I recently had a hilarious conversation with my older brother around online dating which made its way to my Instagram story. Trust my Oga to sniff out content, she swiftly informed me that a post could be made from said conversation. So here I am writing about my experience with online dating. I met Mr B on Facebook, Mr E and I on Twitter and a few other men via social media platforms so maybe I’m an online dating veteran. Disclaimer: I do not have a hoard of men sliding in my DMs and I’m perplexed that a few people think I do. Biko erase this thought and don’t be intimidated to slide in my DM. Okay now that’s out of the way, let’s get this started!
Online dating : The practice of searching for a romantic or sexual partner on the Internet, typically via a dedicated website.
As a hip and savvy person, I had to find some definitions from the “wonderful” Urban Dictionary. So let me amuse you with a few definitions.
“A place where only desperate and/or ugly people go to meet. You may find yourself thinking “I can’t believe i’m actually resorting to this”
“Online Dating is where you call, text or email the person which is your online gf/bf and send pictures and talk on the phone and meet each-other in real life.”
Now that we have the definitions out of the way, let’s get back to my experience with this wonderful concept. My entry into this world was due to boredom, I must also confess that it was largely influenced by my “maybe I can date an oyibo” phase. I wasn’t looking for anything serious and I didn’t really think anyone would swipe or send me a message. So I signed up to match.com and Tinder, created my profiles, did a few thumb exercises and went to work!
One beautiful day, while I was superficially swiping right and left, bam! I found the teaching assistant that handled my social media marketing module. I was like Chineke me! Chai!! I promptly deactivated my account, deleted the app and tried to erase the image of my lecturer telling the internet that he was an easygoing and adventurous guy looking for a fun partner.
Please don’t judge me, I know Mr Lecturer too needs love and the PhD life can be a lonely one but seeing him on Tinder jerked me back to reality. Timiebi you are not cut out for online dating except you’re looking to knack.
I believe Imarose has talked about this online dating and knacking phenomenon
Then I tried match.com, it was alright and would’ve been a better experience if I wasn’t a tightfisted pseudo Ijebu woman, £30 per month to talk to person for internet, hian! I will use that money to buy confident boosting items and hit the streets. Back to the gist, I had some weird and awkward conversations and one lovely one that upgraded to the whatsapp stage before it all fizzled out. He was a nice British man who loved the simple life and was looking for a partner to share life’s journey or something along those sappy lines.
Fast forward to 2016, I was having a conversation with my friend about his Tinder struggles, so I downloaded the app again and got a match within 24hours, my peng-o-metre was off the chats! Of course I had to screenshot it and send to him! Dude hadn’t gotten any positive swipes and I was thrilled to add to his annoyance. Yes, I’m petty and I know it!.(please read this line in LMFAO’s voice)
The irony here is that about 90% of the people I call friends now, I met online. One would think I would embrace online dating abi? Maybe I will try again but for now, I am happy to make weird and awkward facial expressions at boys and see where that leads. #TeamAwkwardDatersUnite
Online dating in Nigeria is a scary concept for me, I have seen a few sponsored Instagram posts about a Nigerian online dating site, I clicked on the profile and all I saw were copied photos of couples and weak captions asking people to join their site.
I think about online dating in Nigeria and all I can imagine is the Yoruba demon association holding weekly meetings to strategise and implement their goals, visions and target. Father Lord be a defence around my heart! The average Nigerian is perfect at packaging and online dating is a place where falsehood sometimes reigns supreme, so I’m sure you understand why I’m skeptical about trying online dating.
If you don’t get anything from this post, please erase this fallacy that “a woman talking to man on the internet must be sizing him up for the kill” (kill here being dragging him to the altar) and dear brother of mine, musing about a man’s age aloud doesn’t mean I’m “looking” for men on the internet!