Last year I read an article on psychology, the writer took a more academic approach by exploring the difference and how the lack of intimacy makes causal sex worse than junk food. But first, let’s look at the urban dictionary’s thought provoking definition of junk sex. “Junk sex is like junk food – not bad enough to avoid, but definitely not good enough to make a steady diet of.” The Urban Dictionary
This definition of junk sex sums why the effect of junk sex includes outbreaks of unhealthy relationship patterns, feeds emotional unavailability, creates a void of emptiness, malnourished emotional and spiritual life and ultimately leads to formulation of self-destructive behavior and in the term a very lonely life. In Nigeria, men are more prone to habitual junk sex than women. In case you are a bit lost in my very academic expressions, junk-sex is casual sex. So is junk sex as bad as junk food and is junk sex the same as causal sex. Today, I shall use the word junk sex and casual sex interchangeable, just know I mean the same thing. As an advocate for sanctified and exclusive sex, the randomness of sex is what’s wrong with dating these days as the tendency to put sex before knowing the person, often makes men, wake up to reality of “I am not sure” while the women fall into a cloud of confusion and emotional stress when a man walks away after sex. But, so is junk sex as bad as junk food to us?
There is no denying that unhealthy food tastes amazing and comes with a certain high that accompanies doing what you shouldn’t. If you give me one scoop of ice-cream with almond, coconut and chocolate cookie crumble, I will eat the whole thing, no such thing at just a spoon, I am going all the way until that cone is empty. That’s reason why I don’t include junk food in my office groceries shopping, because, if I have to go out to domino’s pizza, the one next to a cold stone, every day to eat junk, I’ll have ample time to rethink my decisions. Not to mention, the extra thick cheesy domino’s pizza or super creamy pasta at Cactus. Wait, where were we again sef, oh yes, eating junk food is bad. I guess you get the picture, stuff that is bad to the body is extremely appealing, well so is junk sex.
The author of the article mentioned that “in comparing junk food to junk sex, intimacy is lacking the nutritional value of sex”. Intimacy being feelings of closeness and sense of belonging with no barriers, which is what makes for a healthy relationship and in return explosive sex.
Recently I had my friend tell me “you know ImaRose you may see me as a player but I am getting sick and tired of having sex with girls and not wanting to wake up next to them; after it’s done, I start plotting my exit strategy or how to get rid of them. I want to be intimate with a girl and not wake up wondering why she is laying next to me”
For those of us on a #fitfam movement, you know how it feels when you have what you are not supposed to. Like when we eat that big bowl of Cactus creamy mushroom pasta and down it with some bad ass monster calories dessert? We feel regret and more often than not wish it could be undone. It’s usually the “oh crap” feeling that haunts us for like two to three days. Same goes for junk sex, you get that instant gratification and of course the feeling of regret that accompanies it.
I believe this is the reason why a lot of men in Lagos are professionally single, let’s face it, the convenience of junk sex drives their emotions into unavailability and traps them in ‘singlehood’ for a very long time, if not forever. Some of them become addicted to the adrenaline of junk sex that they continue this bad behaviour even after a delayed marriage.
On the other hand, some men fall into the junk sex experience so much so that like junk food, they become unable to enter into healthy romantic relationships. Not because they don’t want to, but because, they have become conditioned to being unable to give what is required in a healthy relationship. Don’t get me wrong, casual sex is a means to an end with full disclosure of intentions and expectations from parties involved, but let’s be real, how many woman can really stick to such terms and conditions? and for men, how many men can easily switch to a healthy state of mind once they meet a potential girlfriend?
I empathize with men whose means to an end is junk sex, but it can become a long life addiction, which like every addiction leaves participants still empty and always searching for more. Like my friend who is 43 and genuinely wants to ‘settle down’ but no woman is ever good enough, even when he is dating a girl he likes, he still goes about saying he is available because to him that his way of making sure he is not settling when he could get a better deal. Men like my friend almost never find a good woman and end up settling for the most manipulative woman who would have trapped them somehow
I had no idea what good sex was when I was with the unlucky guy and that’s because there was a lot missing. When there are feelings involved, there is room for unselfish mutual satisfaction which leads to great sex, in my opinion.
In the end, you should know what works for you, would you rather intimacy filled with love and a deep connection or do you prefer instant gratification like our ‘fast foods’?
I for one, avoid rushed intimacy like a plague and that’s because my heart is not designed for emotional detachment so I choose to always make healthy choices, from the food I eat to the type of intimacy I experience.