AGAINST THE FLOW

Single and very open to mingle? Yes! Single and willing to go with the flow or stuck in an emotional rut? No!! thanks. What I want is something meaningful. I want a man who is ready and willing to share his life as I am. Not making sense? Let me explain.

Most single people like me are all looking for that “happily ever after”, we all have in our heads an ideal about what our complete package should be and look like, but wahala dey; these days’ relationships aren’t defined the same way as they used to. Recently, my friend, on trying to defend his commitment phobia said “Ima, it’s so hard for us guys to commit these days, girls full everywhere and are too available, and so we don’t even know where to start from”. In other words, our generation has found new ways to accommodate the complexities of the new age-living; the alternative lifestyle by accepting the convenient in the midst of the available.

Last year, I was driving my mother’s car when some guy hit me and broke one of my lights. I didn’t know when I blocked him and ran out of the car to yell at him, maybe my confidence came from knowing I could easily call for help if he wanted to beat me up because I was close to my office… Lagos drivers can bring out the worst in someone sha. As I was yelling and beckoning the guy to come down, another guy parks and comes out to calm me down and find out what happened. I knew the guy that hit me won’t buy the headlight, but I wasn’t going to spend that kind of money without making trouble, hiss. So that was how I met Mr F.

Mr. F, was FINE  but too buff for my liking, most girls like buff guys with defined arms, six-packed hard as rock and all, but buff built is not my cup of tea. I find it scary and cannot imagine all of that on top of my small frame. Anyway, his chocolate skin, height and correct set of dentition more than made up for it. Mr F was intelligent. As a sure Lagos boy, he smooth-talked the hell out of me, wined and dined me, once took me to his church, attended his friend’s wedding with him, but in my mind I was like “he is probably doing this with like 3 other chics, so I didn’t even bother reading meanings to it. I mean look at our own Bobo Nkiti, steadily running a consistent game with Cynthia, Rolayo and Keme. Until a man has laid his cards on the table, I don’t read meanings to anything.

After like three months, I, of course wanted to know what Mr F wanted to do with me, as he was taking too much of my time and not allowing me focus on being available for other guys. I am the type of woman who will tell a man the truth if I am hanging out with other guys if the question arises. This was up and running for like three months, I needed to know if I should like him or  keep my options open.

I preferred having this conversation in person, so we had arrange to meet up for dinner after work, we went to Yellow Chilli and ordered our favourite starter and by the time the main course came, I had no space let. One of the things I really liked about Mr F was that he didn’t have an issue with me dipping into his plate, like most guys do so we would often order different dishes and share with one another…romantic too

After climaxing on seafood okro and garri, Mr F asked “you wanted to talk about something?”. I almost changed my mind about bringing up the topic, because, I knew such conversations, could mean the end of a friendship, and I liked his company a lot.

So I started off the conversation with such hesitancy but eventually, got it out. “I think you are a great guy, I like hanging out with you, enjoy your company, we hang out a lot, in last three months, you have become a big part of my routine and I will like to know, what you want us to do, and I want you to be honest with yourself, what are your plans and what do you want to do”?

As expected Mr F froze for a bit, fiddled with my hair and then goes “you are a great girl, I like you a lot but to be very honest, I initially had no definite plans but I don’t want to lie to you, so please give me a couple of days to think about this and get back to you, preferably over text, as having this conversation in person sort of threw me off-balance”. So the evening ended with me requesting the no contact rule from Mr F, I didn’t want to confuse nor influence his decision.

After 8 days, Mr F texted me on WhatsApp, saying to let him know when I could talk. I responded and we booked a WhatsApp chatting time for Friday evening when I got home. Yes booked, because, he used to get upset if I took time to respond to his messages. We chatted, I was sad, of course I liked the guy, but he decided that he wasn’t emotionally stable enough to give me want I wanted and didn’t want to let me down like he did his ex. So we un-dated and stopped going on dates. It was weird at first, I would hold my phone and wait for him to accidentally message me, even though I asked him not to, I still religiously scrolled through his WhatsApp, read old chats, zoomed in on new profile pictures but managed to avoid messaging him. After a while, I got over it.

So recently, I moved to the island and ran into Mr F at a car wash. At first it was a bit strange but then I remembered he lives in Osborne estate which isn’t so far. Anyway, since our ‘chance’ meeting, Mr F has  suddenly become interested, and has been calling and texting me every day like old times.

I liked this dude and as you can tell I was upset when he gave me that ‘line’ , the kind of line you give to someone you have assigned to the friendzone.I felt like he led me on and then backed out but I  am sorta curious to know much more about him…I don’t think Miss Gidi would be in support of this one.

So my people, ImaRose needs your advice oh, what would you do?

 

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12 thoughts on “AGAINST THE FLOW

  1. Lol… That’s a hard one. First I appreciate his honesty . a lot of guys lie these days.. Lead you on and you find yourself one of many “gfs” if he has become interested again i’d suggest you just maintain your distance until he makes it clear what is it he wants before taking you on another trip.if he’s here for chats… Time to ex him for your own peace of mind. That’s my two cents anyway

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  2. Girl, don’t hold your breath. Your paths crossed and he’s now interested? Probably just wants to have some fun. If he was really interested,why didn’t he reach out before your paths crossed at the car wash? Not like either of u relocated or something.
    I don’t advise you to read any meaning into anything unless he clearly states his intentions toward you and your heart.

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  3. Run baby Run!
    Same thing Happened to me. Dude & I broke up in April; then we meet at a wedding in November & He starts the Chase again.
    Glad I didn’t give in!
    The Story is too long, but I’m sure it wouldn’t have ended well!

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  4. I am a woman, and I can tell you are a great girl, in my head we are friends, you are just the kind of girl, I would want my brother to marry. The other day, I was talking to my husband about a post you did a while back, and we were trying to brain-storming which great single guy we know that we should arrange a meet. Girl, please keep waiting, your man is on the way, and I can tell you for free; it is definitely not this one. Mr F is a lost and confused soul, you cannot save him, RUN!

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  5. *Insert the first line of Bea’s Comment here* Keep your emotions in your chest and Play!! Have fun! He aint interested, he just wants to have fun, so enjoy ‘yasef’ !.

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  6. Well, guess the unanswered question – and not quite sure if there is a way/means of asking it without making it sound like you’re hankering for something that’s not there, yet again – is what has changed since the last conversation. On the surface doesn’t look like anything has changed – if it had he’d probably have reached out without the prompt of this chance meeting… but maybe there isn’t anything to lose in any case, go with the flow, see what gives if any. that may be a dangerous tactic though, seeing as you clearly like(d) this dude…

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  7. I would leave the door open but not invest anything into the relationship. By that I mean, I will not call or text but will respond when spoken to. I will not go on any dates with him till he’s sure what he wants and if he decides he really wants to be with me , then he knows what to do to earn my time. But that’s just me, all the best with whatever you decide 🙂

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  8. You can choose to be moved by emotions and the quest for activity for the sake of activity. (A merry go round takes you round, makes you laugh, but gets you nowhere, while you have invested time you cannot get back).
    If you were an irresponsible teenager, we could all say ‘go and have fun jare.’
    But as a woman looking for a life partner, what justifications do you have for loitering around a player who has made it clear he ain’t ready for you?
    If you have time and emotion to waste, then go ahead and drift nowhere with this joker.

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  9. The recent interest is due to convinience. I would be wary and possibly put him back out of your mind. With men, there is no such thing as coincidence, if a man wants you he will figure out how to get to you. So my dear Ima, dont sweat it and keep it moving.

    http://www.pynk360.com

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