‘Iya beji of life!’

‘Sunshine, what’s up? By the way I think I have leads to this your Obi guy. A friend of mine was talking about one Obi that just moved back to naija from jand last month’

For once Nky’s lead is totally wrong

‘Is that so?, well I have a date’

‘AH! Thank you Jesus, oya oya, who is the guy?’

‘With Obi, or should I say Chris’

‘How? Have you been stalking him, OK just explain’

Nkiru loves to hear my dating stories because she lives vicariously through me so in order to satisfy her crave for gist I went ahead to explain how Chris and I had run into each other through Uche, how I apologised for the meeting and agreed to go on a date as a peace-offering. As usual, I had to   listen to Nky give me the typical Nigerian or should I say Christianly response to most things like

‘Ah, that’s God working oh’

Then she entered into her married woman advice mode

‘Sunshine, make sure you don’t judge too much, men are not perfect, you have to train them to be what you want’

I still don’t get it, if I wanted a man to train then I would go for a year 1 student in UNILAG that way I am sure that I am turning him into exactly what I want but this time would not be the right time to argue

‘I have heard Nky, you see, he is already 10 minutes late for the date but I am not judging his character by keeping a lady waiting’

‘I’ll speak to you as soon as I am done with this meeting’ I heard from behind me, which sounded very much like Chris ‘Hello Sunshine or should it be Susan?’

The eagle had finally landed

‘Hi, give me a minute’ I replied ‘Hello, Mrs Nwanka, how about I call you after my brief meeting’ which meant the end of my conversation with Nky and the beginning of the ‘date’

‘You have such great taste picking Sky Lounge for lunch’ He continued as he settled in

‘Thanks, it’s one of my favourite spots’ I replied, knowing fully well that was a lie but I would not be the daughter of Nkechi Akinwumi if I did not form small.

When money became tight, I decided never to spend on expensive things, one of them being fine dining in Lagos, because there’s no way I will spend my hard-earned money on a slice of kpanla and mashed potatoes in the name of ‘poshness’ and ambience. But for dates though, there’s an exception, it’s fine dining or nothing.

The date turned out to be a total flop, well the combination of well-marinated duck, mashed potatoes and a glass of red on his tab made the date tolerable but instead of talking about this proposed contract, he kept talking about his quest for ‘the one’.

I’m really trying not to judge but there’s something about being single over 30 that makes people think all you want to do is get married. This is the reason why I turn down a lot of dates and family hookups because a sister cannot breathe without someone mentioning marriage, biological clocks and having children.

After an hour and thirty minutes of listening to Chris lament about his failed attempt at finding a wife, I decided it was time to break free from the pity party

‘So about the construction materials contract?’

‘Oh yea that, maybe I should call you tonight to talk about it some more as lunch time is almost over, is that cool?’

Lagos boys sha

‘Yea okay, no problem, I should leave now’

‘Oh wow so soon? I really enjoyed your company you know’

‘Yea, thanks for lunch’ That’s really all I was grateful for anyway

‘No worries babe, I call you tonight okay?’

Did he just call me babe on our first date?

‘Okay I will be expecting your call’ I responded

What I really wanted to say was I will be blocking your number as soon as I am out of your sight.


Categories: Blog

3 replies

  1. This: …”slice of kpanla and mashed potatoes in the name of ‘poshness’ and ambience.” hehehhehe
    Babe 🙂 some men sha! midnight calling don start o hehehehe


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