FLIP

So all you people abusing me in your comments, abeg put me for ground oh, blame Ms Gidi oh, she is busy planning wedding. I send her a post and she won’t remember to  post until two weeks later, then she will edit and re-edit and make sure my gist is straight to the point, what can I say? that’s why she is Madam Editor.

Okay, seriously, I need to start leaving my charm at home. Last week (this last week could be 2 weeks ago depending on when Ms Gidi posts this), I had a meeting that turned into a 6 hour date, it wasn’t until my phone rang that I realised I had been talking to this guy for over 6 hours. Prior to the meeting, he called me to say he couldn’t find my work number on whatsapp, and I was like no darling, I don’t do multi-whatsapp, barely have enough time to manage one.

Remember the guy who cooked me brunch in his new house after church one Sunday, yeah that guy. I really liked him at first until I noticed all his numbers were on whatsapp and he maintained all his whatsapps, that and not answering some calls in my presences that had all my warning alarms going off.

Living a double life is so off-putting for me, like it’s not that serious, you want to deceive as many babes as possible, that’s your business, but give those of us who will easily let you go when you are acting confused or suddenly disappear a chance to say “no thanks, I am not going on that emotional roller-coaster with you”.

So back to the longest meeting/date I have ever had. I eventually gave this guy my personal number and he started toasting subtly, but I didn’t know until the meeting/date. On day of meeting, he called and was like, from all our correspondence, I notice you hate driving (driving is a calling that it’s not mine, I HATE IT) can I send someone to pick you up as there is so much traffic. But what is with traffic these days, “nsi-do” “kilode” “ogini”? I was tempted to say yes, but I had beach yoga later, so I turned down such a thoughtful gesture.

First time I met this guy, we talked about something to do with marriage and I was like, “if” I get married and the guy was like “no when” you get, if sounds like you don’t believe in or want to get married.” This time, he was like you are too fancy a woman not to be wifed up, I am sure your husband is looking for you, maybe it’s me, maybe is someone new or someone you already know now.

Quickly, the conversation evolved to data collection; wanting to know what he might be dealing with should I give into his advances. We were sorting of throwing questions at each other and then I asked “why will a man go from constantly reaching out and seeming all interested to little or no contact or the excuse of being busiest person on earth”.

He took a deep breath and then he said, ImaRose, I am going to flip that question around instead “if you were a man, why would you do something like that”? Suddenly I got it; it’s like we ask others for validation to counter something we already know to be reality. I didn’t want to answer so he asked again; “if you were a guy getting to know a girl and you only called and texts like once a week. Why would you do that?”

I answered;

“I’d probably do that because I wasn’t that into her but wasn’t willing to let her be probably because of incentives like the opportunity to have sex once in a while, so I will create the distance, but reduce the frequency of contacts so she knows it’s not that kind of party”

Then he went, us guys are so simple but women refuse to believe us when our actions say what we are not bold enough to say……….there goes the light bulb moment and flash of clarity.

The problem is most times us women want to keep hope alive, even when the man has given us nothing to hold unto. Then before you know it you are the accidental booty-call, then one day he will wake up and tell you “we were not dating”. For me sex with men I’m getting to know can make me emotionally unavailable to other potentials and I don’t want that.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that flipping the situation can 
answer a lot of relationship questions. 

Let’s say I was a guy and I wasn’t making time for a woman I claim to like; I was sort of distant and will call her every once in a while and text her occasionally, why
would you do that?

It’s not rocket science. Let’s assume for a second he was away from his phone for whatever reason (very rare in this day and age), you got caught up and were busy doing something else; rotating your interest among several women or you weren’t that into her and didn’t feel any urgency to text back because you didn’t really care if she stuck around or not. Sometimes it could be a deliberate act for you to read the signs and not stick around.

Throughout my dating career, I have seen men act like this so often, me I just watch them and after a while rip the band-aid off and let it die a natural death.

Girls, next time you’re trying to understand why a guy is acting a certain way, flip things around and think of the reasons you might do said behaviour. I don’t even have the time to be wondering why a man is acting how he is, to me, his actions and inaction will tell me anything I need to know about his reality and I don’t argue with people’s reality, I take it for what it is. I will only feel bad if I broke my own rule of no sex until we know what we are doing. I have done it, and for a while it bothered me, but hey, we live and we learn daily. In case someone else “wants to screw up my perfect little life, I am not going there again, lol”.

I couldn’t believe I could do something like that sha, at least now I know that even I can break my own rule. Dating seems really confusing, but the answers are usually right in
front of us, we just choose to look the other way because sometimes the truth
hurts.

