RELATIONSHIPS, TRUST AND PASSWORDS

It has been a while since I (Miss Gidi) posted anything, not that anyone has noticed really  (:p) but Gidi life sure has a way of taking over daily living and somehow I end up postponing putting up a post (please forgive me). Luckily, I have a fab team of writers (and more joining soon) who help me out weekly and keep the blog alive while I hustle to pay the bills.

Over the weekend, a friend of mine buzzed me to know what my thoughts were on transparency in a relationship, why people think I am a great counselor on relationships, only God knows but she needed an unbiased opinion and somehow Miss Gidi came to mind.

When in a relationship, there’s usually the question of transparency, not with regards to dealing with the past (like we have discussed before) but with how much you should say to your partner about issues surrounding your life and most of all how much access you should give him/her to your social media accounts?

My friend had called me because after 2 years of dating her current boyfriend she felt it was time to give him more access into her life and by that I mean give him the passwords to all her social media accounts and her personal email. According to her, she had nothing to hide so it was only natural. In return (and I guess out of obligation) her boyfriend gave her access to his Instagram account only, which kind of made my friend a bit upset. Here she was, willing to take the risk and put everything on the table because she had nothing to hide and there he was, restricting the amount of access he could give to her.

Of course it has become a problem and she now has so many questions such as ‘why won’t he trust me?’ ‘but we’ve been together for a while now so shouldn’t this be normal?’ ‘if I’m willing to give him all why won’t he do the same?’ and yadi yadi yada. Her boyfriend though sees no reason to give her the password to every little thing especially since they have a relationship built on respect and trust for one another. She believes there is more to it; he must be hiding something, something that my affect their relationship negatively.

So she came to me, hoping for some validation I guess…and somehow I wasn’t on the same page with her.

See in my opinion, there should be some level privacy in a relationship, just because you are together no matter the length of time does not mean you have to give everything about yourself away. On the other hand I do not subscribe to secrecy in relationships so your partner should trust that they could always depend on you to be open and truthful to them when need be. For example, we could go through my emails or facebook messages together but you do need my password to ‘check’ anytime you feel the itch to.

Obviously my friend didn’t agree with my opinion, in her words “Boys have not shown me enough pepper in this life” so I decided to bring it up on the blog while she decided to go back to her initial plan of getting the passwords out of him by hook or by crook.

I believe she’s being unnecessarily paranoid and is at the verge of denting her relationship but I may be wrong so what do you think? Should she go ahead to push for the passwords or are you on my side for her to let it go? And if you’ve ever been or maybe you are in this situation right now, how did you handle it?

Use the comment box below to discuss

Love,

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7 thoughts on “RELATIONSHIPS, TRUST AND PASSWORDS

  1. Hmmmmm… what works for the goose may not necessarily work work for the gander though. I think it’s wrong to assume another is like you let alone your significant other. Because you want to go through the others messages etc doesn’t mean they would want to or have any such desires. Now because they might not have any interests also (where it gets tricky), they might not want you doing it to them.

    I am not sure if privacy or choosing not to allow such access is totally a trust issue or not more than it is a personal preference issue. For most it might be trust or covering up of soiled tracks. For some, it might just be a personal preference i.e. This is my space and I want to keep it that way.

    PS – i also find it statistically to be men not interested in sharing paaswords over women. Maybe it’s an ego thing.. who knows

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  2. I don’t get the whole social media password sharing thing, the media there is already social what else are you looking for? If she wants to take her relationship to the next level she needs to open up her heart to him and vice versa, not her accounts. People are giving it too much power and you’re right, I think she’s going the right way to put a huge dent in her relationship.

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  3. First time commenting on your blog.

    Dont think she should push it. He has no obligation to, and is not an indication of cheating (although many who cheat, will not want to share… does not make vice versa 100% true). Unless perhaps she has had reason to doubt him or not trust him in the past, and this was just a way of validating her fears.

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  4. I don’t think he needs to give her, she should also change her passwords. Seriously y’all need to maintain something that’s just yours. I love my twitter, it’s just mine, I don’t see myself sharing it with my S/O or spouse. I respect the guys decision to not loose himself because he’s in a committed relationship

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  5. SHORT VERSION: not something I would do personally, but not quick to judge anyone who does.

    LONG VERSION, if you have the time to read it… Trusting someone is not the same thing as knowing what someone is up to every minute of every day, and as a result, you need to allow them have a private life OUTSIDE of your relationship. It is trusting them that allows you to give them the benefit of the doubt that they are not doing anything untoward during their time away from you… If you trust them, why do you need to know?

    Also, as someone highlighted above, whatever you look for, you will find… Things like context and margin of humour fly out the window when a partner is snooping… Things are easily misconstrued, and even borderline inappropriate jokes with platonic friends of the opposite gender can be taken out of line.

    On the other side of the coin though, if you’re in a trusting relationship, and you think that this is an appropriate step to take, I say do whatever floats your boat… In my personal experience, I am often at a point in relationships where I trust someone enough to share a password. Not in a “Hey! Sit down, we’ve been together for x amount of time, so I think the time has come for you to have my password”; but more in a “Hey, I can’t get to my computer right now, and I can’t find it using my phone, could you please log in to for me and retrieve so and so information for me? my password is…”. After that happens, I don’t run to change my password, unless the relationship ends, lol. Do I care if they log in and snoop afterwards? Nope.

    I guess a related question could be… if your SO accidentally leaves their social media page/email open on your computer, what would you do? My usual response: log them out. Their page is their private life, and I don’t go through that without express permission.

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  6. My take is different strokes for different folks. I don’t buy d idea of sharing my password , at least not in a formal way like I assumed based on your story. My advice to your friend is dat she should not ask him again , esp if he hasn’t given her reasons to doubt him

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