Dear Mz Gidi,

The name is Tunde and no I am not a yoruba demon. I don’t usually comment on the blog but I wanted to share my experience with everyone of dating an abusive woman.

A lot of times when people talk about abuse in a relationship, it is always the man that is the abuser and the woman that is the victim. I am not denying that some men are abusers but we need to realise that some women are worse than the men that they portray abused them.

I have never hit a woman in my life but once I considered it because I was pushed to the limit by the woman I was with at the time. The truth is, she was abusive, she was an emotional bully and also verbally abusive. When I was with her, I lost all self-esteem and confidence in myself because with her nothing was ever good enough.

It wasn’t as bad when we first started out then again I think it is because I thought I loved her so I overlooked some of her behaviour and thought I could ‘tame’ her craziness…that was a great mistake.

She would criticise anything anybody does that is different than how she would have done it. She wanted to control me and often times resorted  to emotional intimidation to do it. She used verbal assaults and threats in order to get me to do what she wanted. It made her feel powerful and in the end I would feel bad.

No matter how hard I tried and how much I gave, it was never enough. She wanted more! One time I went out of my way to buy her a bag that cost me almost 100k and she didn’t accept it. She always expected me to drop whatever I was doing and attend to her needs. No matter the inconvenience, she must come first. She had an endless list of demands and there was no way I could fulfil all of them.

She was very good at name calling. One minute I was a pushover, the next minute I was spineless, sometimes I was not man enough. One incident I would never forget was when she told me ‘My friends from the past would be surprised that I am even dating a man like you’

We were always arguing, I used to celebrate 2 weeks of peace with her because every second was a potential havoc. These arguments were not small o, often heated and would end up with her throwing things. I am yet to replace my TV that she cracked from the argument that made us break up.

After a year of being with her, and making excuses I had to let her go. I couldn’t do it anymore. I was drained, I was messed up and I was scared of her.

Most men don’t want to admit that they’re in an abusive relationship. They describe the relationship and their girlfriend using other terms like crazy, emotional, controlling, bossy, domineering, constant conflict, or volatile. So my advice to any man out there, if you use words like this to describe your relationship, then most likely you are with an abusive woman and it is time for you to run.

Whoa! This is deep but I am glad someone opened up about this. If you are a guy and have been in an abusive relationship then please share your thoughts? 

Use the comment box below and let’s discuss.

If you want to reach out to me or share your own story on the blog, you can send an email to or follow SingleinGidi on Facebook, twitter and instagram 

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Mz Gidi

Writer | Poet | Thinker | Creator -|


  1. Bad behaviour is human, so yes, women can very capably be abusive. It’s easy to laugh at the idea of an abused male, but mehn, everyone deserves happiness.

    A good question to ask (for both guys and girls) is this:” Assuming the treatment I’m getting is baseline and it will never get better than this, can I live this way for the rest of my life?”

    If we’re honest, I believe a greater number would let go and try moving on.


  2. Dear Mz Gidi,
    My name is Valerie. I’ve been following your blog for a while now and like the dude I never commented. Ive been in abusive relationships as well and even grew up watching my dad hit mum to submission. Thing is mine was more like my men were scared hitting me will make other men to stay away. I’m pretty sociable and the nature of my job avails me to meet all kinds of men and this spooks my bfs.
    I have limited the way I socialise now for peace and normalcy to reign and I must say its worked. No more bruised lips, legs or swollen lips. Lol
    if I can get the contact of the brave guy who shared his story, I will be very delighted. I’m not Lagos based though. I’m in Port Harcourt. Hope it don’t count.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thanks so much for sharing Tunde our yoruba “angel”. You must possess a high level of patience. One Virtue I daily pray for. I can imagine the prayers you must have besseched heaven with hoping for a change. I am happy you are out after a year. I pray you find someone who will pamper you and take your hurts and mend your self esteem and treat you like the king you are. And for people in abusive relationships, I pray you get the courage to move on.


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