While driving this morning, I heard the song ‘Marry me’ by Falz featuring Poe and Yemi Alade which basically illustrates the desperation of most single women with a very catchy tune, of course Miss Gidi being Miss Gidi, it made me think about the whole ‘ultimatum’ and how most single women these days have a time frame with the expectation that when it elapses, their partners better be on one knee asking the famous question ‘Will you marry me?’
A while ago, I had the opportunity of having a conversation with a lady who was in a new relationship. Like most women who are in fairly new relationships, she talked about all the wonderful things this man had to offer and how she really liked him but then ended everything with the statement ‘with the way things are going, I’m sure he will propose in another six months’, and in my usual manner I had to ask the reason behind the ‘six months plan’ of which she answered ‘Ah! How much longer does he need? abeg I am not 21 for him to be wasting my time and I already told him I don’t have more than one year to give him’
It’s not news that most women (and some men as well) are scared of being hurt, scared of being taken advantage of but most of all scared of the length of time they would spend in a relationship that would not end up in marriage. I once heard that the number of years you spend with someone before you marry them is a sunk cost and should not be considered when making future marriage decisions. If you don’t know, a sunk cost is defined as a cost that has already been incurred and cannot be recovered, which basically means the six years you spend with a partner should not be the criteria for deciding whether or not to spend six more years with him/her, what’s done is done and there’s no going back. Although this example is unconventional, I am pretty sure some of you will never forget the definition of sunk costs for the rest of your lives (sunk cost is an accounting term by the way 🙂 )
The marriage ultimatum (either direct or indirect) is quite popular with the women, young ladies give their men a time frame, requiring them to propose or they walk away by a set time because they cannot afford to hang around with the hopes of getting married. Granted some men need the push and may be slow to consider marriage but should an ultimatum be given? Doesn’t that take away from the excitement/surprise of being proposed to? Or am I missing something here…
I remember when an acquaintance came to me with the wonderful news of her engagement and as expected I asked how he proposed of which she replied ‘Miss Gidi, we’ve been together for a long time now and I told him to propose before December or it would be over, what else is he waiting for? ‘. You can say she replied me in the typical Nigerian manner of replying a question with a question but it looked to me like even though she was ready, he was being pushed to be ready based on her ultimatum.
It’s obvious that the older a woman gets, the more impatient she becomes in a relationship and is often ready to skip the dating stage and run straight into marriage. This impatience usually begins once she has hit her late twenties and as expected the pressure from her family has been turned all the way up. I mean ‘older married friends’ have said statements to me like ‘at your age, one year is too long to date o, if after 3 months he is not talking marriage abeg move on’
Of course the timing of a relationship is relative, for some 3 months is enough while for others it’s too short, but my question is when is a marriage ultimatum important ? why should it be given? or is an ultimatum simply a sign of desperation?
By the way, the ‘engaged acquaintance’ is still single and the man is married to someone else