CRAZY MEN AND PACKED BAGS

Fast forward to the Future …I have been in strong like, infatuation, stupidity, but I have not had that man I can say I really loved…yet, maybe high emotions, but definitely not love. To me, the man I will love will be my boo-for life, my ride or die, we’ll be bonnie and clyde…you know what I mean right?

On the journey of being found by my true love and after a failed engagement and Mr. A (the rebound guy) I ran into Mr. B and in between Mr. B was Mr. C…*sigh*

You know how they say about searching for what was missing in your previous relationship? Well they say you end up looking for it in the next. For my first relationship (not Mr. A, that was a situationship) but the unlucky guy, the one I had zero chemistry with. Truth be told, I didn’t know what to do, I was just supposed to marry the guy, my sister used to laugh at me because the longest conversation I had with a guy I almost married was during a fight. So of course, it was chemistry that drive me wild with Mr.B, I felt like finally a guy I can fall asleep talking to, he was my Gee.

Mr. B.  He was this “ex” I don’t know If I can really refer to him as an ex, since the whole thing was a big mess ; every time we had issues, he’d say we were not officially dating, we were just getting to know each other, what does that even mean?. Mr B and I were about the same age, actually we were so I should have known better, but that’s not to say younger guys don’t know what they want, but most of them don’t.

I learnt a lot about myself with Mr. B, most important lesson I learnt with him was, people will not necessarily treat you how you treat them and everyone’s understanding of what love is, is a reality of how they see life, also people are just people.

Mr B was my kind of handsome, oh and that Hausa-accent, chei! He had a job, was a typical trust-fund baby, a total “alpha” male except that he was very childish.  In the beginning, he put his best foot forward so I thought he was the coolest thing EVER; focused and knew what he wanted. It happened to be long distance, I know what you are thinking, me and long distance abi? but you can’t blame a sister because this our Lagos can be tough and I spent a good amount of time living outside Lagos so I don’t really know how to fully adjust to the ‘gidi’ dating scene.

Anyway, Mr B and I went to school together, as most new couples, we spoke daily, I slept and woke up with Mr. B on speed dial, and everything was perfect.  He promised me the world and talked about the future every chance he got.  At the beginning, I didn’t pay him any attention, I thought he was young for my liking, it was long distance and I just never saw him as someone who was ready for anything serious at that age.

Eventually, in order to get over Mr. A, I decided to distract myself by entertaining Mr B. With time, I started liking him; of course it was normal, he was pretty much a part of my day-to-day life. I noticed he was consistent and won’t leave me alone even when I didn’t pay him much attention and we started talking right in the middle of Mr. A’s escapades.

After he saw that I was beginning to really let my guard down, he started being himself; very childish, mean, and selfish. The age began to show, but I already liked him so much that I started looking for the good that wasn’t present. Typically Mr B. became distant, suddenly so busy, upset if I asked for a little attention, he did keep malice 4 weeks to a maximum of 3 months, and I’d always try reaching out, but he only always came around whenever he was ready to talk, never before, so it was obvious, I was now an option not the main one.

Mr. B. had no idea what it meant to compromise or apologize. Ladies, never, ever, convince yourself to make excuses for a man’s bad behavior. I really didn’t think much of the ill behavior Mr. B displayed until he went on some demonic, ruthless name calling fight, even threatening to send some pictures he begged me for at some point to bloggers all because I said, I was done. This was when I started re-assessing what possibly could have attracted me to this person. In my entire life, I had never been called names, I don’t know how to fight dirty nor understand how that equates to love, and I was shocked. I went from sadness and hurt to hatred and full circle back to pity for him. It was devastating, particularly because, I don’t know how to fight dirty and engage in name calling, no matter how upset I may be, but to be called the ‘B word’ by a man I had supposed feelings for brought me back to reality, to actually see Mr. B. for who he really was.

We finally reconnected and had a proper conversation, he apologized, begged, sent mutual friends to beg, promised to make an effort, plan trips, respect me, but it was all in that moment, I knew Mr. B was exactly the man I didn’t want, not that I didn’t always know, but it finally sunk in, and suddenly I was okay to wait for a man who would treat me exactly how I treat them with kindness, love and respect.

I have finally realized that when a man is not ready for commitment and/or he is in between several women, he could genuinely like you yet he may be unable to treat you right.

Looking back, I don’t feel Mr B. is evil, I just feel bad for the woman who ends up with him. He will grow up someday, maybe treat the woman he really wants well…all I know is, I definitely won’t ever consider him again.

