LOGIC OVER FEELINGS

So recently a friend’s boyfriend was hosting some friends over and my friend invited me to crash the party, which I hijacked and turned into some late night into the AM tea party.

*side note* there should be a law against Nigerians who go to other people’s get-together or party, empty-handed. By the time I got there, all they had left was alcohol and I rescued them with cupcakes and of course my signature tea and lemon for the night-cap. There I happened to meet Mr G’s daughter, a girl who would have been my step-daughter but let me even gist you about her father, Mr G

Sometime last year, when I was transitioning from an abusive relationship to singleton, I met this hot stud in Ikoyi traffic, cutting eye for me and trying to make me stop, dude gave his complimentary card to a street seller to give me, but I returned his card with mine, there was no way I was going to spend my credit to call him because he had a nice car. Mr G eventually called me two days after that episode, I had totally forgot about giving him my card so our first conversation was quite short.

That conversation was the start of Mr G in my life. Initially, I was very dismissive, but dude had special anointing for patience. Obviously I was not looking for a relationship but hey as a woman of course I enjoyed the attention I got.

If I by accident said I liked something, he’d get it and send to my office as a surprise. Mr G would give me BNatural spa vouchers during that time of the month to go for body scrubs and massages. *another side note* Dear Nigerian men, find out what a woman likes instead of trying to get her fat with dinner and ice-cream. Some of us appreciate the little things more than a Prada bag, mbok. Wait ooo, Prada is nice, but little things are romantic and more thoughtful.   This man knew I was a sucker for the little things, and he went above and beyond with the flowers, teas and spa vouchers. What didn’t Mr G do?

The problem was, at the time Mr G was about 50 years old, divorced with three children …adult children with the oldest being four years younger than I am. At that age, this man knew how ‘woo’ a woman, from sending flowers at least once a week to my office, sending me surprise lunches, sending his driver with a note for lunch in some coded spot in this Lagos. Mr G did it all, remaining small he could have sent a chopper to air-lift me from Lagos traffic.

I had told him from day one, I wasn’t going to sleep with him, but he kept doing all the right things, just to see how far he could push it, but nothing; my state of mind was too upside-down to even think of having random sex with anyone, either young or old.

When he realised I was not bulging, he resorted to sending me pictures of rings because he had fallen in love with me and he wanted to marry me. He then became extra possessive and protective which made it funny because I was not his girlfriend. One time, he got really upset because I went on a date with a ‘potential’, look eh,  ImaRose is www.nothing2hide.com.ng, dating you does not mean I am in a relationship with you, same goes for talking or sending kissy emojis so what I do and how I choose to spend my time is really none of your business until you take the step as a man and ask me out the proper way and I agree to be your girlfriend.

Back to Mr G, after a while, I started thinking; maybe it won’t be such a bad idea, I mean regardless of the 20 plus age difference, he didn’t look it and he was caring. So we started having the full disclosure of expectation discussion, the whole-nines; intimacy, finance, future kids, current kids e.t.c. I am someone who wants to know what I am getting into especially in a case like this, I mean what was his relationship with the ex-wife, because if they are still battling it out, I don’t want any part of it, does he welcome the idea of more kids and if yes, how many? what exactly was he looking for or was I to be his trophy woman? It as important that I knew these things and I advise every woman to do the same.

A little history, my mother had me before she got married and to her displeasure, her family forced her to have me then took me away from her so she wouldn’t see me as a barrier to living her own life. Two years later she met and married her husband, but I was always treated as the additional extra. As a child it hurt my feelings, so I grew up not liking her because her husband made her feel like having an external child was shameful which affected her decisions once I was involved.

Luckily,  my grandparents loved me and shielded me from that environment until I was almost a teenager. So, I have lived that life and I know what it is, and I would not feel comfortable if I was with a man who had children but wasn’t involved their lives for any reason.

Who else saw that picture of Alicia Keys, her husband Swizz beats, their two kids together, Swizz Beats’ older kids from his previous marriage and the Swizz Beats’ ex wife and her boyfriend on holiday together? I could totally do something like that. Life is too short, mbok!

So, I asked Mr G if he saw himself having more kids and how many, Mr G was like “oh no, no more kids for me, I can’t be changing diapers or doing school runs at this age”. Hmmmm…let’s just say I had to end it right there because that life was not what I wanted for myself.

Funny thing is, he never understood why I would shut him down like that despite the gifts, trips, e.t.c. He was used to younger single women, offering themselves based on his wooing skills but not this single woman.

See eh, as Miss Gidi likes to hammer into my ears these days, it is important that you know the life you want as a woman, that way you will know who you can live that kind of life. This relationship thing is clearly a combination of attraction, feelings and logic.

Can my Ima find me already because babe is getting tired of all this

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4 thoughts on “LOGIC OVER FEELINGS

  1. Reading this post is a emotional for me, I am that child too. Nigerian culture shames women who have kids and treat them like they cannot love that child or almost have to hide that child in order for a man to want them. My own mum used to deny me to people, claiming I was her sister, we never had a good relationship, as a child I wouldn’t understand why she couldn’t love me, so I went through life looking for love and approval from wrong places, made many mistakes, had a child too out of wedlock, but because I have felt that pain, a man who wants me has to accept my child and love my child too and that I cannot negotiate! Today I am married to a great man, I have more children but sometimes, I still feel like that abandoned child who wasn’t worthy of her mother’s love, it’s even more painful because I have to care for her and my half siblings financially. ImaRose, I pray that God rewards you with a loving future husband to maybe up for that childhood because I totally understand it even though this post down plays its effect.

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  2. Na wa oh, I thought na weekly column be this, I don read old post tire no new post almost three weekends now! Hiss, Nigerians cannot be consistent with anything!

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