Lagos is back in full swing and by full swing I mean, the Israelite journey from the mainland to the island has begun. As a true lagosian that was unable to travel anywhere during the holidays, you learn to appreciate the free roads and somewhat smooth drives you have when most of the easterners have returned to their villages for the break. But this is not about that, it’s about something else.
If there’s ever a time I would meet ‘the one’, I doubt it would be in Lagos traffic especially on a Monday morning. Yup I said it! There’s no way I would find love in traffic. One of my favourite driving past time is watching the facial expressions of those driving especially when trying to maneuver their way out of a bottle neck. It is absolutely hilarious !
Both men and women, married or single put on the ‘warrior’ face, clenching their steering wheels, occasionally tightening their lips and are often prepared to throw out insults at any sight of reckless driving that could damage or dent their cars. There’s absolutely nothing about being a gentleman or lady when driving in these streets of Lagos I tell you.
I mean if I were a young man, I wouldn’t think of ways to ‘toast’ a babe on third mainland bridge or imagine toasting the fine babe that just kissed her teeth and spread her palm very wide insulting the other driver’s father in one word… ‘Waka!’
In Lagos, you need a traffic alter ego. The person you become the moment you start your car and begin your day’s journey. This alter ego is most times far from the cute, nice and semi-innocent girl you want to appear as when a potential suitor looks your way. I’m yet to give a name to my traffic alter ego, but I can tell you that she’s rough, fast, stubborn and fearless…guess I’ll call her Charlene.
People are often themselves when they drive as well, from picking noses to slapping weaves, you find all sorts that could deter anyone from getting to know the other. Maybe someday I would hear of a couple that met while driving on traffic. I would really want to know what happened and how … But for now I know I wouldn’t even try to talk to Charlene if I were a guy.