I am tired of apologizing for my writing inconsistency, but my people, pardon, mbok! You won’t understand if I tried to explain why in the most logical way, but hey, I’m back again!
It’s that time of the year again when everyone is getting married and boo-ed up and single women are getting paranoid about another valentine approaching without a bae, Jehovah God do it for all the single ladies, ni oru-ko jesu-ami!
For some weird reason, boo-ed folks seem to be more interested in their single friends’ dating lives than concentrating on their relationships and marriages. With their “interest” in your love life also comes the most annoying and predictable comments, such as “Any man will be lucky to have you; I don’t understand why you’re still single.”
And that, of course, leaves you thinking, “Well, THANKS. If I understood why I was still single, we wouldn’t be having this talk.”
First things first: There is NOTHING wrong with being single, so don’t let your agony-aunty friend make you feel like you have spiritual problems.
Secondly, when someone asks you a dumb or rhetorical question about your love life, it’s absolutely okay to make them regret (a little) even asking. Let’s go through a few scenarios when being using “lovingly sarcastic” could put a stop to the endless pestering.
- “It’ll happen when you least expect it.”
Well… not really. Let’s put it this way: You’re just as likely to meet your perfect man during a super-market run on as you are in “the gym these days” Joining the posh gym on the Island is not when you least expect it, it’s called packing and strategy-bae-watch/catch positioning. Kindly let them know that you’re going to continue living your life as you were and look forward tomeetingthe right person in being the right person.
- “Don’t you ever get lonely?”(The answer is yes.)
We all get lonely, but I’d take lonely over miserable in a relationship any day. And you can reply with, “Of course! Why do you think I’m hanging out with you?” And take it from us: being alone is WAY better than being miserable lying next to a man each night who you lied his way to your bed but you can’t leave him now because “hey you are married to him and God hates divorce” even though you are dying inside and or he doesn’t love you or no longer meets your needs.
- “Aren’t you worried you won’t be able to have kids?”
If celebrities well into their 40s are still having babies, then there’s a pretty good chance you can as well. So I heard this unintelligent woman on radio who was saying women should be done having kids by 35 otherwise they chances dropped and I was like what nonsense. The eggs start reducing at 38/39 and some women are still producing lots of eggs well into their 45s. Tell your overbearing friend that they’re your lady parts, and you get to pick the place and time to bear a child. I want to have kids, two actually but I also know I am better off waiting till the time is right.
- “You should try Tinder dating.”
When your friend perks up and excitedly reminds you that there’s this new app called Tinder you can kindly tell her to buzz off. Tell her ImaRose said Tinder is a hookup site that benefits prostitute and Yahoo-boys who are looking for women to scam. But then again my friend told me about this oyinbo who works as a consultant in their company that met this girl on Tinder five months ago he is totally in love with and wants to marry next year. You never know sha, must its 99% meat-market.
- “There are plenty of fish in the sea.”
Sure there are! However, it’ll take about 10 bad dates to have one that you would consider for date number two. More fish doesn’t always equal a better chance especially in this Lagos; the sea is filled with dead-rotten fishes. I actually told someone this and she got very upset.
- “You’re just too picky.”
There’s a difference between knowing what you want in a person and being nit-picky because you’re trying to find something wrong with someone. (On the other hand, if the potential your friend is saying you are too picky about doesn’t have a job, still lives with his parent and can’t even take care of himself and your friends say you should manage him because he has potentials, ask your friends if they can marry potential and if their answer is yes, tell them, “MY CASE IS DIFFERENT”
- “You should let me set you up… ”
Some friends are just wicked, they know a guy is bad and they wont even consider them but want to hook you up so that they can still look like their own better pass your own, and then you can swap sad-cheating/useless man stories together. Listen: Unless you’re hand-delivering me a dark-chocolate man who has a real job and can afford to take me to Monaco next year, let’s save that set up for your niece. That’s how this girl whose husband is a serial cheat, dare to tell me long-distance relationship doesn’t work, that she should introduce me to her husband’s friend so that I am not putting my eggs in one basket. My people dude, was into “oil and gas” and freelancing. And me I was like “is it Mobil, Chevron, Shell, what do you do for them”, dude was like “no I work for myself supplying diesel to all this big companies and “stuff”, in my mind I was like dollar has fallen oil and I have no time for all this bogus talks”.
And that’s it folks, what we single women do not want to hear this 2017…let’s leave it in 2016.