DEALING WITH THE EX’S FAMILY

You’ve broken up with your ex for reasons best known to you, made the decision to cut him/her off and move on with life but you find it hard breaking up with his/her family because somehow you get along better with them than you do with your ex. Unfortunately, being friends with them constantly reminds you of the ex and how hurt you were in the relationship; the family did you no wrong personally, actually they’ve been the sweetest people to you, you just happened to date the ass in the family. Now the question is

What do you do with the family of your ex? 

when-your-ex-pop-up-at-dinner-because-your-family-still-like-them

This question I have asked and have been asked a couple of times, because sometimes you want to cut off from the ex but you can’t bring yourself to cut off from his/her family or maybe a particular person in the family. And each time I ask this question, I always get one of the following responses/questions:

  • How did you meet them? – Basically did you meet the family of the ex through your ex or did you meet your ex through a family member of the ex? So is his sister one of your best friends? Or is his brother your gym partner? The point is how you met them ‘supposedly’ affects your decision on if you should remain friends or not. Consensus says, if you met the family through your ex, then you should cool off from the friendship but if you met your ex through his/her family then maybe it would be slightly difficult to cool off.. (right?).. It is usually harder to make that decision if you date and break up with your close friend’s sibling….(which I personally do not agree to..but hey that’s just me)
  • Do they talk about the ex with you? – Granted maybe they do not talk about your ex but you know somehow that topic would come out one way or the other. And how do you handle the topic when faced by it? Are you quickly reminded about the relationship that was or do you brush it off? (so many questions to answer)
  • What do you stand to gain by being friends with them? – Now this is the ‘trick’ question and it is usually followed by ‘If it wasn’t for your ex, would you consider even being friends with them?’ …Let’s face it, if his/her family has good contacts that you would need now or in future, I don’t think cutting them off would be an option…maybe not immediately.

Notice I have not answered any of the questions because I don’t think there is an answer to any of them. It’s different for everyone and it really depends on how you ‘feel’. I liken being friends with the ex’s family to being friends with the ex, it’s something that can be done but only when you are ready for it.

There’s no point trying to stay friends with his/her siblings and/or parents when each time you speak to them, you find it hard not mentioning the relationship you had and possibly the pain you may have felt or may still be feeling. I mean what’s the point having unnecessary heartaches and pangs of jealousy or anger when you could be left alone to move on in peace.
My verdict is, there’s no need holding on to the friendship until you have moved on, like when you hear his/her name and your heart doesn’t skip a beat. It’s best to let your heart heal and not re-open the wounds.
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