QUIRKY SINGLE GOES A-TINDERING: THE GINGERBEARDMAN

As I promised, I’m back with updates on my Tinder experiment, this time I have more observations as well as my somewhat quirky date with a man I’ve tagged the “Gingerbeardman”.

So after my post, I had to immerse myself a little further into the app, you know as per undercover agent and researcher. I became a bit bolder and would message any match with the word “hello beautiful”. This was to separate the wheat from the chaff as I think a man who cannot stand being called beautiful cannot be allowed into my quirky space. I must confess I was impressed by the percentage of men that found it funny and proceeded to call me handsome, then I had those who were professional ego masseurs and had to insist I was the beautiful one; I cannot fault them sha because a little pressing of ego never hurt anyone, don’t judge me, I’m only human.

Okay so let’s talk about my observations.

  1. The “no hookups please” gang. So I’m just here wondering who the people hooking up with each other are? Is it like reverse psychology, write it there and they will find you or maybe there’s a secret code hidden inside that phrase. Oya Anagram Experts over to you; what does  NO HOOKUPS PLEASE mean? Answer in the comment section.
  2. My friends searching for “true love”. I saw a few people I know and I realised this search for woman is real and not as the internet would have us to believe. While swiping one day, I was stunned for a minute as I came across a gold star member of the “No Commitment” club but baba said he was looking for a nice girl and interested in taking things further, obviously sprinkled with a large handful of  the perfunctory “No hookups please”. To best of my knowledge  he hasn’t changed and is definitely not looking to settle down anytime soon. Wait fest sef oh, I know someone who said this same thing a while back and dude is married now so maybe my guy is actually serious (fingers crossed).
  3. The Fans connector. I found a few celebrities on there and my curiosity got the best of me so I swiped right on one of them. This person says he’s on there to connect with fans, no hookup or number exchange and I’m just there like “unku your target audience is not on Tinder”. What do I even know sef, if a whole organisation can decide to be on Tinder, why can’t a celebrity connect with their numerous fans.

I have a few more but will save it for the next Tinder-related post.

Let’s talk about my date with the Gingerbeardman. I had a very rough week so I decided to treat myself to a movie and stuff my face with popcorn. Then he messaged asking what I was up to, told him and he asked to tag along. It seemed perfect as we had already talked about meeting up and my plan was to have a coffee date, just in case he’s a catfish, a serial killer or some pervert who has a thing for fat women (Don’t judge me, I have seen too many episodes of Criminal minds).

On a serious note: please be safe when you go on dates with people you meet online, especially if you’re like me and easily trust people.

So we decided on a time to meet up, I arrived the mall, bought myself a balloon (because balloons make everything better) and called him. For some weird reason, I was worried about what he would look like and I don’t mean if he had the jaw of Hercules or the abs of Poseidon, it was just the overall aura he would exude (yeah I know I’m deep, 20 inches deep).

After the usual “where are you? I’m here, wait there” meeting someone palaver, we finally found each other and I proceeded to give him my signature hug with extra pizzazz. According to Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory, a standard hug is 3 Mississippis but he got two extra because I had promised he would get my special hug… I think I should trademark it sef.

We then proceeded to the cinema and I realised none of the movies I wanted to watch were showing in the afternoon (silly me forgot to check movie times) so we had to choose between two Nigerian movies showing at that time but we were not really keen on that so we left.

I didn’t feel like having lunch so I asked if he was alright with walking around the mall, he agreed and we set out. We walked, talked about every and anything; from music to people watching and wondering why people took photos in malls, then we ended up at Shoprite. I have a thing for supermarket with large spaces, I could walk around for hours if I had my way but as per trying to be a normal purzon, we walked around for about 30mins, discussing the benefits of yoghurt, exorbitant price labels and getting frustrated trying to figure out the KCI and Jojo soundtrack from Save The Last Dance (it’s Crazy just in case you’re wondering too). We got a couple of drinks, paid and left.

This is where it got quirky and a tad weird, one of our conversation topics was sexuality and sexual orientation, I told him I was bisexual to get a reaction but he surprised me and said one of his friends (actually ex girlfriend) was bisexual and it would be cool to meet up with her. My curiosity could not let me bbreathe so I agreed to meet up with her. We went for a drive, picked up his friend (hilarious and sarcastic perfectly describes this man) and then we all headed to meet the girl. She was so pretty and the definition of Curvy Chic and for a second I really wished I was bisexual (don’t you dare judge me). We all went to get shawarma and dropped her off.

I know you’re looking at me funny while reading this, so yes I know it’s weird going on a date with a guy, his ex and best friend but that’s the sort of thing that happens in my quirky world.

Anyways, we headed home and in the process of reversing the car, Gingerbeardman hit the gutter and bam! flat tire.  It was as if the quirky forces were working overtime that day. Thankfully, he had a spare and we got to work, I offered moral support and the odd work song motivation because baby geh is not a vulcaniser.

And so, that’s the story of my date with the Gingerbeardman… Oh I gave him the name because he is as ginger as they come with a sunset looking beard; glorious and breathtaking….


JAZZ

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