HELP! I need to change my State of Origin

Or maybe I just need to start claiming another state of origin.

By proper definition, your state of origin should be where you were born even though in Nigeria, we all claim where our ancestors were born as our state of origin, I guess it’s all for uniformity sake but I’m one of the rare people who look at that section of those annoying forms and wonder if I should write where I was born or where I am told my state of origin is…Anyway, that’s not the gist.

A while ago, I was introduced to an eligible young man, you know how these ‘introductions’ go, your friends begin to pity your single situation and decide they could be the cupid in your life by introducing you to every prospect they can think of. in this case, the young man in question was about 33 years old, had a good job and ‘exposed’, by exposed I mean he had lived outside the shores of Nigeria for a while. We were of the same tribe (but different states), same religion, had similar family values, shared lots of interests and had the ability to talk about everything there was to talk about. So obviously everyone (being the introducers) expected we would take this ‘thing’ to the next stage of ‘dating’. Well they were wrong!

Fast forward a few weeks of being friends, Mr Man decided to stop talking to me without notice, I mean there was no fight or misunderstanding; he just stopped calling, stopped receiving my calls and replying my messages. As a sure babe that I am, I decided to move on but not without getting to the root of the matter.

After some minor investigation (I only had to ask my friend, who asked another friend who then asked it won’t be too obvious) it was brought to my notice that even though we got along very well and he liked me a lot; he could not go any further because we were not from the same state (of origin)…Yes, STATE!. Which left me a bit confused and surprised, I mean I can try to understand tribal prejudice (even though it’s also a frivolous reason) but choosing not to be with someone just because they are not from your state? Now that’s a new one and definitely needed to be documented.

According to him, his family had an order that their children could only marry people from the same state so he had to go with it to avoid family problems at the expense of his happiness. I know I have heard of relationships not working out due to family/tribal differences, religious/denomination beliefs but being ‘rejected‘ for coming from the ‘wrong’ state is just wow!..

So my question is, should the ‘state of origin’ or tribe of a potential partner even matter in the first place? And should parents be defining the characteristics of the person you should to be with? 

Anyway as for Mr Man and I, of course I cannot change my heritage or deny my ancestral state of origin, it’s all part of the total package, take it or keep walking…his loss not mine



15 replies

  1. Loll.. I am enjoying this converse but of a truth absurd how grownups think nowadays.. but I think he might have a point o … just the same way we might not want to live in a certain state for certain reasons, we might not want to date them for those reasons.. btw he might have other reasons but easier to pass the blame on family beliefs …


  2. Just started reading your blog.. Interesting stuff so far. This topic is particularly interesting to me because I’m currently dating someone from a different tribe. My parents still have to adjust to it but I have decided about what I want and that’s it. I can understand where people are coming from but if you like someone then it can be assumed that y’all have some shared values and that there is something between you two worth exploring. At that point, tribe or state of origin should not matter. It’s always funny how we acquiesce to the wishes of these older people who would most likely be dead when we are in our prime. Take responsibility for your life. Seems this guy didn’t want to. His loss.


  3. Should the ‘state of origin’ or tribe of a potential partner even matter in the first place? – No it shouldn’t, but unfortunately, it does in Nigeria. I’ve heard of parents that wouldn’t allow their kids marry from certain tribes/people from specific areas in a state, etc. I think it’s a little ridiculous in today’s time.

    And should parents be defining the characteristics of the person you should to be with? – Well, I think parents should have some kind of input, constructive input that isn’t necessarily based on one’s tribe

    Overall, this guy doesn’t sound like quite the charmer…he just sounds so rude! If he’s not interested again shebi he’d give some kind of heads up? Doesn’t seem like a “man enough” kind of guy though, so probably best for in my opinion #my2cents 🙂


  4. Hian!! Nothing I never read for this internet o !! Where people are marrying from the different race this one is there doing local mgbeke!
    Will your parents marry you? Please remove that “exposed” title from his name abeg. What is exposed about letting someone dictate your life and even happiness?
    Biko uncle same state take several seats !!!
    Chai I am vexed, arrant nonsense, intergalactic goat!


  5. Ur blog is sooo friend introduced me to your blog this morning…i have to say, i am soo captivated…keep the good work up..


  6. errr.. Its from stuff like this that you can tell if the person you want to marry has balls or not. This dude was either weak, or didn’t love you enough so he had to chuck the reason up to be that. This usually happens with us Igbo people. Anambra people do not like to marry from Imo and Imo does not like Abia and it goes round and round.
    My parents objected vehemently when I started dating an Anambra chick, and the rebel in me went wild!, I dated Akwa Ibom, Cross River, and Yoruba. Now they know they can’t influence my choice.
    In a time, that Muslims are marrying Christians, this does not make any sense and I think God saved you a whole lot of stress.


  7. @SingleGidi.. sigh.. that does not even matter.. I have been searching for 2 years now and I tell you, it is so so hard meeting good women. I am very wary about the church, cos I know that so much packaging and pretenses by both parties happen in the Church.
    And you think I will finally meet a laid back, beautiful, intelligent, arty, homely woman and because she is not igbo, i will let her go?????? lol.. I laugh in Spanish.
    My mum is even begging me now, that it doesn’t even matter if she is older, please just marry!


    • hahaha…well best of luck with your search, someone said it’s not about getting married but staying married. You will find your beautiful, intelligent, arty and homely woman soon enough.


      • Of course, its about staying married. Personally, separation/ divorce is not an option, which is probably why I am taking my time. Cos, when you think about it, you are going to spend the rest of your LIFE with this one person and while nobody is perfect, including me, i think logical emphasis should be placed on the things that matter to you.
        And thank you for your wishes!


  8. I can bet you this is a *mummy’s boy*…he lacks balls jare. So all the while you both were getting closer and bonding well, he didn’t know the tribe you were from? is age,tribe,occupation, etc not part of the questions asked before one decides to accept being introduced? Hian! Some guys are confused really! Anuofia!


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