Don’t blame me for asking, it’s just a thought that keeps popping into my head every now and again that needs to be answered. Am I married? NO I’m not but don’t you think a single lady like me should do a little bit of research before settling down…eventually
First of all, why won’t some married men wear their wedding rings? The exchange of wedding rings signifies a vow to stay and love each other forever and ever. But these days most of these ‘men’ intentionally leave their matrimonial homes without their wedding rings in order to catch new fish i.e single ladies like me who may assume that these men are ready and ripe for plucking (yes men get plucked too…allow me here!). For example, I was on my way to work from Victoria Island and was waiting for the next available ‘keke napep’ to take me to the bus stop when a car pulled over to offer a ride; I know it’s not good to get into a stranger’s car especially in this Lagos and strange stories of ritual killings but I was running late to work and I needed to get to that bus stop quick, so I did a quick prayer and hopped in for a short trip.
He was a good looking young man (I mean why else would I hop into his car in the first place) and he had no ring on. After my quick discovery, I settled in with the possibility of making a new friend, ‘cause in Lagos you never know who knows who and can help you out in future even if he is not your future husband. Everything was going fine until he mentioned his wife and his son; and immediately I went from a happy flirty single lady to the irritated grumpy sad girl. Any single lady who has experienced this would totally understand what I the felt at my further discovery. And it brings up the question, why won’t they just wear their wedding rings for Pete’s sake?
Then there are these married men who enjoy having affairs with single women. I’m not talking old aristo men, I mean young, not more than 10 years in marriage. These men find it very easy to inform single ladies that they, the men, are married but still have no problem with having an extra woman in their lives (wedding ring or not). They could care less and they are quick to spend time, attention and gifts on these single women who may end up being caught up in this little thing.
It makes me wonder, what their wives are doing wrong and what should I be doing right for my future husband to stay faithful to me in marriage. I spoke to a few married friends and they gave me the numerous reasons why they would or have cheated on their wives.
1. Adventure: Most men love adventure; they like to explore, see or try new things, adrenaline chasers and all in all they are just fun lovers. Which is why some spend years being players before finally succumbing to societal pressures to get married.
2. Before/After Marriage Sense: A lot of married men complain that their wives become ‘unsexy’ and ‘unromantic’ after marriage, actually what they mean is that they miss the sex on call when they were dating because now they may be one or two kids involved and additional responsibilities that come with marriage. Let’s not forget that some of these men end up adding a few kilos and lose all sense of romance after exchanging their vows; after all, they’ve caught the fish so there’s no point wooing the fish all over again.
3. Nagging: Apparently there are a lot of women that nag, as a matter of fact the stereotype is that all married women nag which is why a lot of married men cheat.
4. Karma is a b****: somehow these men believe that what they do is a payback for whatever their wives would have done in the past, they have now assumed the position of ‘karma’ ….absolutely stupid and ridiculous in my opinion.
5. Long distance: some couples are in long distance marriages due to one reason or the other which gives the men the chance to roam the streets of Lagos without their wedding rings and claiming the bachelor title. ‘Body no bi firewood’ they say so they need to keep mind body and soul together.
Honestly I believe men are like little boys who had the freedom for as long as they wanted under the lines of ‘they are boys, leave them!’ while the little girls had to be ‘tamed’ to be responsible older women. I can’t figure it out any more, It’s just too complicated but for a start can all married men please wear their wedding rings!
Ejay is a lover of the arts, she loves a good laugh, a night out gisting with friends or dancing. She is also an avid romantic who is often in search of a good adventure and never afraid to meet new people.