The truth about finding a husband ‘back home’

‘I just moved back, you know I need to settle down and tap into the opportunities back home ‘cause there’s nothing out there for me’

This my friends is usually the first line you hear from one of these ‘I just got backs’ (IJGB) who just moved back home especially to Lagos looking for greener pastures because for some reason most people who live abroad are told of how Nigeria is the land of untapped opportunities with the chance for fresh minds to come tap into. I do not disagree with that fact but with all of the opportunities wasting away on the streets of Lagos, a lot of IJGBs move back with one more motive and that is to ‘catch a good man and get married’.

I mean can you blame them?, with the number of engagements/weddings springing out of Nigeria on a weekly basis with some being featured on BellaNaija,  it’s very easy to believe that Nigeria is the land of milk and honey with ‘good men’ roaming the streets and not enough single women to satisfy their crave to be ‘settled’. They probably have some Aunties who call to tell them of all their cousins who are now married and then end it with ‘Nne you need to come back, there is one Obinna working with Shell that is very eligible, his mother is my very good friend and the two of you will be perfect for each other’ so sista gurl goes about planning her relocation to Nigeria so she can join the league of girls that are enjoying the freebies from all these men that love to ‘spend’, expect nothing in return and then have an elaborate BellaNaija worthy wedding. *sigh*

Last weekend I met Annie at an art expo, because those are the things most IJGBs like to go for, and she mentioned how adjusting back into the Nigerian life has not been as easy as she expected. Annie was very much the Americanah with her stylishly packed braids, her strong American accent and her light makeup which you could tell was her attempt of trying to be a Gidi girl because dem no born you well commot house without war paint (that’s another topic). Annie left a good job in New York to come settle down in Nigeria (thanks to family pressure) and somehow expected that she would be married within a year, well she’s been back for almost 3 years and is still as single as ever because the guys home ‘aren’t like the guys abroad’ and her initial naivety made her an easy prey in this jungle.

Annie is simply a representation of a lot of female IJGBs who venture into this risk for marriage either by media illusion or family pressure without knowing the truth of what the Nigerian dating scene is like. Even though I find it absolutely crazy to relocate just to get married here are some truths that those restless aunties have failed to mention

  1. There are A LOT of single women in Nigeria – women of different ages, shapes, sizes, backgrounds, income levels and social classes. They do not have spiritual problems, most are drop dead gorgeous and are ‘original’ wifey material but somehow happen to be single. So before you start rambling about how you are the difference that Nigeria needs, think again!
  2. Some single men in Nigeria are spoilt kids – I say ‘some’ to avoid being attacked for generalizing but you will find that a lot of single guys are used to being pampered by women especially guys who may have some kind of money. But can you blame them? They often have different ladies offering to do things such as their laundry, cooking services and occasional bedroom services so coming around and speaking with a foreign accent does not exactly enhance your market, it only makes you ‘exotic’ like the Asian to the average Caucasian.
  3.  It’s a jungle out here – a concrete jungle where ladies would do anything for that ring. Babes are constantly enhancing their selling points; longer weaves, more make-up (with accurate contouring), more acquired accents and buying clothes on credit. If you are ready to be in this jungle, you need to realise your cute t-shirt and jeans with hair in a ponytail is not a selling point (maybe add some ruby woo and you could blend in).
  4. Naija babes don’t trust themselves – so don’t go about blabbing about this new guy with ‘potential’ that you met because the same girl you are gisting with freely may end up getting to that guy before he realises what a wonderful woman you are. Also, do not feel insulted or upset when you realise your friend has kept her man a secret until her introduction, it’s just the way it is. I mean I have a friend who gave me the wrong name until she was getting married then she claimed she calls him more by his ‘middle name’…yea
  5. All na packaging – especially in this Lagos, the cars, the house, the ‘CEO’ title could be real but every original has a counterfeit so do your due diligence before falling in the wrong hands and crying a river because bros was lying to you all along. Don’t say Miss Gidi didn’t warn you o.

At the end of the day, it’s good to be home; to be with family and indeed tap into the many opportunities but if your main purpose is to come back, find a husband and marry then you need to think again because the bad roads, bad water and poor light situation would be the least of your problems when you return.

#justsaying

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27 thoughts on “The truth about finding a husband ‘back home’

  1. interesting read. Its sad when the parties who talk them into coming back don’t give right info on true state of things

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  2. Seriously I get intimidated by the amount of “HML” and congrats I see on my blackberry messenger, facebook timeline and all things social media between Friday and Saturday.
    One of the things when I visit Nigeria is to attend a naija wedding; small chops, asoebi and all! Hehehe
    But why will anyone relocate anywhere just to find husband? This “marriage” or should I say wedding thing is not do or die oh and judging by the increasing rate of divorce and separation, people are going into it “just because” and are not taking into serious consideration what needs to be done to have a “happy” home!
    I rest my fingers here…

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      1. What is this pressure that you speak of? Lol
        Thankful for people around me sha especially my family.
        Someone told me today, I can’t wait to eat your wedding rice, I replied “in God’s own time” that and “God’s time is the best” ends most “when are you getting married?” conversations!

        The same pressure inducing people will still carry your matter for head like load if your marriage starts having problems!
        May God help us all!!!

