My weekend was pretty decent (thanks for asking); everything went as planned till the Pastor announced that there would be a meeting after service of all church workers and singles. As I happen to be both (yes I work in church, don’t act surprised), I had mixed feelings about waiting for another meeting because my initial plan was to head to Yellow Chilli and devour the seafood okra that I had been dreaming about all week.

The Pastor spoke softly to the singles of the church about the importance of being upright in the Lord and most of all abstaining from sex before marriage; he went on to talk about the consequences of premarital sex such as unplanned pregnancies, STD’s including the spiritual implications as he put it. Each time he speaks on this topic, I feel bad for him because about half of the ‘singles’ population usually has a smile on their faces knowing that other than the spiritual implications, they can protect themselves from getting pregnant or STDs but that’s not what I really want to talk about.

Towards the end of his speech, he mentioned the absence of a certain sister as she walked to the front with a protruding belly that must have been about 6-7 months old. Sister Cynthia was one of the few people who helped me settle into church, she became a member in her teenage years and grew to be a devoted church worker including being the assistant head of the singles’ fellowship, so you could imagine the surprise on the faces of a lot of members as she stood in front.  As the pastor continued to speak, I watched a lot of the ‘elders’ have the look of disgust on their faces, like she had committed the greatest sin of being pregnant. Most of them engaged in side discussions saying things like ‘She doesn’t even look remorseful’ ‘Can you imagine?’ ‘Who is the father?’ ‘She has brought shame to her family’ and I just wanted to turn around to give them a good piece of my mind but hey it wasn’t about me so I shut up and continued to listen to the pastor. 

It was easy to feel pity for her as she shed tears in front of the people but I knew Sister Cynthia, I knew it was all a scam, I knew this was all part of her master plan. I remember calling her on her 28th birthday to offer prayers of love and being found by the man whom she would become the bone of his bones; when I was done she said ‘Thank you Sister Gidi, I appreciate your prayers but I am no longer waiting, if I am not married by 30, I am getting pregnant and living my life’. Well here she was, 32, pregnant and single seeking approval from the people of God.

As part of the usual tradition, the pastor asked what punishment should be given to her and of course the over-zealous members offered all sorts from washing toilets to arranging the seats in addition to sitting at the back of the church for one month. One woman stood up to express her disappointment at the shame brought to the house of the Lord even though everyone knew she was planning a rush wedding for her 22-year-old son who got his 18-year-old girlfriend pregnant; of course she thinks no one knows but everyone knows nothing is a secret in the house of the Lord.  

After the ‘ceremony’, members walked up to Cynthia like it were a funeral, consoling her for her unplanned situation and offering words of wisdom. As expected, she kept up the act, put her head down in planned remorse and said how much she missed church.

When it got to my turn to ‘sympathise’, Cynthia smiled and said ‘Now that I am having twins, Mr Right can take his time to show up’

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Mz Gidi

Writer | Poet | Thinker | Creator -|


  1. Looks like a scenario from the nineteenth century… Can hardly picture such in today’s world. Anyways, methinks you shouldn’t judge others based on your own realities alone.
    Nice write up


    1. I wish I could say it was from the 19th century but this actually happened on the 2nd of February 2014. Do you think our churches are behind in how they treat single women?

      Thanks for stopping by


  2. sounds to me like she’s going to be just fine. thumbs up to (nigerian) women taking their lives into their hands. we’re usually too worried about the shame we may or may not bring to everyone. twins are > running out of eggs!


  3. It’s a tricky one to comment on. Let me state what my own opinions are

    1. The worst kinds of humans are those who hold up others by a yardstick or standard they have met. Not everyone is engineered or designed to be like you and just because you don’t do somethings or haven’t done somethings doesn’t automatically give you the liberty to judge and shame others who fall short of those things.

    2. Again everyones path in life is different. Some crawl for years before they find their footing. The errors and mistakes don’t surprise God but those mistakes make us who we eventually become either for good or bad.

    3. The church is increasing losing compassion in the name of strict rules and what not. Mostly these rules are hypocritical and a game of finding scapegoats. If someone errs, 9 times out of 10 they know already what they’ve done wrong. God punishes not man. Correct them in love and move on especially with unwanted or planned out of wedlock pregnancies. You can only support and prepare them for a life that lies ahead.

    4. The church also needs transparency and more of a clear separation from cultural values. Yes in our society the woman that is over 30 and unmarried is stigmatised as well as the woman with a fatherless child. The church should know better. We shouldn’t let our culture prevail especially in a society where many supposed Christians are sexually immoral. I don’t want to open rotten cans but again because someone became evidence is no opportunity to throw stones.

    5. On the flip side, I think sis Cynthia is also selfish (only thing I would blame her for). Parenting a child as a single parent has more negatives than positives and it’s unfair to decide to bring a child into the world on a thread of hope… being that mr right will come and accept this child and be a true father to this other man’s child… ermm especially in a country like Nigeria where most potential mothers in law will rule sister Cynthia out of their sons equations? I think she needs to realise that it’s not going to be easy beyond financial ability alone.

    Anyways I have preached enough but these are my thoughts on this.


  4. err, I don’t know about you all but this is a red flag! the church i.e. i can’t attend such a church oh! *runs away*….and maybe i should clarify a bit but i think it’s very inappropriate for a pastor to parade someone like that i mean i’m all for accountability and all but not in this manner. no need for all this in my opinion…and then she’s pregnant and they are recommending she clean toilets and arrange chairs? c’mon people…please what church is this sef?

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    1. lol..heyyy

      sadly it is standard procedure in most churches, if a single sister is pregnant, it would be brought to the notice so it doesn’t look like the church is fine or encourages ‘living in sin’…


      1. Recommending punishment seems a bit extreme to me though.. While I’m not a fan of giving birth outside wedlock, i would rather prefer that the said lady have d child rather than abort it.. I also think the ‘church’ or members of it need to drop this holier than thou attitude, especially since we know a whole lot of single ppl are having sex without being married in church.. Seems to me to be a case of ‘everyone steals but the person dt gets caught is d thief’.. My one cent 🙂


  5. Did they staple my bum to a bench in that church? I won’t even come out to stand so people will suggest punishments! People need to understand that this relationship is between you and God and not your pastor or church members!


  6. I am a virgin and will 100% not even give head until marriage. But, if I’m still irritated by men and haven’t found the right guy by 30, well, I might take the sperm bank route, you know. Preferably, I’d adopt. But, they apparently don’t let single women adopt.


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