I would like to let you know that Lagos is full of single people..(newsflash right?) especially single ladies of all shapes, sizes, colours, age, background and financial status. The race to the altar is very serious and the competition quite stiff that some of these ladies have turned to spiritual, physical and unconventional means in the name of meeting ‘the one’. Meeting someone at random is now so old school especially when you have the internet, family hookups (that’s always been there) and my all-time favourite, letting the whole of Lagos know how single you are on the radio.
My favourite radio station happens to be Smooth 98.1, mostly because of the music and the fact that the accent of the presenters is not as overpowering like some other stations in Lagos *cough*
heartbeat of Lagos. But what I really enjoy listening to is the Single and Smooth show which airs every Tuesday and Thursday; Tuesday for the ladies and thursday for the gentlemen. I promise this is not an advert but hey I am open to a representative of Smooth fm paying me for this service.
After the presenter (currently Jumoke) reads out the profile of the ‘single’ person, those interested would call in to ‘express’ their interest. These days I can somehow predict the profiles before they are read, most ladies who submit their profiles claim to love the arts, poetry, jazz, are helpless romantics and they happen to be looking for men who know how to take care of women, are Christian, God-fearing, adventurous, have a good job, love family bla bla bla; although there was that one chic that insisted the man must live on the Island but then again I digress. (P.S I strongly believe some of these profiles are not completely honest)
Shortly after, the men would have to call in to say why they are interested and why she should choose them. Now this! is the part I enjoy because you get to judge these men by the sound of their voice, how they speak and the ability to sell themselves to this stranger somewhere in Lagos. Some of them promising love, happiness, fun; or that one guy called Diggy Simons (really?!) that promised adventure and a potential gym bud incase the chic wanted to go on a weight-loss program (ha!). I usually imagine what could happen when a friend recognizes a voice and then probably calls the person to yab them like ‘Oh boy e don reach radio, i tell you say i get one fine babe for you na’ , by the way the chic picked Diggy Simons and some other guy (free trainer I guess)
It must be really hard for anyone to send in their profile for Lagos to hear and for someone else to call in trying to influence the lady/guy into picking them. I personally find it very difficult to write a profile of myself, to be honest if I ever decided to submit an honest profile it would probably go like this:
My name is Miss Gidi, actually that’s not really my name but Miss Gidi has a nice ring to it, I play with numbers by day and words by night. I am taller than the average woman, I’m a lover of good music, good food, wine and fine things of life (that I can afford); I’m a logical romantic and an observant listener. I speak 3 languages (english and igbo being 2 of them) and I sing occasionally.
I am looking for a man who is intelligent, preferably someone who can handle numbers and can express himself; tall because I like to see my man eye to eye or look up to him literally (so 6’1″ and above please). He must love good music, such as some Dave Koz, Robin Thicke, Asa, Goapele, Sade, John Legend, Chrisette Michele, Billie Holiday, Boney M, George Benson and some Jay Z of course. He should know his way around the kitchen because even though I love to cook, I don’t like the idea of being in the kitchen all the time. He must know how to treat a woman and how to communicate. Should be a good listener. Ideally he should be above 30 but below 40, then again they say age is nothing but a number so a 29 year old could pass (nothing over 40 though). He should earn good money, (which could be relative to his age) because most fine things in life aren’t cheap and one of us should be able to afford it. Should be able to have a good and intellectual conversation because I am very much of a sapiosexual (oh i forgot to mention, I also have more than 2 degrees). Finally but most important of all he should love God and family.
So that’s what Miss Gidi’s profile would sound like, don’t you wonder the kind of men that would show interest in that simple complexity? Hmm I should send it in to Jumoke and we can all decide…..ha! nope! not happening!