Chilvary is Dead, but whose fault is it?

I know what you are thinking, sorry naaaa, ImaRose went from swamped with workload and barely having time for herself in the last two weeks, and now she is back to being centred.

Recently while playing the waiting game for some foolishness in the midst of five guys, my tired mind started listening to their conversation on how women these days are no longer women and now want to be men, and then I brought out my phone and made some pointer notes for my comeback post. As a woman, who always wants to learn and see things from a guy’s perspective so I can be a better woman to my future bae,

I love listening to a bunch of guys gist about us women and everything that makes us women; the goodness, sexiness and the occasional madness.

Sidenote: One of my male friends just told me about this unicorn he is dating, who’s just about perfect and hasn’t shown  any occasional madness so far, and I asked “not even pre, post or during PMS” and he said no, so I asked him to have her immortalized and sent to a lab at Stanford for research because clearly she has to be a UNICORN.

Dear men, if you’re dating a woman beyond four months and you haven’t seen her occasional madness, she is a pretender (the dangerous kind sef).

I am not referring to dramatic women who constantly want to argue, fight or start something, what I mean is after a while, a real woman is going to be herself around you; she’ll be moody, cranky, seek approval, crave unusual attention when she feels one-kind particularly during that time of the month. I cried last month in my car when one yeye bus driver won’t shift at an intersection so I can branch off where I was going. And single girls who find themselves crying in the shower for no reason say AMEN!

Okay, I am getting carried away…

These days the term “lady” gets thrown around a lot doesn’t it?  What does it mean to be a lady? Well, it certainly doesn’t mean the same thing it used to … or does it?  The whole feminist movement has changed the way women and men interact and how women want to be treated. Women like Beyonce and Chimamanda who are both married and have a kid or pregnant are telling women that they don’t need a man, how very silly.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not implying that a man completes or makes me a better person, but I believe that both men and women were created for intimacy, real intimacy, the kind that tinder, money, business or the prevalent hookup culture can NEVER replace. I don’t know about y’all but I want real intimacy, the exclusive kind in my life.

Mbok Feminists, before you throw your bras at me, wait a minute!

Your movement has paved the road for some great things for women as well as lifting the level of respect and equality to a new level especially in the workforce. However, such opportunity should not be an excuse for us to want to compete with men, struggle for power and control in a relationship unit or not want to submit to your own man. And for the record submission does not imply slavery instead it means showing respect…but moving on

In my opinion, only insecure women think of themselves as less than by honouring and respecting their own men.  There’s nothing wrong with a woman being able to take care of herself and do what she wants without a man but these days, women have allowed cliché feminist statements brainwash them into thinking that they don’t need companionship, intimacy, the fuzzy feeling of feeling protected and provided for by someone else other than themselves ..that they don’t need a man.

I am not saying be needy or clingy but when you put out the wrong energy what do you expect to get in return? Think about it, what do you expect to get in return when all you do is brag about not needing a man?  I always try to imagine, why in God’s name would I not want a man who just loves the hell of me, to call me, flirt with me when I am not annoying him, stay with me in the kitchen while I cook, pray with me on Skype when he is away e.t.c. But these days, because of how women are behaving men don’t do these things anymore, why should they? When we no longer have space in our lives for them…when we have made it an equal playing ground for us to be on the same level.

I have learnt that men need to be needed just as much as us women need to be! Last week, I went to this posh women’s  fellowship in Ikoyi, and I listened to this 34-year-old girl talk about her rules and regulations and how a man who kept secrets from her hasn’t matured in ‘love’ and I thought to myself, I hoped this madam would just realise that if a man hid or lied about how much he earned, then there was something he was insecure about or he maybe he didn’t trust her judgement.

Truth be told, Yes some men lie but as I watched her complain and start bragging about how well she was doing for herself, how independent she was, how she didn’t need a man per se but she saw a guy who needed some help climbing up the ladder, I was tempted to say “honey, maybe you are the problem”.  

Personally, I want to be treated like a real lady and I want a man to be a perfect gentleman with me, be or learn my kind of romantic; I want a man to open the door for me, I want a man to give me his seat on the bus, I want a man to pull out my chair, I want roses for no reason, I want us to cook together, watch anything together, hike, bae-cation, the whole nineyards.  I know what it means.  It means I have to also act like a real woman … to take care of my man how he feels loved and respected…okay enough with the hollywood imagination but you get what I mean.

I would like nothing more than to make my man feel like the king of his castle, keep him happy and satisfied.  Tell me … what is wrong with that? NOTHING!!  Yes, you heard right!! I’m not ashamed to say it and it doesn’t make me less of an independent woman.

It’s just my choice … everyone can choose their path, this is the one that I want.  I have a good job, my own house and a nice car and do I NEED a man to support me? No way!  But I do need a man to take care of me, physically and emotionally and love me unconditionally, while knowing his role as the man in my life and head of the home.

Ladies, let’s be very honest with ourselves, we need men in our lives, whether you can change the tyres or lightbulbs, you’d still want someone who can do it for you so you don’t have to bother (or pay)…so instead of making wrong choices and picking weak men, look at yourself, figure out who you are and then the ‘kind’ of man who can be your head, that you can ‘submit’ to….me for one I know that I am a strong woman so I cannot settle for an anyhow man who I cannot respect on a normal day.

So my Ima, are you out there?  My true gentleman? My knight in shining armor? If you’re out there … your woman is waiting for you! Find me soon, lets Bonnie and Clyde till eternity ends…..

Have a great week guys,

ImaRose

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5 thoughts on “Chilvary is Dead, but whose fault is it?

  1. I absolutely loved your post today. It speaks a lot of the truth some women (including my former self) close their eyes to. Being able to financially take care of yourself doesn’t mean you still don’t need a man. I mean not everyday take care of yourself, sometimes let your man take care of you too. The feeling that comes with knowing there’s someone out there that cares is just on a whole new level. Even “the Beyonce” they have made as their idol has a man. Abeg #teamneedaman

    Like

  2. Plenty of room for both genders to flourish, regardless of whether fish need a bicycle or not..

    Beneath our various airs, graces and tough exteriors we all crave care and attention, particularly when the lavisher chooses to do – whether we need them or not..

    Like

  3. I love a strong, intelligent, successful and beautiful woman who knows that benefit all the exterior she is still a woman. Imarose, I love you, marry me. Missgidi please hook a brother up na, why you dey hide this babe Sef, I want to meet her.

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  4. I don’t understand why people mistake feminis for denial. Being a feminist is simply believing in a woman’s rights. Woman rights has nothing to do with wanting or not wanting intimacy…there is nothing wrong with independence if thats what a woman truly wants. More often than not, many women want intimacy but are unable to openly admit it, instead they run off about how they don’t need a man.

    I wouldnt trade being married to my husband for any dirty independence. I paid bills and took care of me for way too long before getting married. There is no greater warmth than someone else over protecting you and making you a priority in their life. So Independence can leave through the back door…I am dependent and loving it while still having my career and own money.

    Immarose please can i come to the said women’s fellowship? I need to engage my creativity.

    http://www.pynk360.com

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  5. Imarose…..i dig u dear.u have said it all.thanks for nudging us women in the right direction…..its needed bcos most times we women feel we can do it all by ourselves but hey….every woman NEEDS a MAN.

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