From my zodiac descriptions and personality tests alone, many would label me as a “perfectionist.”
Yes, I am a self-confessed magnifier of details but a perfectionist? NO!. My attitude of giving full attention to the slightest detail has raised a lot of eyebrows. I have already tried to reflect on this fact, why am I like this? It is because I have standards.
People would often tell me that my standards are so high in all things. Mr October, described me as cold-hearted and lacking of emotions, because I didn’t act like someone who was upset and so, it meant I didn’t like him. The way I see it is, only small boys want a woman to scream and cry before they can take her seriously.
He said, I would just face disappointment after disappointment if I continue to be this calm and unable to really express how I feel as opposed to sending mixed signals that read “I don’t give a fuck”.
Yes, I have standards but I don’t think they are high, I think it’s more of trying too hard not to depend on people so that they don’t take advantage of my weaknesses and vulnerabilities. But sometimes, I care more than I like to come across and I won’t deny it. However, allow me to put a different pair of glasses on you for a while to give you a different light of this generally perceived weakness and how it turned out to be, in one way or another, a positive thing for me in dating.
Like you, I also believe in the clichéd saying that nobody is perfect. Definitely, nobody can achieve perfection which we believe is flawless, unblemished and without defect. If this perfect state is ever true then the world would have been perfect a long relationship involves sacrificing yourself, suppressing the things that bother you just to keep peace. Like “Mrs Gidi” tells me all the time, a man who wants to be with you will be okay with listening and accepting your feelings of displeasure as yours even if he doesn’t necessarily agree with it or is still proving right.
However, most of us who believe in the impossibility of achieving perfection are often dragged unconsciously to the point of having no standards and eventually to the dark pits of mediocrity. A lot of people get confused with the thin line which separates accepting that humans are imperfect and settling for the average; more often than not, people fall on the latter. What most of us fail to realize is that the two are entirely different, that accepting your weaknesses is never the same as condoning ill-treatment from a man just to have a man in your life?
Most of us fail to set standards within ourselves and also for other people we interact with which is why we often wonder why we don’t get to where we want to be, we don’t get what we deserve or we don’t get treated right. I have read in the book, “The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari” that the only limits in our lives are the ones we set ourselves.
We are so afraid to set standards because we think that we might end up getting disappointed if we fail to reach the bar (or if other people fail to reach the bar we set) but most of the time because we are afraid that the man will leave.
Recently, I told this guy I was getting to know that I was celibate, he said “don’t worry you won’t scare me and I break your boundaries”. He asked why I was and I told him, he took it like a man. That made me respect the guy a lot.
Don’t you think that it is better to set standards and fail than have no standards at all and accept anything? You must know what you want and stick to it no matter what.
Recently, a friend of mine told me a story about her unemployed insecure boyfriend who treats her like crap, just the usual crap insecure men project unto women they are with, but what made me worried was the excuses she kept making for him. I was worried.
I wish a nigga would tell me that I should lose weight, like were you blind when you saw me and started dating me? See, I believe in becoming better in the relationship, but there is a difference between pushing me to be better and making me feel like I am not good enough to love. A guy I went on a random date recently told me, I would have been perfect if only I was taller and had bigger boobs, I stood and excused myself from the date oh.
As in, I sat there placed the order for my favourite things to eat at The George hotel, the order took so long to come, but, I acted like I wasn’t offended by the comment, finished eating the sautéed shrimps and when he went to use the bathroom, I was gone. He kept calling and I haven’t picked till today. I didn’t even bother blocking him, sometimes; it’s good for a woman to do that to a foolish man-child.
So you think I’m a perfectionist? I guess I’m just a hater of mediocrity and a believer that we all deserve nothing but the best in all aspects of our lives.
Categories: the urban dater