TICKET TO FREEDOM

‘You’re too old to be living with your parents’

That’s the voice you probably hear in your head on that Saturday morning when you just want to sleep and your mother decides it’s the best time to send you on errands. It was tolerable when you were younger, say when you were in your late teens and early twenties but now you are in your late twenties and you cannot stand it anymore because you thought by now you would be out of your parent’s house but guess what…YOU’RE NOT!

From a young age, you’ve been told that you would move out of your father’s house to your husband’s house so even though you are old enough now and you could probably afford rent, you find that moving out of your parent’s house as a single woman is a controversial debate in the Nigerian society especially when you’re not moving out of state/country.

Having to live with parents after a certain age has to be one of the most difficult things in life, especially as a young lady when every comment, statement, conversation and question all boils down to marriage and when you would get married. Typical examples would be:

Scenario 1 – serving a well prepared meal
Comment –  ‘your husband will enjoy o’;

Scenario 2 – forgetting to do something
Comment – ‘is that how you will run your home as a married woman?’;

Scenario 3–  getting home late
Comment –  ‘is this how you will live in your husband’s house?’.

Truth is, at this point all you may ever hear are constant reminders that you are ‘ripe’ for marriage.

Then there are the rules and if you come from a strict home, the curfews. As someone who has lived away from home for a while before moving back, I often find this to be one of my major challenges because after having so much freedom and being able to plan things around my own time I have come back to hear things like ‘no responsible woman is supposed to keep late nights’ or ‘you cannot do what you want while under my roof wait till you get married’ and I get it, well the roof part I get, the others I still struggle understanding.

Source: Datereport

Anyway, if you’re from a very laid-back and liberal family you may not understand what I am blabbing about but you must realise that not all Nigerian parents are ‘understanding’ or ‘liberal’ so they often believe that these rules and marriage reminders are what will shape you into being a better wife and mother while the idea of moving out of your parent’s house as a young woman is almost considered a taboo.

It some cases it becomes so difficult living with parents and trying not to have a war on moving out that some ladies actually see marriage as their ticket to freedom. I have heard some married women say things like ‘they could not wait to get out of their father’s house so they got married early’ or single women who compare marriage to ‘breaking out of prison’ and of course discussions on how society frowns at the idea of a woman living alone (*rollseyes*)

I know parents care and no matter how hard you try, they still see you as the little girl with ponytails and the puffy Cinderella dress on her first birthday who has no clue that the world is filled with wolves in sheep clothing and maybe they are right or maybe they are paranoid…

At the end of the day, if moving out is not an option for you then how do you deal with living with parents and the pressure of  seeing marriage as your ticket to freedom? 

I really want to know what you think

Love,

MjAxMy05MzA3NDcyMzI4MzBmMDdk

P.S.- The only reason I am yet to move out is because Lagos rent is on the rise and mehnnn the bills are plenty…

 

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7 thoughts on “TICKET TO FREEDOM

  1. sisi gidi, your reasons and mine are exactly the same. I just can’t afford it. Have used al my savings doing professional exams so that I can move back to the abroad … So unless one man comes and rescues me (sarcasm… Heavy sarcasm). My Saturday mornings will continue to start with… ‘Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh, I can’t believe you haven’t come to ask me what I am eating for breakfast’ . But for home training.

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  2. Miss gidi, this is my present state of “heaven” (rolls eyes). I can’t afford a place cos I’m still trying to grow my business but I refuse to rush into marriage because I want freedom. The marriage girls r rushing into has its own “restrictions” too.

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  3. I moved out oh. Very well self, it was a fight initially – moved out at 28, traffic was wrecking my life, i threatened to move back to “the abroad” – my oyinbo mother was crying. They ended up agreeing. I married my 95% awesome hubstar at 32. My father tried to argue about not finding a husband and i asked him if he wasnt confident in the child he raised. A lot of the fears are unfounded, but these parents refuse to admit it.

    some pple stay at work late to avoid parent drama jare. As for rent, that mess can kill a single person though.

    http://www.pynk360.com

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  4. This is the struggle I go through everyday. I literally have sleepless nights fantasizing about moving out but at the same time, rushing into marriage just because I want to leave my parent’s house might very well bite me in the arse one day. Right now, I’ve given myself 2 years to save up and move out if I’m not married by then. The most is silence from the ‘rents for one year then they will (have to) come to terms with it. It’s my life and my sanity that matter at the end of the day. They’ve trained me thus far and will have to have faith in the investment they’ve made in my life to understand and accept my decisions, grudgingly or not.

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  5. I had the good fortune of leaving my my parents’ house at 15 and i never went back. Hustled like a mad man, just so i never go back.
    I tasted life alone and it was bliss and sometimes i pity people that stay with their parents because the few times my parents came to spend some time with me was almost hell…
    i mean, they are not terrible.. its just that i think their generation do not know when they overstep their boundaries.
    Given another chance, in my next life.. i will probably move out earlier.

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  6. I recently turned 31 and I got my own place. My parents were not happy at all but they could not stop me. My father even threatened to disown me but he didnt. I’m a single working lady . I saved up and paid my rent first. It took me a few more months to buy furniture but i have peace of mind now.

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  7. Omg!! I tot I was alone in this. I am so sick and tired of staying wiith my parents even though I love them and they are Awesome!! but I am jobless for now and no husband to “rescue” me…..lol. But am workin towards moving out. My mind has outgrown staying with my parents. It’s stifling being there. So cool to have ‘like minds’ even if it’s online

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