Let me introduce you to Mr F; the first man I actively informed that I liked and wanted to date. Can I hear someone shouting Feminism goals? Hehehehe Mr F is “the one who had to go away”, this is my twist on the normal saying “the one who got away”. You know those relationships you know won’t work but you are both good together and you’re there willing the universe to align and make this happen? You don’t? Er okay then.
Well that’s what Mr F and I had, we were friends and it was cool and one day I looked at him and my heart just stopped, I was like fam I’m done for! I remember sending a photo of us to a mutual friend and that one was there saying “you guys look so good together” and I flipped on him so bad he was shocked. I should’ve known from there that feelings dey creep in abi? But I was there forming we are just friends abeg.
We didn’t even or rather I didn’t even imagine that I would ever date him or have anything to do with him but being liberated and all, I told him how I felt when I realised I couldn’t hide the hidden feelings bubbling inside of me and it all started from there. I knew he wasn’t ready for a relationship and I thought I was fine with it but alas I ended up wanting more.
Side note: Ensure you are true to yourself and never lengthen a relationship more than it should be, no matter how you both feel about each other. Being with someone is a decision you make and not based on feelings or when “the one” comes along so waiting for it to all click might be like waiting for the conductor to voluntarily give your change without shouting for it; a LONG THING!
Back to my story; Mr F was nothing short of amazing, he taught me a lot about myself. He helped me conquer one of my major fears about getting married; living with someone everyday! Did I just hear you gasp? Yes I lived with a man for almost a year and it was one of the best experiences of my life. It was a financially feasible decision that needed to be made and I’m glad I went ahead with it because it became one of my major learning curves. I learnt that I could cope with a lazy man, oh my was he lazy and he was self-aware about it.
I learnt how you can live with another human being and not kill them because they are different from you. I learnt that my fear could be conquered and it made me look forward to having a partner(bear with me, I’m still trying to get used to the idea of having a husband). I’m not here advocating for cohabitation but it changed my perspective and to anyone I looked down on or said negative things to about it, I apologise. Cohabitation for me calmed so many fears I never thought I had.
Recent discussions with my cousin showed that I actually have a type and I’m not talking about my “he must be able how to speak and write English properly” requirement o. Smart men are my type, I used to think it was intelligent men but a deep thought process with my cousin walking to buy bread from one mgbeke bakery in Akure revealed that it was smart men that made my heart sing. Men that understand that giving “babes” 30 minutes of his time so they can be both “happy” is way better than having to tell her that she needs to understand that he’s doing something “important” and needs to be left alone or something.
Being with an intelligent man is fun, and oh Mr F was INTELLIGENT!! I used to joke that he knew everything and he’d reply that he didn’t. Sometimes I would tell him to read up on something so he could explain to me, he’d just shake his head, read about it later and explain(see this is where I say smartness reigns because Bobo knew I’d hound him until he did it so doing it was the smartest option) He had the gift of breaking down complex concepts and make even little children understand it.
So why am I talking about Mr F and his amazingness? I recently found out he was in a serious relationship and my heart stopped, I felt hurt and broken because this is someone who was a commitment-phobe and here he was jumping into something he vehemently told me he wasn’t ready for. I can imagine you asking “so why were you two together for a year if you were not in a relationship?” Well our situation was a complicated one, So as an adult, I had an adult conversation with Mr F about my feelings and this situation, we talked through it and it seemed great. However as the quirky single That I am, I had a mini mental breakdown that involved sending an epistle, a few name calling and some low jabs, but all in all, I have accepted it and sincerely happy for him and pray it all works out. We are still friends and i won’t let no relationship rob me of an amazing friendship no matter how I feel, as with everything in life, it will take time and baby geh and Mr F will be back to being great friends.
The essence of this post is to tell someone out there to logically analyse the state of their relationships and find out what is important to you as an individual. Once you know that, any relationship becomes easier and you are able to make a calculated decision to enjoy whatever phase you find yourself in. At some point, I knew being with Mr F was temporary so I enjoyed every bit of it; the silly videos, the midnight snacking, the fights, the “I cannot believe you’re doing this”, the random acts of kindness and all round quirkiness.
So here’s to Mr F and the amazing time spent learning about myself, the male gender(still confused as to how they operate though) and life in general.