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  3. Hilarious, but very apt. The funniest part was your friend lying about her man’s name till they almost got married. I mean if he thought of leaving her before the wedding, won’t he even cheat on her and still leave after it?
    Nice one Miss Gidi

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  4. LMAO!!!!! Oh chineke! gidi girl i loveth you biko!at christmas i hold the title ‘IJGB-to visit’ and my dear this struggle as you say is indeed real. All i hear from every corner is “when are you coming home to marry”, sister mind you i’m in my early 20’s and them don start already kai. Anyhow sha,as the last point on packaging, ain’t nobody got time to be speaking gbeke, the accents and north-american behaviour out the window and igbo sense all the way in mbok, because this IJGB causes more wahala than good

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  5. Lol… There is pressure everywhere but I told myself….. Naaaaaa!
    My mum is tired of talking and being the first, she said I need to lead by example but it’s hard meeting good women out there. And I am not about to settle with someone that I am going to wake up to, the next 70 yrs of my life just cos everyone is getting married.. God’s time is the best, Biko!

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  6. Btw… I have binged on your blog for the last 24 hours. Awesome body of work! I have been entertained thoroughly! Dalu so👊

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  7. If a lady leaves her relatively comfortable life abroad and returns to Nigeria with the illusive hope of marriage, then I’ll say she’s making a mistake. If she’s going to relocate or change jobs, it should be based on sound judgement, Marriage is beautiful, but it’s not everything, and it’s better not to marry than to be stuck in a loveless, torturous marriage.
    By the way, your blog is fine!

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  8. The utterly annoying thing is that even if such a lady DOES get a guy and get married, should one (small) problem appear for the new couple, those same ‘pressurizers’ wee vanish!! O.Y.O. mehn!
    Of course, they will reappear shortly after to put pressure for ‘wen wee you give us child(ren)?!” *sigh* -__-
    Nice write up! *thumbs up*

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  9. Hehe. I was about to call you by your government name. I moved back to Nigeria about 4 years ago. I was tired of working expatriate. One broken engagement and a few pepper filled relationships later I can “Authoritatively” say there is no science to this whole relationship matter.
    I go around in my flipflops, I dont wear weaves or much make up and I am getting married to a fabulous man who also moved back about 7 years earlier. Matter of fact we spend a good portion of our down time watching Nigerian movies and Tlc. I think whoever you are dealing with in Nigeria has to be secure in themselves and you would have a fully picture to make certain decisions.

    The people to generally avoid are the ones constantly all over the place with a point to prove.

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  10. Omg….ds write up made me cry..i am moving back to niaja after 10 years in uk l…i am jst 24 but i have this illusion when i come back i will meet my prince charming…ds jst broke my heart..

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  11. Well written, dem days r gone when guys would jump on d returnees, it makes a gud chat up line when she speaks n he heard d accent ,dey start by where r u from ? These days naija based gals speak more phoney than the ijgb’s , it’s all about packaging , now guys r going for “what’s ur last name ” n whoz ur father ? It’s the bad girls that get the guys coz it’s survival of the fittest , most naija gals r very desperate , it’s a norm to give a bf the benefits of a husband , why give a retailer the benefits only a wholesaler deserves ? You cook,clean up after him, give him d best sex of his life or so u think , be the understanding gf dat listens and never nags, Infact u walk on eggshells so as not to offend him but at the end of the day u find out hez gotten married from a bb update of one of ur contacts , I would advice women to live and enjoy their life while single ,when ur not desperately searching that is when he would find u , afterall the bible stated that a man that findeth a wife findeth a good thing , it’s not a woman’s place to find the man , it’s ur place to work on urself while single , be a better you , get off the sales rack , don’t conform , if u prefer flip flops n pony tails don’t change to a Brazilian wearing gal, don’t paint ur face like a clown , date to be different … Has any one noticed that naija babes r all begining to look alike ? U walk into a party or club all u see are light in complexioned , face painted Brazilian haired babes … I predict that in a few years black gals wud be extinct …when ur desperate for marriage guys can tell, dey wud take advantage of that by telling u wat u wanna hear , dey wud string u along till u give urself brain and decamp….meeting the family don’t make u less of a side chic …being single doesn’t mean jumping into bed with d 1st guy that indicates intrest in you , go on dates , take ur time getting to know eachother , give it at least 2-3 months before considering sex coz it’s so easy to go round the block all in the name of looking for love then when the “one ” finally finds u it would turn out that you ve slept with his bestfriend .., a word is enough for the wise.

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  12. Oh my God!!!! I wish I had read this 3 months ago before all hell broke loose with the guy I was seeing. We had talked about marriage, babies everything before we had a huge irreconciable argument. To cut a long story short I confided in my friend only to find her dancing with him in Spice and having the audacity to tell me “‘he’s a scumbag’ you want me to prove he’s a scumbag? I don’t do that to friends.” The shock was incredible, in my opinion if you were a friend you wouldn’t be trying to hook up with him being all nice to a guy who broke your friends heart. I confronted him and you know what he said “if she was your real friend why didn’t she tell me to “f**k off”, if I really wanted to screw her, I would have done so a long time ago, besides she had something to do with my friend, I just wanted to piss you off, because I saw you in Spice on a date.” Right now I have no words. The shock is going through me.

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