I have finally come out of my writing hiatus, a lot has been happening in my life of recent; been to hell and back but God is still good.
Anyways, so the inspiration to hold my thought long enough to write something meaningful has been scarce, but a lot has been happening in my dating life oh, I won’t lie, very interesting stuff.
So I have seen it all, I went on one real date with this Italian dude who claimed to be single on Tinder. I enjoyed the date sha, he told me his horror stories of dating Lagos girls, from ones who stole from him after he took them home, in my mind I was like, this one doesn’t know I know he was “one-night-standing” a runs girl who did what runs girls do to Oyinbo stupid men.
My tinder date ghosted me because he travelled to Italy for a bit, I already saw a red flag (married). After 5 weeks in Italy, he magically appeared, I ghosted him too, lol! I sha deleted my Tinder because men there naturally assume women want to hookup.
Remember Mr October? In January, I excused myself from his “learned helplessness of my ex won’t leave me alone” bla-bla-bla. I was open and seeing other people and enjoying the single life the best I could, although I still really liked the guy. His friends and our mutual friends were reaching out to me to guilt trip me into contacting him because he was sad but didn’t know how to reach out to me. I refused. The way I saw it was, a man is a man and if he wants me in his life, he is going to have to show it by his actions.
Against better judgement, in May, my friend took me to have lunch in a place Mr. October owns, I ran into him and that’s how we reconnected. As usual, everything was happening so fast and I got a little carried away, few weeks in, I noticed something shifted, and me being who I am, I sha told the guy, “see this thing doesn’t have to work, but talk to me as opposed to speaking in your actions”. I am not going to lie, the reconnection made me see the guy differently, I started asking, is this my ideal man? Can I be with a man who runs a bar and is into all and sundry? He is not even as tall as I would normally prefer. LOL! Women and our wahala
But, like most of us women will do, I ignored all of those feelings and put myself in the same situation where something doesn’t quite work out but I give it another shot because “maybe it’ll be different this time!” It’s never different, yet I keep hitting that darn replay button, as if watching the same movie 18 times in a row is magically going to change the ending.
And I come back to the same logic and reasoning and recycling excuses throughout my mind because yes! Everyone deserves another chance! People change! Miracles happen! They really mean it this time!
The difference between the last time I excused myself and now was that, I wasn’t particularly attached to an outcome; I was more observing and detached.
Anyway, we reconnected just before my birthday, so he took me out, but I had two other dates on the same day and a few more days after, with different people. Yes women should date like that until we are in a committed relationship and the discussion about that relationship has been had to both parties understanding.
So I noticed that Mr. October, was becoming very distant, calling less, I asked and like most men would say “I am just really busy it’s nothing”. After like a week of no text, no call, and me too I stepped back and didn’t contact him, I finally sent him a text to ask to talk in person. He agreed, we scheduled a meet for 2pm on a Saturday.
The time came and went, no word from him, two hours later, I call like twice he didn’t pick, usually, he would have at least texted an excuse, nothing. By 7pm, I called continuously, still nothing.
At that point, I was convinced something was definitely up and I wanted to collect somethings I had with him and just walk away from his mess. I kept calling, he didn’t pick, because it was a rainy day, I was like this person is definitely at home so I was going to his house to get my stuff and cut the crap.
My people, that’s how I called Uber, got there and saw his car parked which meant he was definitely home. So I knocked, no answer, I was like maybe he didn’t drive, but then when I was going in, I had looked up and saw that a light was on in his living room, so I was a bit confused cause he never leaves the light on when he is not home.
I was going to leave when I remembered an advice from a male friend about sorting things out once and for all so I could have peace of mind and get closure to stop tolerating this fuck-boy resituate-ship.
My friends what happened next was like Nollywood movie starring Jim Iyke
While I was outside, a car pulled over and dropped off this runs-girl looking girl, I don’t know why my mind told me that girl is going to his house to see Mr October. So, I went back inside, and decided to call him one more time; this time he picked and was like, “why you calling so much, I am busy and will call you back once I leave my meeting”.
I felt crazy, like I may have been losing my senses and maybe he wasn’t really home. God bless the gateman because just when I was about to leave, he called me back and said “you are looking for Mr. October abi? he is around, I saw him, he has been home since like 2pm, I even helped him buy something like an hour ago, maybe you are not knocking well, let me go and knock with you”
That’s how the gateman knocked o and here comes Mr October with the girl I saw earlier coming out of his house, the girl passed, and bros wanted to pass me like he did not know who I was or did not see me. Of course I blocked him and confronted him.
We stood there, rambling, he got my things that he had apparently put in his car and told the girl to come back to the house.
That’s how Mr October told me to my face that it was a free world, we were not yet committed and he is free to do whatever he wanted because I only asked if he was in a relationship but I did not ask him if he was sleeping with anyone. As if that was not bad enough, he now claimed that the girl meant nothing to him, he is just sleeping with her. At that point I was wondering if the chic could hear him because the room door was open and there’s no way she wouldn’t have heard how this new-found Mr October referred to her.
As I was watching feem trick, I remained calm and he became even more aggressive and ended up trying that reverse psychology nonsense where “the offender becoming the offended”
So my people, that was the end of Mr October o, Imarose’s eyes have cleared. In short, I thanked him for talking to me and left. When a man is not right within himself, sooner or later cracks begin to show in the façade he puts up to impress you and the time for Mr October was definitely up.
Ladies, abeg don’t ever ignore the signs, a relationship should progressively get better not worse, if things are declining, it’s usually a sign that something is wrong.
Categories: the urban dater