The article by Tunde on SIG last week on dating an abusive woman was quite enlightening and brave, but also put it in perspective that men like women can be abused in relationships, even though it is rarely talked about. Well done Tunde, hopefully you encourage more men to talk about their issues and perspective on issues on the “hard journey” to marriage. I say “hard” because relationship issues are both ways and everyone has his or her own baggage to deal with.
Speaking of relationship baggage, once I passed the 27 age bracket with a failed engagement and seeing my friends getting married every other month, I made up my mind never to waste any moment of my life worrying and strategizing on how to manage a man with lots of baggage. You know that phase in your life where you are desperately trying to impress a man but also trying so hard not to offend him by accepting his nonsense.
Remember my friend, Spice? the friend who I told you goes to her boyfriend’s house with her own pillow and bedsheet because she knows about his other women and isn’t worried because it not a particular woman, remember her? Yea her
Well Spice believes that a man will cheat even when he loves a woman as long as it is not a particular chick, it’s ok. Don’t ask me, me sef no understand that kain love but, yes babes really accept these behaviours from men in Lagos. As for Spice, this babe will make any excuse for the sorry ass she calls a man, the new one was one night he woke her up from sleep to talk, to say,
I think you should move one because I don’t think I can make you happy in a marriage. You see the men in my family are all impotent and being that you are now 34, you’d want a baby soon and I won’t be able to give you one.
No lie… super story material
First of all, if a man ever got to this point of having this sort of conversation then you know he has tried every trick possible and the babe has refused to get the hint. I mean, Spice has done mid-night prayers for the witches to leave him alone so they can marry, prayed against spiritual wives and strange women; I swear when she was telling me, I felt like I was watching a Yoruba movie.
The gist now is that last year Spice got pregnant.
Yes, she got pregnant to prove to her man that God can do anything but fail and that his fears of committing to her was nothing but just fear. At the back of her mind, it was meant to make everything better and they would be one happy family…jajajaja (I laugh in Spanish)
Since Spice got pregnant, her ‘boo’ started acting even worse. He rarely sees her these days, deleted her from his social media, put a girl’s picture as his DP and when she asked, he responded “how is that your business do I ask you the guys you put on your DP?” (meanwhile she has never put any guy, who born her?).
That’s how I went over to see her so I could help her, now that she is preggers and this babe had the audacity at night to say we should pray for the guy because someone told her the devil was trying to kill the guy by making them break up because she was his spiritual power. My people, no be movie plot, na real life story I dey narrate so! I didn’t know when I started cussing as in actually swearing, pray for him? na God go punish the guy!
The way I see it, it’s her fault because she was hoping to be his messiah. This guy has never hidden his own baggage, and she has just refused to believe his reality and was forcing him to commit to her. My uncle used to say his wife was never his choice that she packed her load, moved into his house, started having kids, forcing him to be a husband and a father; a choice he neither made nor was prepared for. A few decades later and it has now become a norm, babes like Spice forcing men into commitments and wondering why they won’t be faithful.
These days, listening to the baggage claim is a necessity. It can consist of anything, from a string of random women he claims won’t leave him alone, random Beckys and Edible Caterings, or just being a dead weight that is a burden to the other person. Girls and guys you have to do your homework and not overlook anything especially if you choose to spend the rest of your life with the ‘said person’. I am not saying that single people should be too picky and expect too much from the people we want to date, but, we have to be sure that whoever we like and are trying to date is willing to empty their baggage and create space for us in their lives.
It’s common sense to listen and pay great attention to where people are in their lives and know for sure that no matter how much a person likes you, you cannot override their reality, you can only make suggestions and leave the decision to them. Girls forcing men into commitment will make your life a perfect script for an award-winning Yoruba movie like my friend Spice.
Categories: the urban dater