SELLING THE LAGOS FANTASY

I am no glamour puss, I wear makeup on special occasions like dates, weddings, church sometimes and to work only when I have important meetings. I am not exactly sure how tall I am nor do I care, a while back I told this guy I was 5’7″ and he laughed so I thought I needed to verify my height but haven’t been bothered to.

Recently, my boss sent me to meet this lady to review something and write recommendations for a federal government project. On getting to Oriental to introduce myself, the lady looked at me with a little disappointment, calls my oga and says you sent this little girl with natural afro to me? I was expecting someone older with the way you talk about her.

Surprised? Well not really, I get that a lot and I am used to it. By the end of the meeting, she was telling me of her nephew who was single and needed a girl like me. Almost immediately, she called her nephew and that my friends, was the beginning of the journey with Mr. E.

Mr E and I talked daily on Skype, FaceTime and WhatsApp for two weeks. As most guys, he wanted to see my pictures so I directed him to my Facebook and Instagram account.

After I returned from my usual trips away, he began planning our first meet/date. Mr E went all out (I mean till date, I am not sure how) but we had a private picnic at the Eko-Atlantic, formerly known as bar-beach. I remember my nerves rushing in as I was pulling off bar-beach road, trying to sort out the confusion of the boys hustling to park me.

Maybe I should’ve won a dress not jeans and plain tee. I checked my lipstick, ran my fingers through my afro and wore my 5 perfume mixture, (yes I use five different perfumes, don’t ask why, that’s just how I wear it) . I got to the entrance and there was a guy waiting to walk me to where Mr E was; seated facing the sea…what efizzy won’t we see in this Lagos.

And there he was, beautiful to the eyes as he stood up towing over me for a hug…he smelt so good so I held the hug a bit longer to keep sniffing him. There’s something about a man who smells good and how he brings me to my knees. Note to self – tall enough, dark-skinned, good set of teeth, just my physical type, a little underdressed and wore slipper, so I relaxed about wearing jeans and flat sandals.

Dinning style sitting for two, but asked if I wanted to seat on the floor, so we sat on the floor. There was laughter, great conversation and good eye contact. For a change, he was the one asking all the compatibility questions. He says he’s dating with a purpose, not just to be dating. In my mind, I was like “thank God not another GROWN man who doesn’t know what he wants, or wants to “go with the flow” and “doesn’t believe in titles.”

Then, he proceeded to showing me this cropped picture of my lip and said he had been obsessing about kissing it. I found it funny, but felt a bit weird about him asking to kiss; nothing is sexier than a kiss I didn’t see coming. As soon as he said that, I stood up from my initial laying position and sat, poured myself a drink while praying “God please let this glass of champagne make me tipsy”. I happen to be very light-headed.

Then it happened. He leaned in and we kissed passionately, I kept breaking in between to reaffirm my position “this will not go beyond a kiss”. He agrees but carries on (of course). Thankfully I got disrupted by my phone ringing, a wake up call to remind me of my vow to celibacy.

Attentions shifted from my lips to my hair when my call was over. He touched my hair with fascination, stretched it down my chin, tried measuring how long it was, smiled and then said “You’ll look more beautiful with straight hair, how about you relax it or wear Brazilian more often like in your pictures”. I smiled and asked so “you think I’d look better without the Afro?” to which he answered, “definitely!”. smh

Men never know that some questions are an opportunity to take back the stupid thing they said. Anyway, I was a little ticked-off and pondered if I should explain how I felt? Or just move on from it, after all, such conversation was too deep for first meeting.

Mr E never heard from me again and this is because I knew I would not be able to keep up with his subtle demands and suggestions on what he ‘thought’ made me ‘more beautiful’. I could have continued and gone out of my way with the weaves and all to look acceptable for Mr E but it wouldn’t have been long before he found out that ImaRose is a simple Ibibio woman who loves to cook, read, listen to unconventional gospel music, loves good old jazz and loves her hair in a bun.

This is why I believe, Lagos men are so easy to deceive, but they get what they deserve, there are plenty of women who fit “the Mr E look”, are Instagram famous but when you see them at Sari’s salon and spa, you’ll cry for their bald heads and acne rid-face which 6 bundles of Brazilian hair and professional makeup hides. In short I bow for these women…

Dear Lagos men-hustlers, changing who you are to get a man will NOT keep him but that’s gist for another day.

Side-note: Do you know that in Lagos, a girl who has been around the block, in a bid to start ‘afresh’, would develop an overnight water-tight Christianity, acquire new friends, cut old ones off, join a new church preferably one where there are eligible young men (most on the island and appealing to ijgbs), scope a potential, find out what he likes, manipulates him into a relationship, becomes who he likes and then turns back to her old ways when things don’t work out?

Like this chic I know that went natural because she was dating a guy who claimed didn’t like weaves and makeup only for her to go back to wearing her full makeup and weaves when he dumped her counterfeit ass for a better woman.

Dear Lagos men, stop buying fantasy, let real women be who they are and not what media tells you is the definition of beautiful.

ImaRose is a real woman; she’s not every guy’s cup of tea. She is vintage Chinese tea with an old soul. And she is waiting for the man who appreciates her just as she is.

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16 thoughts on “SELLING THE LAGOS FANTASY

  1. U walked away from that fine-smelling brother???
    Pat yourself on d back. You are awesome.
    As for d hair lines and acne…My sister, Salon day is comedy day for me. I do have relaxed hair but, hubby knew what was under d weaves beforehand. Lol
    Signing up for d fan club too

    Like

    1. @MISSPYNK Sari’s really upset me, when he staff gave me severe injury unto fixing weave, I have scares and struggling edges to show and Sari’s had guts to ask me why I didn’t feel the pain when they were fixing it. Meanwhile, I paid almost 20k for hair I carried for 48 hours, I be Nigerian minister? I vex, eh!

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      1. Sound like Sari…you self carry liver- if Sari himself isnt madsaging your ego for that price no one else should be touching your hair. Lara’s staff did a wax for me- i almost cursed the day i was born. Sari only ever touched my eyebrows and I found an Indian woman that does it now for half the price so I avoid Sari.

        http://www.pynk360.com

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  2. ImaRose mehn, you make me look forward to Tuesdays, this is so true, Lagos girls are just FAKE. I knew this chick in QC, dark skinned, today she is yellow eh, I passed her once didnt realise she was my friend from way back! I think men should demand to see a girl in pure form; natural hair and makeup free before going there. lol

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  3. Imarose, how far na, tuesday don pass oh, abi u think say we go forget, my friend, submit post yare make person see wetin to take cool brain.

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  4. hahahahaha. Sweet smelling brother. Lagos is really a concrete jungle when it comes to dating. for us guys, it is difficult too finding that special woman.. a lot of fake women abound and they are not restricted to particular places… she is the usher, chorister at church, that normal, natural looking chic in the elevator, that poetic looking sister at Taruwa… they become a lot of stuff and end up nothing at all.
    its just the grace of God, i swear.

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    1. Keep the faith, most importantly, everyday, strive to become the man the sort of girl you want would love to have! Waiting is preparing time for me, lol!

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