G IS FOR GISTING

I can already hear you all snorting. Gist. Goshhhhhh. How does ‘gist’ make one cool? Isn’t it for tafofos and the like? Isn’t it for gossips? Isn’t it for *gasp* razz twitter people?

Oh dearie dearie me.

How wrong you are. Gist, my dear learners is the bedrock of coolness.

How do you think Linda Ikeji bought that mansion? Yes, blogging. But blogging about what?

Gist!

She doesn’t have to actively search; it comes to her. For example:

The Tbillz and Tiwa saga? – Breaking news on Linda.

Too soon? Eeeeeek. Okay, moving on swiftly.

Anyway, even if you don’t talk too much, you have to be in the know. As a cool kid, you Must make it your duty to know what’s going on…albeit stealthily. There’s a thing line between Knowing and Gossiping. Do some non-intrusive research.

Like me – how am I always in the know? I don’t ask. No no no. I simply listen. When you perfect the persona of not caring about anything, people flock to you with gist. I’m on my lonesome scrawling through my twitter and I see some gist floating but I don’t want to seem like I care about it.

What do I do? I simply RT a renowned tafofo’s take on the gist with ‘Sigh, here we go again. You guys and your drama.’

Next thing – people are chooking their mouth in my mentions, giving me different variations on what’s going on. Without me saying anything that seems like I want the gist. As more and more people flock to my mentions, as more and more people RT these tweets with my handle linked…before you know it, I have tons more followers and people gagging to drop sweet info in my mentions.

I kid you not. I have gained almost a hundred followers in a day as a result of this. And trust me guys, ‘twitter celeb status’ equals instant interweb coolness.

This is me talking from experience of course *wriggles eyebrows*

Oh, you want more tips on non-intrusive research? Fine, I’ll tell you. RME

Social media is KEY! Once you hear something about someone but you’re not sure if it’s true or false, make sure you do some research on allllll platforms. Check your Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat and even Linkedin. Oh, but make sure you log out of Linkedin before searching for that person’s name. You don’t want to be one of those ‘people who viewed your profile’ types.

Research, not stalking.

Then go on your group chat and oh so airily drop in a ‘these ones are at it again.’

You’re bound to be hit with a ‘who? Do you mean Bola/Tito/Jumoke?’

Then you reply, ‘oh you’ve heard of it too?’

Sit back, grab your popcorn and feast your eyes on the gist as it pours in.

The good thing about all of this is, people will always tell you stuff. Why? You never spread gist, but you always know. You always just smile coyly and wait like the goddess you are as people clamour to give you sweet sweet gossip gist.

Go forth and prosper, future Linda-lings J

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