I have Yoruba demons repellent, but now I have to learn from my male friends characteristics of a Nigerian fuckboy. Yoruba demons are more obvious and easier to spot but the fuck-boys require some sort of degree to know as they can come off as fuck boy is a trade-off between “edible catering-ship”.
I meet this guy on Tinder, even though we haven’t meet we have actually become really good friends. He is kind of like my gay-best friend. I call him on perspectives on guys I am talking to and he does same on women. My Tinder bestie made me delete my account after I complained to him one guy sent me his address as a first conversation.
My Tinder bestie was like “your dream guy exists; chances are he’s not on Tinder. To most of us guys, using the microwave dating app, Tinder is nothing more than a means of achieving a casual sexual encounter. You as a woman might be perusing Tinder for love, but we as men are looking for pure, unadulterated, no strings attached sex. Don’t believe me? Well, you really needn’t look further sites that have funny Tinder conversation. But, if that doesn’t do it for you, I am here as a former (recovering) male Tinder user/repentant Yoruba-demon to educate you on how to determine whether your matches are only interested in hooking up”.
He was like “before we go any further, I’ll address the elephant in the room: why would a repentant player like me share these secrets with you especially knowing that it might end up somewhere on SIG post? The answer is simple, I peaked. I’ve had every type of sexual encounter I could ever want and I’m now a wealthy man in terms of sexual experience. As many wealthy men are known to do, I want to make a charitable donation. The only difference is, my donation is not monetary and it will help you reduce the chances of getting heartbroken”
Okay, so let’s established that I am in no way becoming a bitter Nigerian woman, I am just trying to be smart and cultivate some single woman survival skills in this concrete jungle.
Since I am nice and unashamed of my owning my truths and experiences, here are the five tips;
- The Conversation Quickly Turns Sexual
According to my Tinder bestie, a guy who is not trying to know you in a deep way is all surface and hits you up whenever he sees your new yoga pose on social media or on your DP to tell you how hot you look. He said “one of my favourite techniques while I was still using Tinder was to start off the conversation with you look hot. As utterly simplistic and ridiculously forward as it was– it got me laid on two separate occasions”.
- Only Messages You At Night
Unless works night shift at a medical emergency hospital and only gets to sleep during the day or he works at the VIP cemetery in Ikoyi to ensure that armed robbers are not digging up dead bodies to steal from the dead and cannot afford to call during the day. If not really, why else will a man who is really interested in a woman not call and txt her during the day. Even Dangote will call and text who he wants text. No darlings, nobody is ever that busy. If they get to use the toilet, eat during the day and you only hear from them after 7pm, he is a fuckboy.
According to my friend, one of my tried and tested techniques was to send a message to all of his matches on Friday and Saturday nights. Why? Because there was a good chance I would encounter at least one match who was on her way home from the bars lonely and horny.
- Jump The Process Without Knowing You Well
We can all agree that Tinder is not the best platform for getting to know someone, but this happens offline as well. You meet a man, he doesn’t make any effort to know little key things about you like, where you are from, how many you are in your family, etc but jumps straight to calling you babe, sweetie or pet names, he is trying to score and thinks by jumping the gun, he will score. Most of the time, too much too soon is never a good idea.
- He’s Got More Social Media Following Than China People On Aliexpress
Unless he is a blogger or a Nigerian politician and people need to keep tabs of his every move, if his Facebook, IG and Twitter is filled with a following of social media honeys and naked girls, that’s your sign from God. According to my friend, what will a serious man be doing with over five thousand Facebook friends and majority are scantily dressed female. Ladies, unless he makes money from social media, a relationship ready man doesn’t have time to that.
- He’s On Tinder
So my friend made me delete my Tinder account on the basis that serious men are not on tinder. He said he always found it amusing when he came across a profile on Tinder with something like “not looking for hook-ups!” or “not into one night stands!” I would think to myself, do they realize they’re on Tinder?
The truth of the matter is that, Tinder became popular as a casual sex app, and if you’re looking for something beyond that, you’re probably better off making a profile on another online dating site and going that route. At the end of the day, the men on Tinder are, by and large, just looking to get lucky.
But ladies, you have to know when to give second chances and when to shut the door and just move on. Now that Tiwa Savage is rumoured to be back with her husband, don’t go and say it’s me that said, edible-catering people cannot repent oh, use your brain.
So what should you take away from this educative session of mine, if it looks like a player, talks like a player, has edible catering written all over it, but occasionally makes you believe it is a real man instead, believe the majority, it is what it is what it is, a player!
Categories: the urban dater