The Art of Subtlety and Doublespeak by SIMS

Today’s post is by SIMS, if you’re  no stranger to the blog then you know Sims but if you are new well Sims is my male voice of reasoning and each time I want to understand what’s going on in a guy’s head (which is a lot of times) I turn to him. Feel free to show him some love on his blog, The WordSmith’s Journal.


How do you know when she’s asking for it? Like actually asking for it? And by it I mean that stuff Marvin Gaye was singing about. Raunchy bugger he was.

The truth is, with women, most of the times you really don’t know. You women out there might disagree, but keep in mind you ladies are all about sending signals and doing subliminal things to send the message that you want some. The truth is though, that most times men have absolutely no clue. For us there are a couple of default settings: 1) Assume she always wants it or 2) Assume she doesn’t want it until she asks.

Duh, you say, for #2 but again I point to this question: how is a man supposed to know when you’re actually asking for it? Without of course actually asking you verbatim, which from what I understand, is a bit of a turn off. Turn off because a lot of y’all, despite evidence to the contrary, still expect us to be able to pick up signals and understand when you’re trying to tell us that you’re in the mood.

But again I say, we are men. Men, by and large, are not well versed in the art of subtlety and this is where y’all and us are at loggerheads because we are used to coming out and actually saying stuff. Most of the time, men say what they mean. Most of the time, you have to look for hidden meaning with what women say. So for instance, “I’m fine” when asked if anything is wrong, 99% of the time means you’re NOT fine. On the other hand, “no” means no, but any man who doesn’t understand that is a fool because it’s more often than not that if a girl says she’s not in the mood, it’s not code for “try harder”. But often times, “I’m fine”, is code for try harder because, from what I’ve been able to decipher, asking over and over if a girl is ok is your way of showing you care and you actually want to know what was wrong. Don’t believe me?

Men, how many of you have heard or experienced something like this:

“I’m mad at you because you knew I was upset and you didn’t ask me why!”

“But I did. I asked if you were ok and you said you were fine!”

“Obviously I wasn’t fine! You should have known I wasn’t! This is why I say you don’t care enough about me”

I understand trying to cope, but I think it’s a bit wild when you’re asked if you’re ok and you can’t simply say “I’ll be fine” or “Not really” and then have your heart to heart. Why the double speak? Now ladies, am I actually lying? Don’t lie, you know I’m not! Most of the time, y’all engage in double speak, morse code, and braille aka “how the heck was I meant to know that!” Lol.

Then again, there’s the off-chance that I’m fine really means I’m fine, but from my experiences that’s rare. I once dated a girl who chastised me for always asking if there was something wrong, when it was painfully obvious to me that something was wrong. From my experience and in hindsight though, that was simply double speak for, “I’m really not ready to tell you”.


I’m hungry means, I’m hungry. I’m tired means, I’m tired – not I’m pissed at you for something you did. I will speak for myself in saying that whenever I open my mouth to say something, I mean EXACTLY that. If I’m not sure, then I’m not sure and I will tell you. Maybe some men might not admit to saying they are unsure or some form of weakness, but by and large, we do mean what we say.

One of my favorites though, is when a woman says she likes something, but she absolutely can’t stand it. Why the lies? Why the subterfuge? If you hate it, tell me then I can work to improve it or to do something else. The excuse I’ve heard before is, “I didn’t want to hurt your feelings”. Well I say it’s better that than lying to a guy. When you’re telling us stuff, don’t think like a woman, think like a man.

Because when it comes to double speak and subtlety, Picassos we are not!



So ladies, Why the double speak? Would it kill to be straightforward? 

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2 thoughts on “The Art of Subtlety and Doublespeak by SIMS”

  1. I’ve been told a woman who says it as it is might be intimidating(I don’t know why o)
    I’m guilty of the ” I am fine bit ” as my saying “I am not fine” has been met with lots of err err okay… so the best thing is to chill.
    Why the doublespeak? I don’t know 😦


    1. as long as the world remains round, women will continue to double speak to their better half.. that’s how we roll.. lool. My dear SIMS, guys have been known to flee from me cos they feel i just say it shaaa! Sooo the art of double speaking was born from a culture were men expect you to take a stand as the weaker sex.. so we perfect the act una come dey vex… Meen are a very complicated Lot! they pretend not to be.. so let us pray our role jare… But trust when we are with our very own home girl, we dey talk am as e dey! no holds barred!


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