At least now I know if I ever see crazy coming, I wouldn’t stand there and try to argue with their reality or deceive myself into fixing the situation, I’ll simply pack my bags and run.

On to bigger and better

ImaRose

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14 thoughts on “CRAZY MEN AND PACKED BAGS

  1. Seems like we are Have to Kiss the frogs before we meet our prince!
    My ex is a typical Mr B & am Glad I walked away when I did. No regrets whatsoever! I’m sure he’ll make a Good husband to someone, but am glad that person will not be me!

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  2. The things we through, men sha. Exact same thing happened to me. You are better than me, I hate the guy and I will never bring myself to have any conversation with him, what does he want to explain? Would really love to know how ImaRose was able to stop the man-child from putting her business in public.

    Another lesson for you lady, NEVER EVER send compromising pictures to a boyfriend, that’s husband’s benefit.

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  3. My ex is such a Mr B! Funny enough, he is 7yrs older that I am, but when I said I was done, I was called numerous names and he counted everything he ever got me. That further reinforced my decision. Good riddance!

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  4. I got chills Reading This, praying for God to send good men to all m’y single friends and sister, i know how ImaRose feels, i have been This woman making excuses for terrible nasty pièce of work called men, tell God want u want girl and keep praying. Until You have loved a good man, You are not in love, i agréé with You girl…. Keep up good work Guys

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  5. As a guy, I believe our generation have a huge role model deficit; we don’t really know how to treat women right especially if we feel she doesn’t need financial effort to impress, I can’t see I haven’t behaved in ways I shouldn’t have with my ex’s but at this age, I am doing everything I can do to be a good man in preparation for that woman I want, a good woman, but it’s not easy to treat a woman right in a society that sees that as weakness, cheating almost seems like the norm, I have married friend who try to arrange babes for me when we all hang out so we are all equal, to me I don’t want to be that married guy who sleeps with other women, so right now I am practicing this whole faithfulness of a thing, in my last relationship, I loved the idea of not lying or trying to cover my tracks all the time, monogamy is peaceful and very sacred, but I no go lie, its hard for a man in this Lagos where if you no want sef women go chase you, the in thing now is women carrying condoms, now if I meet a girl before I decide what category to place her na to check her bag. Well done to ImaRose for walking away, I tell my female friends always us guy will only do what you ladies allow us get away with.

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  6. I have been this guy but thank God for maturity. I still get the urge to apologise for the way I treated my ex’s, one of these days I will send all of them an apology email. I was messed up now I have two daughters I see things differently, we are all a work-in-progress.

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  7. Makes no sense to make excuses for anyone’s bad behaviour; man or woman, I hope you have learnt your lesson, if a man treats you like an option, treat him like an option simply. I agree with @anon don’t give husband benefit to a boyfriend, we women glorify boyfriend too much its not a title, only title worthy is a husband. Thanks for raw honest, Its a great lesson for all

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  8. I understand what you mean, I used to go crazy for chemistry now I hate chemistry, when I met my husband last January we had zero chemistry, he wasn’t even my type, but my priorities changed in what I sort in a man, he knew and loved God, kind, loving, huge heart, good to me, when a man is that way, love him, chemistry is a myth used to turn blindsight to rubbish. I love my husband more today than when I first met him and we haven’t known each other that love, that’s what love should be for a woman. To hell with chemistry. I believe most women have experienced a Mr. B, asshole this guy, I hope you cut all contact with him.

    Keep going girl, a good man is worth the wait.

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  9. I just saw this on twitter, and read through the comments, interesting discusssion. Any man who could threaten you with such, or threaten you at all does not love you, love doesn’t act that way, take it from me I am a man, I cannot afford to be that mean to anyone let alone a woman I’m supposedly in love with. I could be mad at her and keep malice because its easier not to talk, and we men run from issues, but threatening a woman is LOW. That is not worthy of a good woman, he should stick to those girls he picks up at Shoprite and buys lunch for to sleep with him, those ones won’t mind, rubbish.

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  10. I think we have the same ex, except mine is 43 and destined never to grow up. I hate to say this but a lot of men this side of the Atlantic are downright abusive, disrespectful, mean and aggressive towards single women. Unfortunately for us, these men know they are doing us a favour by taking us ‘off the shelf’ and with the biological clock ticking, most Nigerian girls/women put up with the bad behaviour because the reality is ‘single really is a bad word’ in this society. Having had a couple of similar experiences, with the heartthrob turned heart robber, the reality of this society is we must not choose a mate based on feelings but based on many other qualities, if we end up falling in love in the end, then we have won, but if you choose a mate based on feelings, the end will not be well. I’m glad to read you came to your senses eventually.

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