Happy new year Family!!! Yes it’s me again, Imarose and I know I have been MIA for a bit but don’t worry, it’s a new year and I will attempt to be better.
Have you ever been to a single-and-mingle event in Lagos? I have and I can tell you Lagos is full of some many single women, while every guy in Lagos is single; married-single and in-relationships-single, all men in Lagos always claim singleton. So much so that, Iranian, South African, Zimbabwean, Moroccans and Kenyans women full Lagos this festive season, all of them booked that hotel that has now turned runs-girls hostel Raddison Blue looking for these single men.
The other day, this Zimbabwean chick I went to school with came all the way from New York to mingle on account of, “God told her she will marry a wealthy Nigerian and because she happens to know the wealthiest woman in Africa, she brought herself here to try to mingle with one of her single sons or their cousins” *takes a deep breath*
The funny thing was we all hung out and her mark paid her no attention while her friend this other SA chick engaged to a Lagos boy was getting upset because her boo was too engrossed in a conversation with me about the declining Nigerian economy even though we just met. In my head I was like, see these foreigners o, we Lagosians never find our own husband finish and you are just going to come and in 10 days pick up yours from the streets of Lagos, just like that…wonders shall never cease
Back to the matter, jare…..
Most people who are dating are looking for the ideal partner, but why are so many of them having such a hard time in a city full of “single” people? That’s easy to answer. It’s because finding the ideal partner requires selective dating which a lot of people do not practice.
Selective dating is about identifying the type of person you date. It doesn’t mean being picky, it means not compromising on the things that are important to you, it means not compromising on your values and it especially means not compromising on your self-worth. Sounds easy enough, right? Not so much. Sometimes, single women will let important things slide and settle for the sake of having someone around or whiling away time while trying to keep that option open. If you are like me, seeing someone and keep options open is nearly impossible.
Today, after seven months trial of this experiment that yielded a positive result for me, I am here to say if you are really serious about finding love, be selective about who you date … here’s why;
So what ARE the best traits to look for in a partner? Well, luckily someone has done the thinking for us. I was reading an article from Samantha Joel that stressed the importance of responsiveness in a relationship. What does that mean? Well, the author defined it as “someone who makes you feel understood, validated, and cared for ” because “it’s easier to work out relationship issues, big and small, with a partner who’s more responsive rather than less“.
She goes on to characterize a responsive partner with three important traits: Understanding, Validating, and Caring. Understanding partners are partners understand that feelings are not right or wrong, they are just feelings and everyone has a right to theirs. They also Validate your point of view by making you feel respected and important to them (even when they don’t agree with you).
Lastly, a responsive partner is Caring – they are concerned for your well-being, communicate with you and express affection. These traits ultimately are what keep relationships going in the longer term. Remember Mr October? I kept waiting for him to change, disappoint me, disappear or minimize contact, yet it keeps getting strong, I can’t chase Mr October away, so I have committed it into God’s hands. Recently, we had our first fight and he was still caring and considerate of my crazy-ass even though his stubborn behind didn’t agree with me and I was like finally, so this is what this should feel like
They also ensure that you will always resolve disagreements with ease and no fear of staying in your feelings and feeling the heck out of them even when they don’t make sense. .
What does that have to do with dating? Miss Gidi just got married ask her! I feel happily ever after and forever has everything to do with your choice in partner. When you choose right, you typically end up in a better place. That’s true for everything in your life. It’s all about quality. Problem is that we’re too anxious and in a hurry to end the singleton disease, hence, we lose sight of the true end goal; happiness.
We tend to forget what really makes us happy. What’s the solution? You need to practice selective dating which means:
- being happily single
- enjoying the process and forgetting the outcome
- being aware of red flags
- listening to your gut instincts about someone
- being true to you
So there you have it. Something to think about this new year.
Everyone deserves an ideal partner.
Categories: the urban dater