Fast forward to the Future …I have been in strong like, infatuation, stupidity, but I have not had that man I can say I really loved…yet, maybe high emotions, but definitely not love. To me, the man I will love will be my boo-for life, my ride or die, we’ll be bonnie and clyde…you know what I mean right?
On the journey of being found by my true love and after a failed engagement and Mr. A (the rebound guy) I ran into Mr. B and in between Mr. B was Mr. C…*sigh*
You know how they say about searching for what was missing in your previous relationship? Well they say you end up looking for it in the next. For my first relationship (not Mr. A, that was a situationship) but the unlucky guy, the one I had zero chemistry with. Truth be told, I didn’t know what to do, I was just supposed to marry the guy, my sister used to laugh at me because the longest conversation I had with a guy I almost married was during a fight. So of course, it was chemistry that drive me wild with Mr.B, I felt like finally a guy I can fall asleep talking to, he was my Gee.
Mr. B. He was this “ex” I don’t know If I can really refer to him as an ex, since the whole thing was a big mess ; every time we had issues, he’d say we were not officially dating, we were just getting to know each other, what does that even mean?. Mr B and I were about the same age, actually we were so I should have known better, but that’s not to say younger guys don’t know what they want, but most of them don’t.
I learnt a lot about myself with Mr. B, most important lesson I learnt with him was, people will not necessarily treat you how you treat them and everyone’s understanding of what love is, is a reality of how they see life, also people are just people.
Mr B was my kind of handsome, oh and that Hausa-accent, chei! He had a job, was a typical trust-fund baby, a total “alpha” male except that he was very childish. In the beginning, he put his best foot forward so I thought he was the coolest thing EVER; focused and knew what he wanted. It happened to be long distance, I know what you are thinking, me and long distance abi? but you can’t blame a sister because this our Lagos can be tough and I spent a good amount of time living outside Lagos so I don’t really know how to fully adjust to the ‘gidi’ dating scene.
Anyway, Mr B and I went to school together, as most new couples, we spoke daily, I slept and woke up with Mr. B on speed dial, and everything was perfect. He promised me the world and talked about the future every chance he got. At the beginning, I didn’t pay him any attention, I thought he was young for my liking, it was long distance and I just never saw him as someone who was ready for anything serious at that age.
Eventually, in order to get over Mr. A, I decided to distract myself by entertaining Mr B. With time, I started liking him; of course it was normal, he was pretty much a part of my day-to-day life. I noticed he was consistent and won’t leave me alone even when I didn’t pay him much attention and we started talking right in the middle of Mr. A’s escapades.
After he saw that I was beginning to really let my guard down, he started being himself; very childish, mean, and selfish. The age began to show, but I already liked him so much that I started looking for the good that wasn’t present. Typically Mr B. became distant, suddenly so busy, upset if I asked for a little attention, he did keep malice 4 weeks to a maximum of 3 months, and I’d always try reaching out, but he only always came around whenever he was ready to talk, never before, so it was obvious, I was now an option not the main one.
Mr. B. had no idea what it meant to compromise or apologize. Ladies, never, ever, convince yourself to make excuses for a man’s bad behavior. I really didn’t think much of the ill behavior Mr. B displayed until he went on some demonic, ruthless name calling fight, even threatening to send some pictures he begged me for at some point to bloggers all because I said, I was done. This was when I started re-assessing what possibly could have attracted me to this person. In my entire life, I had never been called names, I don’t know how to fight dirty nor understand how that equates to love, and I was shocked. I went from sadness and hurt to hatred and full circle back to pity for him. It was devastating, particularly because, I don’t know how to fight dirty and engage in name calling, no matter how upset I may be, but to be called the ‘B word’ by a man I had supposed feelings for brought me back to reality, to actually see Mr. B. for who he really was.
We finally reconnected and had a proper conversation, he apologized, begged, sent mutual friends to beg, promised to make an effort, plan trips, respect me, but it was all in that moment, I knew Mr. B was exactly the man I didn’t want, not that I didn’t always know, but it finally sunk in, and suddenly I was okay to wait for a man who would treat me exactly how I treat them with kindness, love and respect.
I have finally realized that when a man is not ready for commitment and/or he is in between several women, he could genuinely like you yet he may be unable to treat you right.
Looking back, I don’t feel Mr B. is evil, I just feel bad for the woman who ends up with him. He will grow up someday, maybe treat the woman he really wants well…all I know is, I definitely won’t ever consider him again.
At least now I know if I ever see crazy coming, I wouldn’t stand there and try to argue with their reality or deceive myself into fixing the situation, I’ll simply pack my bags and run.
On to bigger and better