SEX AS BAD AS JUNK FOOD

Last year I read an article on psychology, the writer took a more academic approach by exploring the difference and how the lack of intimacy makes causal sex worse than junk food. But first, let’s look at the urban dictionary’s thought provoking definition of junk sex. “Junk sex is like junk food – not bad enough to avoid, but definitely not good enough to make a steady diet of.” The Urban Dictionary

This definition of junk sex sums why the effect of junk sex includes outbreaks of unhealthy relationship patterns, feeds emotional unavailability, creates a void of emptiness, malnourished emotional and spiritual life and ultimately leads to formulation of self-destructive behavior and in the term a very lonely life. In Nigeria, men are more prone to habitual junk sex than women. In case you are a bit lost in my very academic expressions, junk-sex is casual sex. So is junk sex as bad as junk food and is junk sex the same as causal sex. Today, I shall use the word junk sex and casual sex interchangeable, just know I mean the same thing. As an advocate for sanctified and exclusive sex, the randomness of sex is what’s wrong with dating these days as the tendency to put sex before knowing the person, often makes men, wake up to reality of “I am not sure” while the women fall into a cloud of confusion and emotional stress when a man walks away after sex. But, so is junk sex as bad as junk food to us?

There is no denying that unhealthy food tastes amazing and comes with a certain high that accompanies doing what you shouldn’t. If you give me one scoop of ice-cream with almond, coconut and chocolate cookie crumble, I will eat the whole thing, no such thing at just a spoon, I am going all the way until that cone is empty. That’s reason why I don’t include junk food in my office groceries shopping, because, if I have to go out to domino’s pizza, the one next to a cold stone, every day to eat junk, I’ll have ample time to rethink my decisions. Not to mention, the extra thick cheesy domino’s pizza or super creamy pasta at Cactus. Wait, where were we again sef, oh yes, eating junk food is bad. I guess you get the picture, stuff that is bad to the body is extremely appealing, well so is junk sex.

The author of the article mentioned that “in comparing junk food to junk sex, intimacy is lacking the nutritional value of sex”. Intimacy being feelings of closeness and sense of belonging with no barriers, which is what makes for a healthy relationship and in return explosive sex.

Recently I had my friend tell me “you know ImaRose you may see me as a player but I am getting sick and tired of having sex with girls and not wanting to wake up next to them; after it’s done, I start plotting my exit strategy or how to get rid of them. I want to be intimate with a girl and not wake up wondering why she is laying next to me”

For those of us on a #fitfam movement, you know how it feels when you have what you are not supposed to. Like when we eat that big bowl of Cactus creamy mushroom pasta and down it with some bad ass monster calories dessert? We feel regret and more often than not wish it could be undone. It’s usually the “oh crap” feeling that haunts us for like two to three days. Same goes for junk sex, you get that instant gratification and of course the feeling of regret that accompanies it.

I believe this is the reason why a lot of men in Lagos are professionally single, let’s face it, the convenience of junk sex drives their emotions into unavailability and traps them in ‘singlehood’ for a very long time, if not forever. Some of them become addicted to the adrenaline of junk sex that they continue this bad behaviour even after a delayed marriage.

On the other hand, some men fall into the junk sex experience so much so that like junk food, they become unable to enter into healthy romantic relationships. Not because they don’t want to, but because, they have become conditioned to being unable to give what is required in a healthy relationship. Don’t get me wrong, casual sex is a means to an end with full disclosure of intentions and expectations from parties involved, but let’s be real, how many woman can really stick to such terms and conditions? and for men, how many men can easily switch to a healthy state of mind once they meet a potential girlfriend?

I empathize with men whose means to an end is junk sex, but it can become a long life addiction, which like every addiction leaves participants still empty and always searching for more. Like my friend who is 43 and genuinely wants to ‘settle down’ but no woman is ever good enough, even when he is dating a girl he likes, he still goes about saying  he is available because to him that his way of making sure he is not settling when he could get a better deal. Men like my friend almost never find a good woman and end up settling for the most manipulative woman who would have trapped them somehow

I had no idea what good sex was when I was with the unlucky guy and that’s because there was a lot missing. When there are feelings involved, there is room for unselfish mutual satisfaction which leads to great sex, in my opinion.

In the end, you should know what works for you, would you rather intimacy filled with love and a deep connection or do you prefer instant gratification like our ‘fast foods’?

I for one, avoid rushed intimacy like a plague and that’s because my heart is not designed for emotional detachment so I choose to always make healthy choices, from the food I eat to the type of intimacy I experience.

Love,

ImaRose

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13 thoughts on “SEX AS BAD AS JUNK FOOD

  1. …my heart is not designed for emotional detachment …
    This is me o! I don’t know how to so its best to run away or in this case chase them away before someone will play tenten with my heart.

    I loved reading this; educaive and insightful 🙂

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  2. i am very glad that I read this piece. I am a chick and a lot of times I always run off from a man after sex. the sex could be fantastic but I always feel he isn’t good enough for me and this led to a long search. I am in a loving relationship but now scared if it is what I want, though I don’t have junk sex anymore. what should I do?

