LOST RINGS

Hey Ms Gidi, Do you remember me? My name is Ada, we went to Secondary school together

A young lady said to me as I stared at her contemplating what next to say, it’s not that I did not remember her, I remembered her very well and I also remember that she got engaged. She had a public proposal that broke the internet because the guy she was engaged to was one of the rich kids of Africa. I couldn’t help but think ‘what happened?’, they looked so happy together, she even cried when he proposed so what could have gone wrong?

Recently I have noticed the high level of broken engagements and even marriages in our society. One minute you see pictures of a woman gushing over her ring and her bae while the next it’s all over, a silent transition and the obvious lost ring. Sometimes there are stories attached to it, ah she was a gold digger or he was abusive or someone cheated, there is always something that comes with the explanation as to why the ring is no more.

In the past, I would raise an eyebrow, I would want to ask questions but I have learned that there are no real answers, there is no proper explanation instead there are regrets, testimonies and the response ‘it didn’t work out’.

Our society puts so much pressure on us to get married that we subconsciously plan our lives hoping we would find the one that could save us from the disease of singlehood so we often miss the red flags that are right in front of us with flashing lights; or hope that the flashing lights would soon come off and the flags would turn white.

Then we get the ring, we feel like we won, we have won this battle in the jungle of dating only to realise that all that glitters is not gold and even the diamond as sparkling as it could be, is now a constant reminder that you have been tied down to a life you never signed for. The band becomes a key, unlocking doors that were once tightly shut behind bookshelves, revealing rooms with layers of surprises and maybe a rotten corpse.

Society teaches us to stay in such rooms, they say some of our mothers have stayed so even though they became walking corpses, it was a thing of pride that they endured the stench. Sometimes we play religion if you have married him then you must stay.Yes, a broken engagement is better than a broken marriage but a broken marriage is better than a broken spirit.  

These days I see more young women taking charge of their lives. Maybe the media is at fault for this boldness or maybe it’s just women saying enough is enough; no more will we stay locked up in this box of pleasing society for the ring. Maybe they are just tired and are demanding for change.

Whatever the case I pray every person out there male or female finds the happiness they deserve. And as for the ladies with the lost rings, remember you are not alone, someday you will find the ring that celebrates a love more beautiful and real.

Love,

Ms Gidi

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