Dear Mr Islander,
Since this is the era of open letters, I have a few things to say; actually I have a lot to say but will keep this as brief as possible because I need to get back to work (as that’s what pays my bills at the moment).
Since when did Mainland to Island become long distance? Often times I hear words like ‘I can’t imagine dating someone who lives on the mainland’ like the mainland has now become some area left behind for those suffering from leprosy. As a matter of fact, I would like to know the genius that came up with the notion that a mainland-island relationship is now classified ‘long distance’. Last time I checked, it only takes 30-45 minutes to drive across the bridge to see someone you care about/love that lives on the other side. I admit that with traffic it could take a lot longer but let’s be honest the traffic on Ozumba is equivalent to the traffic on Third Mainland Bridge on some days; so unless you are looking for a booty call at 2am in the morning there is absolutely nothing long distance about it.
You go about saying you would never date someone who doesn’t live in Lekki, VI, and/or Ikoyi, but you are willing to date someone who lives in the ghettos of any foreign city because she is ‘abroad’ and has a watered down accent. Have you been to Ikeja lately? Oh I’m sure you haven’t because you can’t imagine dating someone on the mainland. Well in Ikeja, we have almost everything that you can find on the island except a karaoke bar that allows us sing 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, that’s because we are practical, like who really needs to sing that much anyway?. I agree that the crowd at these spots may be different from those on the island like the woman I saw trying to ‘price’ chicken at KFC in Surulere but you must admit that some of these experiences add to the spice of a wonderful and memorable date.
I am tired of you always telling me to ‘stop by’ ,‘pop by’ or ‘come over’ like somehow it is a shorter distance for me to drive from the mainland to the island than it is for you. It’s a 50/50 thing here so let’s meet halfway like at Yaba or Surulere, or maybe Lagos Island (Freedom Park can be a nice romantic spot on some days). Actually, I change my mind, stop being lazy and drive to Iyana Ipaja if I ask you to, do you even know where that is?
So hence forth, I shall no longer drive to our dates or accept to see a movie at The Palms or Silverbird. I will sit at home, wait for you to pick me up and then have you drop me back home after our date (don’t even think about offering to pay for a cab). Truth is, if you cannot cross the ocean for me then you’re not man enough. Shikena!