“I want to take you on a proper date” he said.

This is the first part in a series about Mr E and how I was introduced to the legend that is a Lagos fuckboy. Pardon my French but he labelled himself that when I called him out on his actions, let me not get ahead of myself yet..

Lagos fuckboy: Talks a big game but cannot follow through, usually charming and charismatic and will sweep you off your feet with grandiose ideas but never actions- quirky single

Let me give you the backstory; Mr E was someone I was talking to before I moved back to Nigeria and I was really looking forward to seeing him as we had been friends for almost 7 years but never met. I was open to the idea of seeing where things went as I had never met a man as open and free with his emotions. Dude had me all the way up in my feels, I was stunned most times when we talked and he spoke about his feelings and the idea of an “us”.

You no go too blame me, I had a history of men who found it hard to talk about feelings and emotions and all that love talk, I remember being afraid to have serious relationship talk because I didn’t want to rock the boat etc. Now, I’m thankful for the boldness I have received re relationship matters, the fact that I was able to look into what was going on in my head, question it, be vulnerable, voice out my feelings, attractions and fears to Mr E was so refreshing, here was a man not ashamed to bare it all as well, so of course it was all doing me gishgish!

Now you get the picture, let’s get back to the story.

I saw him the day I moved back, he met me at the airport, my flight landed earlier than expected and I had to wait a while before he showed up, God bless that taxi man who gave me his phone to make a call, even though baba still collected like 1k for his “Good Samaritan” deed.

Seeing/being around Mr E  wasn’t as awkward as I imagined, maybe it was because I was stunned by the fact that my precious baby boy was wearing baggy jeans, I mean “crotch area almost at the knees” type of baggy jeans, Mase & Puff Daddy in “Been around the world” remix video type of baggy jeans! I was jet lagged and not in the mood to even properly acknowledge what my eyes were seeing so I just locked up.

Remember I said I had to wait a while for him right? I had asked taxi man how much it would cost to get home from the airport, he said 4000 naira, in my “abroad money calculation brain” it seemed like a good bargain and the man was nice so I said “I don hear but wait make my friend come, you go tell am the real price.”

He finally arrives and I told him about the 4K and baby boy tells me to my face that I was being a JJC and airport to Alausa shouldn’t be 4K, said he saw another cab for a cheaper price blablabla. Here I was tired, feet swollen from a traumatic flight, 4 massive suitcases and Mr man was concerned about the price of a taxi ride?

“My inner warning bells should’ve gone off then abi?”

Let me point out here that I wasn’t expecting him to pay for my taxi as I had enough naira with me to cover the taxi ride but haggling with the taxi man over the price was just one kain for me. Baby boy pity me na make we just dey go!  

I left him with the taxi man as I was tired, they finally agreed on a price and so we trudged along behind taxi man’s person all headed to the car park; me, my suitcase and Mr E. Got to the park and Mr E was right and the taxi was mgbeke looking but I wasn’t ready to listen to him tell me about how I was being swindled by taxi man so we got in.

We finally arrive at my friend’s place, I was so knackered that I slept off whilst gisting with him and my friend in the living room, he was patient and didn’t mind my using his thigh as my pillow and didn’t seem to care that much about my snoring!

Chai I never imagined a day would come that I would be a loud snorer, I used to hate that  Mr A and Mr B snored, I even went as far as reading some psychology paper about dealing with snoring partners! Who would’ve thought!!

Back to the story, I finally woke up, showered and had to walk him to the estate gate, the new Quirky Single could not hold it in as I had promised myself I would always talk about how I felt no matter how trivial, so as we walked, I jejely informed him not wear this baggy thing to see me next time, he was a good sport and laughed. I told him I was serious and was already plotting how to gain access to his wardrobe and burn any baggy-like thing I see.

I felt so much better saying it out loud and applauded my courage for even mentioning it, see me being all grown up and deliberate about what I want, somebody shout goals! We hugged and said our goodbyes and I walked away feeling very light and wondering why a 29-year-old man in 2016 owned more than one super-duper baggy jeans…. 

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I love Jesus, family, minions, music, love, Arsenal(sometimes), laughter and boys....

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