BEGINNING OF THE END

Hiya! Thanks for coming back!

So, let’s start from the beginning … because I really want to share real life experiences both mine and other people’s, I would like things to remain private for obvious reason and I thought of innovative methods to share these adventures.  I might even go through all the letters of the alphabet.  Hopefully before I get to “Mr. Z” I would have found my ideal man!  but…Just who is my ideal man?

Well first of all, I prefer dark-skinned black men; be dark-chocolate or be white, I sha prefer dark chocolate anyway, be attractive; this is relative, I love weird, not into pretty boys, have a job (very important), be passionate about something (preferably legal and of God), anything, but be passionate. If you do your own business; what exactly? No time for yahoo-boys claiming to be oil and gas and oh! I love me an alpha male.

Ok back to the business of the day, there was this guy, Mr. A.  He was my first situationship after my breakup with the only man I had known and almost married in 2012. Mr.  A was actually a friend, someone I admired professionally, we had this connection, we could talk for hours about everything, from politics to economics to religion, name it.

Seriously, on a good day, this was not even a man I should have ever considered, but then, what did I know sef, I was a newbie at 25 navigating the dating game, I had no idea what to want in a man, but then looking back I see why; I was vulnerable, hurt, scared of the dating scene and most importantly needed a friend and he happened to be right there.  He first said he was quite hesitant to try anything with me for fear of spoiling our friendship, he said “I usually don’t do this” but that he thought it was so hard not to want to try it even if it fails. For me, I thought it was convenient because Mr. A was doing a program at abroad and I was in Lagos, distance would slow down the pace and allow room for us to figure the “situation” out.

Sex was a no-no at the time, yes I believe in getting to know people before engaging in sex, but for real though, Christian girl aside, I believe sex awakens emotions too soon and sometimes blindly, so the distance worked perfectly for me. I liked the guy, I needed someone but from a distance.

At first, we had no problems with communicating until he started doing that thing most men do after a while; withdraw. Because of the distance, I didn’t feel good; I became uncertain, mostly because I never summoned up courage to define the ‘situation’….you know nau, I didn’t want to come off as needy or desperate, and he was someone I respected, I just didn’t know what to do at the time.

Of course, the danger of no title in “situationships” is you start wanting to social-media monitor them. As he was a big twitter freak, I found myself unconsciously checking all his tweets, and everyone who mentioned him that wasn’t private, I’d actually be upset if I checked someone’s profiles that followed him and was private, particularly if it was female.

Well it wasn’t long before the drama started; I noticed out of the blue, this East African girl from out-of-town constantly retweet-ing my tweets, then she followed me and always had something to say about anything I tweeted, surprisingly she was nice so I didn’t see anything to it. Now I know she did that to get his attention to notice that she was going to expose him to me because she too was hurting and knew Mr. A was flaunting me (his new project).  Once I remember him asking me if I knew the girl as we had developed some sort of e-friendship, being so aloof, I thought nothing of it…I digress

Eight months into it, I finally agreed to go on vacation with Mr. A, to be very honest I was curious to know what  sex with another man might be like, I had only known one guy so, yeah, It clouded my thought. Mr. A had planned a trip to some exotic destination, oh was I ecstatic, unknown to me that was beginning of the end.

While having breakfast on the second day on the trip, an unknown girl creeps into my mention asking me to follow her as she needed to tell me something and the account she had been following me from was blocked; I wondered how I could block someone I didn’t know. Turns out Mr. A had gotten hold of my phone and blocked the girl (I am naïve like that, I rarely lock my phone).

I normally won’t bother but for strange reasons I followed her. She then sent me a DM notifying me that Mr. A whom she referred to as “pathological liar” was her boyfriend and wanted to know if I had anything to do with him. Sitting next to him, I showed him the messages; at first he said nothing, then he said she was a stalker whom he knew a while ago and she would not leave “him alone”.  I responded to her, said I had no idea she was seeing him and that I was sorry for how she felt but that Mr. A is saying she is an intruder. Of course I was upset, but me being myself, I walked away, he tried to explain, tried to convince me but we kept going back and forth, nothing changed.

Interestingly, soon after that incident, my new East African friend and I grew closer, we exchanged BB-pins shortly after I returned from my drama filled vacation. On my part, I tried to move forward and believed that girl was Mr. A’s stalker indeed and he was just a nice guy whose kindness, a girl was exploiting.

Eventually, when it began to feel like I was in competition with a girl I didn’t know for a man whose character was nothing I should want, I excused myself. Of course it was hard to but I did, I couldn’t handle it, I don’t like crowded relationship.

One faithful evening, my new friend and I were BB-chatting about love and relationships, you know how easy it is to talk to strangers sometimes, I opened up to her about my ‘situation’; to cut the long story short, she also knew Mr. A and was having a situationship with him at the same time as me; turned out she had been with him almost four years and knew about the crazy girl whom he referred to as his stalker.

To make me believe her interesting story, she introduced me to other women whom she became friends with that Mr. A had played exact same game with and they all met along the line, turned out all of them knew the crazy lady…I bet you want to know who the crazy lady is…

LOL … see ladies, ALWAYS listen to your intuition!

Well that’s it for today 🙂 I have lots more stories but obviously I can’t say them all in one post so see you soon!

ImaRose

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7 thoughts on “BEGINNING OF THE END

  1. Wow. A lot of fuck boys around Lagos these days and social media is exposing them. How to spot a fuck boy, check his social media account, if its too clean, he is a player, if he is too engrossed with social media, RUN………… I wish all women had the mind to walk away from drama like ImaRose. Eager to know who the crazy girl is!.

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    1. This reply got me all kinds of confused. I’m new, relatively so, on social media. Make that social medium – twitter. My account is hella boring, but I go on twitter to see what people are saying and doing. Both of these things will tick your box above, and yet they have nothing to do with me playing – or not. Should I be condemned to the single life because of these?

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  2. Some Nollywood type drama right here, men sha. Naija men are just liars. This is annoying becos these days some women can play the side chick position well no wahala, so why even lie sef. Interesting everyday stories we hear and know of in this crazy Lagos.

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  3. This happened to me, unfortunately I fought with all my friends who were telling me the idiot was a yeye somebody, I didn’t listen oh, I agreed to marry the man, ok that a lie, I married him or he married me because I was pregnant, and for me getting pregnant was to gain the advantage over the other girls, as if that changed anything. At 35 today we are married and he has three kids from three different women outside, and I feel so unhappy, but how can I get a divorce, my parent will kill me. Well done ImaRose for sharing this story, we like to hide and for having courage to leave when you knew the truth, I wish I did. Don’t be like me, keep hope alive there are still good men out there looking for your type, don’t fall for that age rubbish, I am 35 and very unhappy, have children I must take care of but somehow I wish I never had them my life would have been easier, because I would have left, been married 6 years, its overrated when it’s for wrong reasons.

    I love this column by the way

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