Still trying to settle back into living on the island, haven’t gone on any date nor met any interesting guy yet. But, wow, the struggle to get a bae is so steep on this side of Lagos. Lately it has me praying “Dear Jesus, you know Ima is so laid back she is almost horizontal, fix it Jesus, bring a good man her way” *amen*
So this week, I am just going to look at 3 kinds of man every woman should date at least once.
- The Guy Who Has No Idea What The Hell He Wants
This is the average Lagos bachelor. He is professionally single. On the outside, he has it all together; nice job, his own place, a car, church boy, he is constantly on his buddy’s grooms men team. All his friends and family are hustling to hook him up. He gets invited to and attends all the singles-mingle and any events with potentials for him. But the problem is, dude is directionless when it comes to relationship. He tells everyone who cares to listen that he is “looking for something serious”. Yet when you meet him, he avoids talking about what he wants like a plague or he tells you that he’s afraid of commitment, he’s been hurt, he’s taking it slow, or he wants to see how it goes”.
Like Bobo Nkiti, men like this are exciting at first, because everything is so spontaneous and you never know what he will be up to next. But they have no depth to them, that’s why they float around; hopping from woman to woman.
So why should you date him? Knowing or engaging with a man like this can be draining and it’s very easy to fall into the trap of wanting to fix him by loving him back to real life. But eventually when you wake up and realise that you are not a special case and that their confusion has nothing to do with you, it can actually spur you to determine and narrow down exactly what it is that you want in a man. Then you leave him to play his stupid emotional games. I have known a guy like this, and every time he tries to creep back into my life, my experience reminds me that he is the opposite of what I want.
- The Guy Who Appears To Be EXACTLY What You Want
So now that what you don’t want has shaped your non-negotiable list of qualities in a man, you try to cross the road, whenever you see crazy coming make it your mission to only give your time to a guy who knows what he wants. This is the guy with Audu Maikori chocolate skin, 6 feet or taller, good sense of style, good teeth, educated, successful business owner or has a real job, goes to church, belongs in a brotherhood fellowship, will hustle you fuel during scarcity…you know, your dream man.
So why should you date him? I am sure, you are wondering where I am going with number two here, right? When you set out to find this PERFECT guy, you will see that he only exists in dream land or the guy who ticks all your boxes then find that, they are cocky as hell or you have zero chemistry with them. The challenge with having a list for a dream man is, it doesn’t take into account that love grows with time and most times it makes absolutely no sense at all. In the last 12 months, I have met three guys who had every quality on my list, except of course for the height, but we had zero chemistry, and two of them were either in relationships and playing the field or emotionally unavailable. Moral of the guy number 2 story is, sometimes, dating your ideal man might teach you that sometimes ideals don’t match reality…and reality is raw and even better.
- The Guy Who Played You For a Fool
We’ve all been there before though, and most of us know how it feels to realize that the guy we thought was so great, the one we had such high hopes for was a total jerk. Whether he slept with you and never called again, or you found out he was wasn’t single like the impression he created, or he disappeared on you, when cycles like these come to an end, it leaves us wondering why we allowed that nonsense go on in our lives. So recently, I found out a sister-friend of mine, had been on a roller-coaster ride with this guy, whom I happen to know. Although he had been trying to ask if she has mentioned anything to me, seeing our recently public display of affection on Facebook. So, I decided to torment him a little, behind her back by calling him out on some of the evil things he did to her. Dude, refused to admit to any wrong doing. What was crazy about this conversation was the narcissistic traits highlighted in our conversation. By the way, my friend is getting married soon, and I was trying to get him to reach out and apologize, but the arrogant son-of-a-gun didn’t see what he did wrong nor a need to apologize, if anything he thinks he is the victim.
So why should you date him? He teaches you that only weak, insecure, little boys hidden in a grown man’s body treat women as crap. As Miss Gidi would say ‘Children masquerading as adults all over the place’ …I need to stop quoting Miss Gidi sha
*Side note*: I am actually long overdue for a date, y’ll already know what I like, arrange something!