Being a single woman in Lasgidi, I’ve had to learn a few things about what it takes to build a good dating life. I’ve faced both ends of the dating spectrum. I’ve had “busy” periods where I’ve been on several dates with new people regularly, and periods that nothing dey happen.
I have woken up some Saturday mornings wondering if I am the only woman in Lagos who is not waking up to cute messages in the morning?!
Sometimes my dating life is quiet, it is almost like a barren land because I purposely decide to keep my head down (in the non-dating related sense) to focus on areas of my life requiring urgent attention. At other times, when my life is more balanced, I put more effort into being “single and looking” and my dating life gets rolling again after a couple of weeks.
But what does it mean to be a single woman who is ‘actively dating’ in this crazy city that is so crowded yet full of single people who can’t find quality men and women to date?
Recently I was talking to a guy I met on tinder (yes that app again) who is now like my bestie, funny thing about my new bestie is that we are yet to meet in person because he is very busy and travels a lot for work. So, I was telling him about my dating dry spell and he decided to break down a few things that he felt I was doing wrong about dating. Like myself, I believe a lot of single people in Lagos are dating wrong that prolongs dating dry spells. So, today I am going to summarize his perspective on this.
- Going On To All Social Events in Lagos Doesn’t Translate To Finding Love
Quantity is not everything. Typically, in Lagos its very easy to get sucked into this mindset that the more social events you attend, the greater chances you stand in meeting a potential bae, but how many of these people actually form meaningful relationships with these moves?
I have single friends who are in the “dating binge” mindset, somehow they believe the more social events they hop, in the case of Lagos it’s wedding hopping every Saturday, the more chances they stand in meeting Mr. Right.
The result? Typically, after spending the entire Saturday wedding hopping scouting for potential baes and making short connections with each of them, it always ends with them going home alone, wondering why they wasted their whole Saturday attending weddings they didn’t even know the couple just because they wanted to meet men? Seriously, I once attended a wedding at civic centre and saw these girls who were changing outfits in the ladies. I told Mrs Gidi and she was like yeah, those are wedding hoppers, they always keep asoebi for each wedding in the car, cause you know in Lagos, no asoebi, no small chops for wedding these days, lol!
The way I see it, I’d rather register in premium online dating sites if only Nigeria had this than spend time moving around in Lagos social cycle with false hope of meeting the one.
- Finding Love Is A Numbers Game
There is a classic advice all these YouTube love gurus who are not even in relationships are giving other single people; get out more. But often times, people make this mean that you must go out of your way to meet your potential bae. Don’t get me wrong oh, you need to put yourself out there, but a little more strategy is required. Ultimately, it comes down to two factors;
Going to places rich with NEW people: while it’s tempting to go over to your friend’s house warming party or games night with four other friends within the same circle, some of which you have already friend zoned, it is important to note that you’re only going to be stuck in the same circle and will find it hard to meet new people. And when you do meet new people at these events, you’ll probably one of the many other single people trying to score.
Also try going to new events alone, as scary as it seems, it’s actually effective. Yes I know YouTube gurus say, a man who deserves you should have the balls to approach you, but according to my new bestie, nothing is more intimidating to a guy that trying to chat up a girl in wolves packs.
Taking a few strategic risks when you go out: my bestie said another mistake single girls make asides not going out is going out with a pack of friends and remaining stuck to them as if the aim wasn’t to meet new people. What is the point of going out if you are just going to sit there and gist with your group of friends? Being pro-active helps, trust me.
Last year while I was travelling, I got to the lounge and needed a charger as I had mistakenly checked in my charger, I had so many girls around me, but I walked straight to this guy with a huge smile on my face and that’s how we meet. I know your ears itching to hear this gist but all I can say is, he is now a major candidate and I am reviewing his application!.
The other day, Mrs Gidi was like this ImaRose is heartless sha, she didn’t even take a moment to mourn October, and I was like I don’t even remember October, seriously, I jumped ship mbok, I am 30, I have no time to be crying over a man when there is another waiting for a chance.
Which brings me to point number three!
- You Need Single Friends
And not just any single friend. You need friends who want to go out more and actively bring you into new environments. The more you get exposed to other people’s social circles, the more likely you are to be introduced to someone amazing through a friend of a friend (which is still an incredibly common way to meet people).
Ultimately, yes, if you sit back and wait it’s perfectly possible that your coupled-up chums will introduce you to a lovely friend/cousin/colleague that they can hook you up with. But who wants to wait for that? Who wants their dating life restricted to waiting for things to be delivered and forfeiting their choice over the partners they meet?
Not me. Not you.
When you wait, you end up forced to go back to your crazy ex just because all your friends are getting married and you are tired of waiting. Find friends who will cheer you on and help strategize with you about how to get the attention of that cute guy in your Truppr running group.
So that’s it, dating tips from my tinder bestie. Do you agree or disagree?
Categories: the urban dater