SINGLE BUT UNAVAILABLE

Miss Gidi here *phew* it has been a while and June has been one heck of a busy month. 

First of all, I would like to thank everyone that came out to support the play even on the rainy days when I thought no one would show up. The stage adaptation of the blog was indeed a success and an emotional experience for me, watching the words from this blog come to life. I should have official pictures from the last day of the play available soon for your viewing pleasure 🙂 …

Now on to today’s topic

UNAVAILABLE

A lot of times, I have come across people who are single, who say they want to settle down but yet happen to be unavailable…emotionally. Most times this emotional unavailability is either caused by a bad breakup, lingering feelings for the ex, fear of rejection or maybe because they have a higher priority at the time. In Nigeria, you tend to find this more with men than women, most emotionally unavailable Nigerian men claim they are looking to make money before thinking of committing but if you push harder, you’ll see that some are suffering from rejection while some have a girlfriend/wife somewhere in the world.

Recently I was having a conversation with a friend about some guy she has been talking to, they’ve been on a few dates and he has been a perfect gentleman. Her problem is, each time she feels they are moving ahead and getting closer, he disappears and by that I mean he stops communicating abruptly, gives her the cold treatment and then gives excuses for being busy. After a few weeks though, he comes back to his chummy ways, a few dates, lots of phone conversations and poof! he goes cold again.  This has been an interesting cycle in their friendship for the last six months and of course I could tell my friend was tired of it especially since she kinda likes him.

 

Like my friend, I have been a victim of this cycle in the past,  where you are confused as to what exactly could be going on and how to get out of it. The problem is, instead of walking away when we notice this abnormality, most of us (men and women alike) make that mistake of trying to ‘fix things’ and in the process end up hurting themselves, crying a river and saying things like ‘he hurt me and took advantage of  my emotions for him’. Since  ladies tend to be the victims of this more than the men, I’m going to focus on the women today.

Ladies, let’s be real with ourselves, when he is into you, it doesn’t take much for you to see it. He will show efforts, take you out, make you feel special, call more than ‘chat’, compliment you and so on and so forth.  If you are unsure or have to ask then it’s either he’s giving you conflicting messages or he’s not into you…you choose. Usually at this point, the question becomes ‘Why would he even be giving mixed messages? If he likes me then why won’t he just act right?’.

From asking a few guys (cause you know I always ask around) here are a few reasons why he’s giving mixed messages:

  1. He likes you but he’s not looking for relationship (for whatever reason) and doesn’t want to lead you on so he has to blow hot and cold  (this is a very common reason for a lot of guys)
  2. He likes you enough to want to explore things with you, but you seem to be a bit more eager than he is so he needs to back off every now and then to slow you down. You are a good girl, he knows that, he also knows you want to settle down but can you not put it in his face every time you speak to him. It kinda looks desperate sorry.
  3. He’s probably has some kind of relationship with another woman already #nuffsaid
  4. If you have given up the ‘cookie’, thennnn maybe just maybe he really doesn’t want anything more than a casual relationship in which sex is the center…in other words you are a just a booty call… ma binu
  5. He just wants to be friends because he’s just not up for the obligations, expectations and responsibility of a relationship at this very moment….again referring to #4, you may just be a good friend ‘with benefits’

So! not like my opinion may matter much to you, but instead of trying to fix things, ladies please walk away; stay friends if you can but walk away (emotionally).

Although, I have heard that some ladies like to hang around so whenever he becomes available, they would be on top of the list…*sigh* I won’t comment further on that today.

Whatever the case, do what’s good for you…preferably what keeps your sanity intact

 

Till next time,

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2 thoughts on “SINGLE BUT UNAVAILABLE

  1. Seems like he disappears abruptly which can’t be a good sign. A genuinely interested fella would provide clarity around times of dissapearing if they are driven by genuine busyness.. But then maybe he just needs loads of time to process life.

    Like

  2. Wanted to extend my thanks to you, cast, crew, for a fun play.

    I’m emotionally always available, sempre libera, so help me God. I got that line from the play too (after the play): I am always single. Lol.

    Like

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