SIR HUNTER

Sometimes, when life happens to you, it is like the movies. And that was how this tweet felt to me.

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I did not know Kalakuta Princess, that wasn’t even a proper name, but the tweet was like a beacon; not to be missed.

I’d call you if I had your digits…

I started to compose a response. I thought better and deleted it.

Your friends call you yet…

Chill Bobo, you don’t even know her.

Hey, you don’t know me, but know that I’d call you if I had your digits.

I hit the tweet button and carried on reading through my timeline.

My phone chirped as a message came in.

Awww @_BoboNkiti, the feeling has passed but I appreciate your concern. No, no one called me…

My phone chirped again.

@analysethis is now following you.

I smiled and followed back, and then sent her a direct message.

– Wanna talk about it?

– Nah, it’s passed really.

– You sure? You’ll have to forgive me, it’s not like you even know me. We can remedy that. Or not.

– That’s not it. I sent that tweet yesterday when I was feeling really down. You must take yourself very seriously.

– Me, serious? LMFAO! There’s not a single serious bone in my body.

– A funny bone then?

I didn’t respond to that but checked her profile. Her avatar was an egg. No help. Her bio showed she was a lawyer, lover of malteesers a member #TeamForeverAlone.

The last made me smile. What was it with all the hash tags? And it wasn’t just her. They were all over social media, these hash tags.

I looked through her tweets and she seemed a level-headed person. If only I could see a photo of her.

– Are you there?

– Yes, sorry. Got caught up in work.

– Work? What kind of work?

– If I told you, I’d have to kill you. Lol. On the real though, 140 characters are kinda limiting.

– I know right?

– Oh, and there’s the matter of your digits. What if you need or want someone to call you another time?

I waited to see if she’d take the bait.

My phone chirped, and when I checked the message it was her phone number. I dialed the number, pressed the phone to my ear, my heart beating fast while the call connected.

‘Hello?’

‘Hi,’ I said. ‘I’m calling to confirm this number works.’ I laughed at the end of that, a deliberate, throaty laugh.

‘You’ve got to be kidding me.’ She laughed too. ‘You probably are the craziest caller I have had recently.’

‘I dunno how to take that now,’ I said in mock seriousness.

‘Haba,’ she exclaimed. ‘I didn’t mean it like that.’

‘I know, I was teasing.’ I said. ‘So, Kalakuta Princess?’

‘I only recently changed my name on twitter. It used to be Baby Lawyer.’

‘Really? So why Kalakuta Princess?’

‘I grew up listening to a lot of Fela, still do. And I love to dance. We have this joke among my friends that I probably was one of Fela’s dancers in my past life.’

‘You dance? I envy you. I can’t dance my way out of a paper bag.’

‘You don’t mean it,’ she said.

‘So I’ve called and confirmed your number works, I have to get back to work now. Maybe I’ll call you later, okay?’

‘Thanks for calling, it was nice of you.’

‘Cheers then, bye.’ I hung up, leaned back in my seat and blew out my cheeks. It was then I realised I didn’t even know her name.

Over the next three days we DM’d each other, and then she asked if I had a blackberry. I sent her my pin and was added by her. I asked her to see a movie with me the next day and she agreed.

We met up at Ozone Cinemas at Yaba, and after the movie we went down one floor to Chicken Republic for dinner. She didn’t drive, so I put her in a cab home.

– Hey Bobo, I just got home. Thanks for a fun evening.

– It was my pleasure. I’m glad you had fun.

– I want to take my make-up off. Just thought to let you know I got home okay.

– I’ll leave you to it then. Talk later?

– Kk.

My phone rang then. It was Wale.

‘Guy what’s up?’ I asked.

‘Nothing man, I tried calling you a couple of times earlier, but your phone was switched off.’

‘Yea,’ I replied. ‘I was at the movies. What’s good?’

‘Movies? What did you see?’

‘The latest Kevin Hart movie.’

‘Kevin Harrt’s hella funny,’ Wale said laughing. ‘So, did you go alone?’

‘You said you tried reaching me earlier, what’s up?’ I tried to change the subject.

‘Nothing, I was hoping you were free for a game of soccer, but e don pass jare.’ He said. ‘So, about your movie, who did you go with?’

‘Who said I went with someone?’

‘Are you saying you went alone?’

I could imagine him leaning forward, eyes narrowed to slits.

‘No, I went with a friend.’

Friend? Who be the babe?’ Wale could be one track minded sometimes. The track was usually the right one.

‘You no sabi am.’ I replied. ‘Met her on twitter and we’ve been chat…’

‘Twitter?’ Wale cut in. ‘Who da ho now, bro?’ He asked in that singsong voice that irritated me.

‘Oya bye-bye.’ I said.

‘Guy wait, wait.’ He rushed before I could hang up. ‘You free for soccer tomorrow?’

‘Yes.’

‘Game tomorrow then? 5-ish. I’ll get the full gist of this your date then.’ He hung up before I could say anything.

Sometimes I wondered where I got my friends from.

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