“So tell me you had Plan B” Inem said as I told her about my experience with Chris the desperate.
“Plan B? woman you make it sound like it’s a contraceptive”
“Sunshine, why do you always have to be like this? Don’t tell me you don’t have other toasters”
“Madam, my main focus right now is to make money, toasting or toasters is not on my ‘to do’ list pun very much intended”
“That’s why you are still single at 32”
Inem happens to be one of my off and on childhood friends, I usually say that we are off more than on but she’s definitely someone I can always call on anytime I needed help or a good time out.
Last weekend, Inem got engaged to the wealthiest of her ‘options’, an uneducated oil and gas baron from the Naija delta that could hardly hold a conversation without flaunting his wealth. We all (being Nky and I) think Inem is marrying him for the money even though she claims it’s love, then again if I had a 4 carat pink diamond centre and adjoining white diamonds on both sides weighing almost a carat each, I would be in love too.
“Sunshine, you are too fine to be waiting around or one guy to act right, you need to learn how to shuffle these men because that’s what they like”
“To be shuffled? Okay, please explain to me how because obviously it has worked out for you” I responded while staring at the rock on her finger. I just couldn’t get me eyes off that ring and wondering how much it must have cost.
“Are you active on social media sites?” she asked.
“No but I have tried to open a twitter account because my doctor told me his sister got a man from there”
“Twitter is for the under thirties darling, get on Instagram, that’s how you can attract the money men with your beauty, how do you think I got Prince?”
This was going to be a lot harder than I expected I could see.
Inem proceeded to download the Instagram app on my phone and searched for hot enough pictures that made me look ‘appealing but not thirsty’ (her words not mine). Unfortunately for her, I don’t take a lot of pictures so she had to be creative with captions as she specifically posted pictures from a few years back when I looked a lot smaller.
“But you know I am not that small any more right? I must have put on a good 15kg” I said hoping she must be confused or something
“I know and that’s why you have to go back to this weight” She said while pointing to the picture like it was something she had recently discovered.
Not only do I have to be active on social media, I also have to lose 15kg and still look appealing but not thirsty, all to get a man? This was definitely going to be a lot harder.
“By the way, have you noticed the guy staring at you from the other end of the bar” Inem asked without lifting her head.
“What guy?” I responded hoping Chris the desperate had not turned into Chris the stalker because he loves to stare.
“That guy” she said while I watched her raise her head up, look around and smile at the stranger like she only noticed his gaze. “Here comes option A” she said with a smile
Option A was not my usual cup of tea but when it comes toInem, you learn not to have a physical preference; you simply have a financial preference. He did have some sense of style and a good set of teeth when he smiled but as he walked towards us, I couldn’t help but notice the slight limp in his walk, it was hard to tell if he was born that way or if it was a failed attempt of walking ‘cool’.
Option A’s name is Nnamdi, he’s a pharmacist, a returnee and works with one of the multinational pharmaceutical companies. He’s 35, single, and has a daughter. I’ve never been a huge fan of being a stepmother but there’s nothing wrong with making new friends, who knows? I may get a contract or two out of him.
As I listened to Nnamdi and Inem have a conversation on the pros and cons of moving back to Nigeria (because that’s what most returnees like to talk about anyway), I reached out to my phone to check a message I had just received.
Hmm, he seems polite; I guess I just met Plan B