You just got engaged, you are getting married to the man of your dreams (I pray), you have announced your engagement on all the social networking sites and are currently overwhelmed with the congratulatory messages from family, friends and acquaintances while trying to figure out if your fairy tale wedding will become a reality.
I am happy for you, I have put up a pic of your bling and gushed at how perfect your proposal story is (was probably a part of the planning) but you’ve been acting strange and I need to call you out on a few things that you are doing very wrong which needs to be fixed:
- Don’t go all spiritual on me: which also goes for you being ‘highly moral’. The ring on your finger does not mean you have now found God so stop with the constant sermons, offering me prayers and/or giving me moral advice. We both know your track record before you settled for this man so before you start listing different rules that you never followed or constantly quoting scriptures from the bible, stop, think and think again.
- Don’t try to hook me up with the next single man you find: You see I would understand if you did this before you got engaged but trying to hook me up with any Tom, Dick or Harry now you have the ring is a bit irritating. Actually, it makes it look like you’ve always known these great guys but you’ve been hiding them from me because you wanted them for yourself (kinda like alternatives). This also goes for trying to hook me up with your fiance’s best friend, brother or cousin or that guy you’ve friendzoned for the last 5 years.
- Stop trying to sell my market: By this I mean telling so many guys what a nice girl I am and how I am very down to earth and very available to be plucked. Give them a chance to get to know me first, let me sell my market myself no matter how long it takes me,.
- Don’t feel bad for me: Saying things like ‘I don’t know how you will feel’ or ‘I hope you don’t mind because it is a couples’ thing’ or constantly asking me ‘how I am coping’ does not make you a considerate friend, instead it makes you a paranoid friend who believes your ring has suddenly made me unhappy and/or jealous.
- Don’t offer me unsolicited relationship advice: which also applies to ‘settling’ advice, I know no one is perfect but stop with the ‘you just have to manage’ conversation because unless you want to give me the impression that you are managing.
Now that we have that out of the way, I would like to say that I am so happy that you are about to walk down the aisle with the man you truly love and I understand you care for me but PLEASE I am single not diseased.
Remember the giveaway is still going on