We ended the conversation with him saying “I am telling you this so that when we date, I was like no, “if” we date”, you can call me out on my bullshit, I will be willing to talk to you about how you feel, because sometimes, I am not deliberately trying to be an asshole, even when I am busy, and I am very busy I promise to talk about it”

And I was like on one condition, we are not hanging out in each other’s houses or enclosed places, I was celibate for over a year until, recently! I don’t want to have to count in both hands, it used to be one hand, and it’s now both hands, before I meet my “Ima”

Na wa o

ImaRose

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13 thoughts on “FLIP

  1. Girl! Wish I’d come across this blog like 5 years ago!
    Well, experience isn’t sold in d market and we all gotta learn one way or another. Someone who likes you will do everything he/she can to make sure you know it and you’re secure in that knowledge. In the event that a call goes unanswered or a message isn’t responded to promptly,he/she let’s you know asap and reassures you that all’s ok. Any Maga who keeps giving the “I was too busy to reply your text/take your call” obviously isn’t interested and it’s best to give yourself a brain,smell the coffee and move on. You’re obviously not a priority. Haven’t we all come across men and women alike who even in d midst of important meetings, still find a way to chat? Good riddance to bad rubbish!

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  2. ImaRose stop being hard on yourself you are human! I love that you are honest and share your journey in a raw form with us, sometimes you never know who you are encouraging with the stories you tell in such a jovial way. In a world where many hide their mess, I love reading raw and honest emotions!

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  3. The unlucky guy, Mr A, Mr B, Mr C, and the new guy who broke your celibacy, babe relax, you are on number 5 only, some of us have counted both hands and legs and are loosing count. I’d give anything to take my soul back from all those guys, thank God for the blood of Jesus sha. Lol

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  4. Moment of truth. Women liking giving life to nothing; a man’s action speaks the truth stop listening to bullshit and all those copy and paste txt he sends to like 7 babes on his contact. Miss gidi no dey try us again oh, we dey miss Tuesday post and Bobo no dey kuku write again

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  5. ImaRose is back! Ms gidi, no dey try us again oh if not na to protest for your wedding!
    Seriously men are not that hard to figure out, but sometimes ladies want to read too much meanings into what the guy is not even thinking about, if a man wants to be with a woman it’s usually obvious, I tell my single girl friends stop giving seats to benchwarmers, he will distract and sometimes chase away mr right. You deserve a man’s expression of intent!

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  6. I fully endorse this article and all it is saying. Free your mind ladies, if he stops texting, he’s just not in the same place you are, if he ain’t calling he ain’t calling and he ain’t interested. Shikena! Don’t worry Ima we will keep waiting patiently. The dude sounds straight forward though… I am intrigued to see where this goes 🙂

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  7. ImaRose am praying for you to be found by the man whom you will love how Khole Kardshain loves Lamar and better because it will be a healthy relationship! I proclaim before the 31 of December he would have found you and won’t waste anytime nor keep you guessing in Jesus name, amen!
    I love this post a lot, I prayed that prayer because where you are right now is where I was two years ago, tired of all the bullshit games around dating but not willing to settle! Baby girl keep hope alive!

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  8. Can I like this post more than once, if I say this doesn’t resonate with me na lie I lie.
    I will try the flip it method for clarity in the future, sometimes as women we know but like one commenter said; “we like to give life to what doesn’t exist”.
    On breaking rules we make, let me just sip my tea well. All I know is slowly but surely and steadily, we will there. 🙂

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  9. Ummm……. I just read this, and saw it as an answer to what I’m going through. Instead of second guessing moods and asking questions that will never be answered, and looking like as though yur the one being a troublesome nag. Let him be. If he wants , he’s goina show and be sincere about it.

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    1. Go girl. I believe it was Iyanla who said “when you argue with people’s reality(what is) you suffer! A man’s actions towards a woman is hardly an accident, pay attention and never seem to control or influence his decision. And who wants a man they have to convince there are the one anyways? Not me! A friend told me a story recently about a man who told a man who is married to now that he had three options and was praying for who to chose from,and she said it like she was the winner of the lot. Something about that bothered me sha, I want a man who knows for sure its me he wants, I can’t put myself through stressing of competing for man!

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  10. Ima, I love you so much, you always speak from the soul and use real life situations to give us therapy! This speaks to me “a man who wants you will come forward with his intentions” the ones who are now sure are not good for us! Ms gidi don’t try us again oh, sometimes a girl needs another girl to say, am going through it too! I love you ladies, keep it up

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