Ladies, when a man breaks up with you, most of the time, he expects you to cry and beg with constant calls and texts, but doesn’t enjoy it.
Have you ever considered what would happen if you only composed yourself better and tell him off? Completely starving him of any attention for at least three weeks while showcasing a happier exterior?
I am slowly turning into the dating coach who is not married. So, my friend who is abroad texted her issues with a man who loves her dearly but because they have been going through a rough patch, he decided to break up with her.
She was obviously devastated, crying for hours on the phone and for a moment there, I was so certain that the guy was probably struggling to cope with her frequent meltdowns.
The thing is, my friend has some personal issues and sort of poured all of it on her man. He had to punk out like most guys in an emotionally stressed position would.
Her case made me realise that a man can love a woman dearly and still walk away from her because, he doesn’t feel he can comfort her in pain or give her what she wants.
So I asked her, “do you want him back?” She replied without hesitation “I’d give anything to get my man back”. Not that I was sure that my plan was going to work, but it did anyway.
In all honesty, I am usually very hesitant with these kinds of matters.
This is because people who tend to get back together, do so for the wrong reasons without addressing the real underlying issues.
I’ve seen ex-back scenarios unfold in a many different ways—some that went on to end an even more massive heartbreak and others that ended with a trip down the aisle.
It is definitely possible to get your ex back and make the relationship last, but it doesn’t just happen because you want it to. There are important things to consider and a bit of work to be done. Missing each other isn’t enough. Loving each other isn’t enough. Relationships take more than that to survive.
I mean look at Tiwa Savage and her husband. Although I didn’t like the fact that Tiwa went on that whole rampage and washed her dirty laundry in public, I believe sometimes, things need to fall apart completely to fall back together.
So here is what I told my friend, with all sense of seriousness, “if you are serious about wanting your man back, you are going to have to do every single thing I tell you to without skipping any”. She agreed.
I actually had only one thing to ask of her, which was; do not contact him at all. This also meant even if he contacted her, she wasn’t permitted to respond. If he asked to be friends, she was to tell him to give her more time to recover.
Most times guys want to break up with women and still leave the door open for friends-with-benefit situations. Say no!
I’m not such a fan of giving “rules” but this is one you must abide by after a breakup. Especially if he broke the relationship.
Look, I know it’s tempting to reach out. Maybe you need more closure or maybe you saw something funny that reminded you of him, still don’t. Let it go. Let him go through his process and you go through yours.
If there is a chance for it to work and there is unfinished business, he’ll realize this and here is what the post-breakup process will probably be like for him if there are still chances:
He’ll feel lonely…
He’ll start to miss you …
He’ll get nostalgic and reflect on all the good times and all the things he liked about you …
He’ll start to have regrets …
He’ll start to doubt his decision …
He’ll start to wonder if he made a huge mistake by letting you go …
He’ll no longer be able to fight the overwhelming urge to reach out and see how you’re doing …
And finally, he’ll initiate contact.
I told her, the guy isn’t heartless as we women like to believe after a breakup. But rather, he may not be able to handle what is happening and because men don’t process issues like women by talking and trying to solve the problem, pushing him may frustrate him into wanting out.
The no contact rule is a chance for him to process the whole situation by himself and decide for himself what he really wants.
Men are inherently repelled by women who infringe upon their personal space, and if you keep reaching out after the break up, that’s exactly what you’d be doing.
He needs to feel your absence. The only way he will is if you are indeed absent.
If you are afraid that he may forget about you then he probably didn’t love you like you believed. Making the breakup even more necessary at this point.
The no contact rule should typically last for at least three weeks. After which when he reaches out, respond to him on the most friendliest term you can and do not act bitter at all.
My friend played this game with her man and after 3 weeks he was losing his damn mind, begging her to at least respond to his text and say anything.
After a week of just texting they finally agreed to meet up for dinner, where he thanked her for giving him the space to think things through and then; he pulled out a ring!
Ladies, if are you still talking to your ex with the hope that one day he will realise how nice you are and get back into the relationship. My darling you have been friend-zoned or he is simply getting emotional support for free and probably free sex too.
The best way to get back your ex is to cut all communication with him but leave him on your social media to stalk you while you live your best life.
Categories: the urban dater