If you met someone with whom you had a bond but the relationship wouldn’t be convenient, would you consider that relationship or would you prefer what is available?
That my friends was the question I was asked a few days ago while having a conversation/argument on long distance relationships and everything that has to do with it. We all know the usual arguments against long distance relationships such as proximity, trust and the typical ‘body no bi firewood’ points but at the end of the day, does the fear of being hurt and/or infidelity cause most single people to choose what is convenient over what may be ideal?
I must admit that some relationships are birthed out of convenience without considering the necessary factors required for a successful relationship which should lead to a lifetime together. For example, certain people in Lagos would not date anyone that lives over 5 miles from their place of residence (*cough* Islanders *cough cough*) but the question is, would you turn down the opportunity to be happy with someone who is everything you want and more for what is available?
It is very easy to develop a connection with someone who you have easy access to, even when you know there is no future in it and they’re not adding any real value to your life; and it’s a lot easier to stay in a relationship that’s not working because it’s convenient and being alone or starting a new relationship is not easy…but then again nothing good comes easy right?
Recently, I have come across a lot of relationships that have been birthed out of the availability or over-availability of the other party, like the guy is always there to give the young lady a ride, he’s always around when she calls him, he gets her everything she wants; and for guys it’s that the chic is always there, she helps him around his house, cooks, cleans, gives him the ‘cookie’ when he needs it and so many other selfish reasons. Sometimes they settle and then after marriage, one or both parties ends up regretting their convenient decision and tries to figure out a way to work it out or walk out of it.
Convenient relationships go beyond distance, sometimes it has to do with other factors such as availability of the person in question, filling a lonely void, if he/she fits what is required of you (in the case of unreasonable lists from third parties) and many other reasons which do not answer the question of ‘seeing a future with that person’.
I once had to steer clear from a certain someone because it was obvious that the only reason he actually considered dating me was because I was the available/convenient choice not necessarily his ‘ideal’ choice. It was so obvious that even when I asked the typical ‘why me?’ question, his second reason was because I was ‘available’ while his first was that I was the most compatible fit. I pretty much felt like he had a check list and I had ticked most of the boxes especially since he missed a vital point of if he actually cared for me and saw a future with me.
Please note that I am not saying relationships must be difficult and/or problematic but if you met someone with whom you had a bond but the relationship wouldn’t be convenient, would you consider that relationship or would you prefer what is available?