“I want to take you on a proper date” he said
He wanted to take me out on a proper date, I was wondering what was doing this one as we had known each other for years and I didn’t think that was necessary but hey open minded quirky single had to go with the flow.
Remember I said dating in Lagos is hustle abi? Finding husband in Lagos can be likened to Liam Neeson in Taken; it’s a calculated hunt at doing any and everything to achieve the goal but I digress.. One of my random and odd conversations with Mr E involved him giving me tips to help my search and he mentioned a wedding, don’t worry you’ll understand this wedding bit in a couple of paragraphs.
I’m someone who likes to plan or have an idea of what is going to happen so I can mentally prepare for it, I asked him to give details and time so I could mentally prepare, he begrudgingly obliged and we fixed a time for the supposedly proper date so I mentally planned my day; it was a Saturday.
“BuzzBuzz” my phone vibrates mid-morning on Saturday, it’s Mr E and he says “can you get ready for the wedding, I’m on my way?” Aha what is this Mr man talking about? I quickly dial his number and ask, then he says “ I told you yesterday there was a wedding if you’re game” I scroll back to our conversation and I see he mentioned it but didn’t explicitly state that it was for the next day. This was when we talked about the catching husband tips so I didn’t think he was talking about the next day, who just throws that in a convo and then expects one to decode the date.
I just kukuma mellow, make this man come tell me face to face when we agreed we were going for a wedding, so I balance for backyard and was washed my clothes which I had mentally prepared to do the day before, sebi he’s said I’m not spontaneous enough, meeting me washing clothes instead of getting ready for this wedding is in the league of spontaneous behaviour!
He arrives and was directed to meet me at the back, oh I wish I could capture the look on his face! Baba was perplexed. I calmly informed him that we didn’t agree to a wedding and even if I wanted to go, I didn’t have anything to wear, this was me fresh from the abroad with a very informed knowledge of how naija weddings work, of course I wasn’t prepared to;
- Go to one uninvited.
- Go to one without prior notice.
- Go without appropriate time for outfit selection! Do you think all those #AsoebiBellas just happen by chance? You must be prepared!!
Sidebar: his reason for changing time and plans was because he felt we could chill at the wedding and then go for our date as both places were on the island…
Back to the story; he then goes on to say “Oya come and say hello to my friends outside” Hian! Biko which friends? I looked like an mgbeke and this one said I should come say hello to people he didn’t mention were with him when he initially called o! See ehn I have issues and things like that affect me, I know, I know I’m working on it. I succumbed and went outside, Jisos! come and see three Yoruba demons, er okay they were just dressed in the uniform(standard agbada and white native) I cannot categorically state that they were actually #YorubaDemons!
One of them then asks why I wasn’t ready, I said I wasn’t informed and Mr E jumps to say “ah I told her o!” In my head I was like you cannot even defend me small in the presence of these three strange men I’ve never met in my life, you just jabo and say “hi guys, meet the girl I want to be with oh and by the way she’s a liar”
I was stunned for a bit and said “Mr E you actually didn’t tell me” trying to give Bobo a chance to engage small brain cells and rearrange himself but he refused or was blind to the hint and went on insisting that he did. I am not even going to talk about my semi-anger at Mr E, how do you think your first long stretch of time with your semi-bae should be spent with your friends? Me I was just there looking like Vico’s guardian angel when he sings(if you didn’t get that comparison, the feeling is perplextion mixed with a hint of confusion and a dash of “lookatew”!)
Sidebar: Guys please do better, there is a time for meeting friends and all that jazz, don’t be too quick to do that, spend time with your intended before adding “meet my friends” to the dating matrix.
Back to our gist; his friend then asks that I get ready and leave with them, at this point the spirit of stubbornness from my village was working overtime and I calmly mentioned that I didn’t think I was going to go and even if I wanted to, I didn’t have anything to wear as my clothes were still chilling in my suitcases. Mr E then adds to my burgeoning anger by saying “you’re not the bride, you can wear anything!” Mogbe ooo!! A whole me, this kain talk!!
Spirit of BellaNaija and Asoebi Bella, come to my rescue now!!!
At this point I knew I wouldn’t go anywhere with this man and his gang, I calmly said my goodbyes to his friends and leave, he walks with me back inside the house and says go get ready we’ll wait. I jejely informed him to send the address for the date and when he was done with the wedding I would meet up with him. He said okay and left.
I went back to finish washing my clothes and wondered who I offended in my village to be stuck with this kain drama.