‘You did what?!’ Nkiru yelled at the other end of the phone

‘In summary I told him I was cursed’

‘But Sunshine why would you do that? Don’t you want to get married in this life?’

‘Hian! Married? How did marriage enter this talk now?’

‘You are 32 Sunshine! That’s all you should be thinking about’


Nkiru my best friend never gets my jokes when I need her to; actually she does, just that she never gets it when it is male related. Unlike me, Nkiru is happily married with two beautiful children and is currently in the process of having her third, hopefully this one is a boy so she can finally rest her womb and vagina from pushing out human beings.

She met her husband, Emeka, right after university and before the end of her NYSC year she was married. My mother occasionally laments at this fact, wishing she had made me school in Nigeria because according to her ‘I would be married by now’ instead of wasting four years of dating that oyibo boy but that’s besides the point right now

‘Nkiru, I obviously wasn’t feeling the guy, that’s why I gave him that story, I just needed him to back off’

‘Back what? OK fine, so maybe he isn’t the one but he could have friends you know, next thing he will tell all his people about this crazy girl he met

‘And it would be spread all over the Internet’ I interrupted her before she could complete her usual statement ‘hustling entrepreneur in her thirties under spell from aunty in the village,’ I can soooo see it’

‘Shola! Must everything be a joke with you?!’

Nkiru was obviously getting irritated

‘Na wa O, you have switched from Sunshine to Shola, I’m sorry eh, jo ma binu. I’ll try to track this guy down and tell him that I am lonely and desperate to get married, happy now?’

‘NO, I will track him down and you will have a date with him’ 

‘How? You don’t even know his surname?’

I should have known better than to ask that

You wan try me?!’ She exclaimed ‘Remember how I found out that your useless ex, who told you his name was Mark Green when really he was Ikechukwu Okoro’

‘Nky baby! My very own CIA’ I replied, at this point I would do anything to stop her from tooting her own horn

‘You said his name is Obi right?’ She continued

‘Yes Obi, he is tall…about 6ft, I can’t really remember but he is dark sha, wears glasses and is sorta clean’

‘Hmm, well let the hunting begin!. Anyway, I need to go get the girls ready for school tomorrow’

‘Ah ah, but we just started gisting’

‘The only gist I want right now is that you are getting married, you are not young like that again o, my 21year old cousin is marrying one rich man and here you are still doing ten ten with potential husbands’ 

‘Okay O! I have heard madam, me I have work to do, as I don’t have husband to pay my bills, Oda bo!’

‘Ngwanu Byeeeee!!’

I wish I never introduced her to Chi-gurl.

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