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    1. Dear Imabong,

      I empathize with your situation, however, I cannot say I understand what you are really going through as I have never had junk sex, but from what you have said, all I can really suggest is that you should take time off and detox from relationships, just be alone and discover yourself.

      When you feel this way in a relationship, it’s usually an indication that something is wrong with you and you can’t quite figure it out because you are sort of in denial, it comes across like you are using your boyfriend, who by the way could be a great guy as an escape of what is really going on with you.

      It will do you good to take time out and get to know yourself, until you know who you are as a person and a woman or a man, you won’t know what you want in another person, and no matter how good a man or woman is, they are never good enough for someone who is not ready or emotionally present.

      ImaRose

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I have always believed when there is a deep connection between the two, the intimacy is much better and not something you just do like you’d eat a cold-stone ice and that cactus cake. Btwn. Cactus, cold stone and domino should pay you ladies for this kind advert. Junk food intimacy in my opinion is just like using food as comfort, drugs and alcohol as comfort and many more behavioral driven actions as comfort. Sex should be enjoyable for both people involved not used as a way to block certain things a person may be unhappy about. ImaRose is always a great person writer, I love her expression and style of writing.

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  4. I definitely think that people need a “balanced diet” when it comes to sex. Causal sex is enjoyable where both parties understand and nobody grows stupid feelings and break agreement. For some, having a little junk now and then works wonders. For others, it can leave you with health concerns. Indulging in anything too much can have an adverse affect on people, so it’s best to just mix in a little Wendy’s now and then. Now I want cold-stone ice-cream exactly with all the toppings ImaRose describe, abi dem send una!

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  5. Honestly, I think you need to have a taste of all kinds of sex before settling down. ‘Yes causal sex can really help push your limits, both physically and emotionally…it just sometimes, heck, most of the time, causal sex lacks that little bit of soul and visceral passion that amazing sex should have. You know the kind – it leaves marks on you and three days later, something will remind you of it and give you a goofy smile. The person giving you this kind of sex might have six pack abs, he might be hung like a rhinoceros or she might do her kegels. Something is just ‘missing’.

    ‘Steak and Vegetables’ sex has more investment than ‘Junk Food Sex’ because it requires time to make; maybe the swapping of numbers, perhaps a date or two? It can still have ‘slam you against a wall’ awesomeness but you have to call it back the next morning, and you WILL remember its name. Sometimes this meal can be too big for some people, and require too much input to be what they want/need. One thing about this is that steak vegetable(quality exclusive sex) can be expensive not just in terms of finance but it will require time, patience, caring for another, understanding another, but ultimately this process will make you grow and become a man, a real man. I am a man, and I have lots of causal sex but I like ImaRose friend is getting tired of it, something is missing.

    While it may not be emotionally or nutritionally fulfilling, ‘Junk Food Sex’, as bad as it is tor your body in the long run, has its place. It is quick, it fills a hole and scratches an itch, giving you very temporary relief to a very momentary need.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. One way I’d extend this analogy is with alcohol. You go out drinking with your buddies or girls and you have the best intentions. ‘I’m going to have fun and see what happens. If I meet someone nice then great’.

    However, after a few too many, we are a little worse for wear and at the end of the night our priorities change. We aren’t feeling too picky, so whatever is local will do (KFC burger, Pizza and a nice small very standing breast with a nice booty and its game night).

    We get on and have our junk food/sex however we can. At the time it’s great (drunk sex is either great or terrible). Sadly, in the morning we wake up with the packing/underwear strawn all over the bedroom floor, something that was generally not as advertised (damn pushup bras!), we can’t really remember the sex at all and there is a strange taste on the lips.

    Here’s to alcohol and junk sex!

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  7. you should know what works for you, would you rather intimacy filled with love and a deep connection or do you prefer instant gratification like our ‘fast foods’?…. this should serve as a reminder to me.
    “avoid rushed intimacy like a plague and that’s because my heart is not designed for emotional detachment” …..i recently reminded myself of this and had to delete him from my bbm, will probably get mad at me but i need the space to sort out my feelings especially cuz i can be very impatient.

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  8. GREAT FOOD FOR THOUGHT. I have met great girls, there is this particular one I really like, to be honest, she is the wife I imagined in my dreams, the problem is I am scared she will get tired and walk away because, I am really struggling to be a good man and pursue her. As you ladies have as identified, junk sex makes us guys forget what pursuing a woman is about and almost see it as stress. since the day I met her, I knew she was different, but she seems kind of withdrawn and has mentioned to me that I am not ready for a relationship and she wont wait, truth is I am a casual sex regular, but I am getting too old for it and to be honest, it very draining. I want out, what would you ladies suggest?

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    1. Then be a good man…its a choice. If u really want to wife her then forsake all others and pursue relentlessly. Know her likes, be there, let her know u are thinking of her, make her think of u sef. Casual sex ain’t that sweet cuz u don’t love them.

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  9. Whoever will marry this girl will be so lucky, she is amazing. I am married to a wonderful woman but ImaRose is admirably a crush! The comments are so interesting and thought provoking…

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  10. I read a quote somewhere that says ” sex interrupts your creative and intellectual development and gives strength to your emotional cravings which should still be asleep”.

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