“You look bigger in person, you must have been eating all the Nigerian delicacies since you got back”…
This, my friends, was the first thing a young man said when he saw me in person after days of ogling over my Facebook pictures and listening to me speak on the phone. It was supposed to be our first date and just as I was about to sit down, he uttered those words. My reaction? Well, I smiled and started counting down to the end of the date (in my head of course).
Every woman (and some men) knows that with the right angle, you could look smaller in pictures, maybe not significantly smaller but the right pout could make your face slimmer than a full smile…Anyway, before you think I am HUGE, let me put the disclaimer out there; I am a UK14/ US10 and I happen to be 5ft 9.5 inches tall so technically I am not round in shape, a few extra handles that Shaun T’s Hip-hop abs can handle if only I would be disciplined and stick to the schedule but my weight or appearance is not the topic here.
It amazes me how reckless a lot of Nigerian men can be when they speak to single women, they are sometimes very quick to say things that could be offensive and insensitive without thinking of the consequence. I understand that we have a very ‘frank’ culture in Nigeria but in the dating world, this so called frankness doesn’t work.
After one conversation, they are quick to call you dear, hun and love which usually comes before the sexually awkward jokes that makes you try to recall exactly when you met this person in question. I am not a snob and I do enjoy a good joke but I find it difficult to understand why anyone would try to guess my cup size in our second conversation based on my BBM display picture. I wish I was exaggerating that scenario but somehow dude found a way to randomly guess my cup size while we were talking about the economic situation of the country (ok maybe not exactly that topic but you get my point), I remember looking at my blackberry screen when I saw the words ‘So you must be like a 38F right?’. Like really? Who does that? How does that affect the price of garri in the market? Or the Nigerian inflation rate? And to think I was fully covered in the picture in question, and no I am not a 38F!
Someone needs to let our men know that it is not right to say things without thinking, that commenting on any woman’s physical features, who you are not related or close to, can be awkward, offensive, insensitive and/or insulting; that a personal space is ‘personal’ and you shouldn’t see a need to stroke her weave or hold her waist when you technically have to right to; that calling her boo, dear, hun after your first conversation is a breach of personal space. And finally, even if you are thinking it, do not say it because now she’ll think you are an ass and would never return your calls or reply your text messages.
Needless to say Mr Nigerian Delicacies would not be hearing from me again…