Let’s be honest, we are all oohing and aahing at the story of Banky W and Adesua Etomi. You just can’t hate no matter how much you try. So many people are meeting their potential partners via social media these days, there’s been some good and some bad but we are here for the good only.

As a guy, you’re probably thinking, how exactly does this Direct Messaging (DM) thing work? What’s with all this DM talk anyway? Look we understand but with the number of hours spent on social media these days, you might as well master the art of tastefully sliding into your crushes’ DM

Here’s what you need to know about sliding into that DM

  1. Recognize the numbers
    Everyone has something to say about Banky sending Adesua a DM and that she responded but let’s be real here, IT IS BANKY W we are talking about, who born you well to not respond to such calibre of DM, heck if Don Jazzy sends me a DM today, I will respond before he clicks the send button (okay I will form small) but you get what I mean.
    If you are not a ‘Banky W’ and you are trying to get an ‘Adesua Etomi’, please eh save yourself the embarrassment and just let it be. She won’t be checking that DM because you probably aren’t the only one sending her one. There aren’t enough hours in the day to check every single unsolicited message. And there’s no real way for you to separate yourself unless you’re famous or have mutual friend(s), so just stick to admiring her pics from afar and move on, until maybe you get to meet her in person.
  2. Do your research
    Yes, it’s important to do a little ‘research’ on the person you’re about to message. No, I’m not telling you to go 52 weeks into her Instagram, liking every dang picture and commenting on at least 15 that’s stalking (there’s a difference). Read her bio and a few of her recent status updates so you can get a feel for what to say to her. Most women have the things they are proud of in their bio and on statuses, so start a conversation with a compliment, it always works. If it were me, congratulate me on my little girl or on producing the Still Single in Gidi play. (Don Jazzy are you seeing this?)
    I need to add that if you notice that she is in a relationship or she is engaged or married, stop right there and go back to admiring from afar.
  3. Reference a recent interest
    If you notice a theme running through your crush’s account, make note of it and add it to your initial message to her. Try not to fake it, pick something you might be genuinely interested in to avoid being embarrassed when you have no clue what she may be talking about.
  4. Go straight to the point
    This is the best approach. You’re interested and you’d like to meet up? No problem. No need writing a dissertation about it. Avoid saying ‘sup?’ too unless of course, she is a ‘sup’ kind of girl (then I am not judging you). A DM slide is kind of like a cover letter. After some small talk, if you want her number, ask or better still offer your number. If you want to casually hang out, ask. If you want to take her on a date, ask. The worst she can say is NO. And please proofread, autocorrect knows how to spoil show for somebody. 
  5. Write in clear and simple English
    She’s not one of your buddies who has over time accepted your “xup”, “wyd” “am kul” or whatever shorthand or “text-speak” as part of their cross to bear. Try to write in clear and precise English, don’t abbreviate. Try to impress her by showing that you truly know the difference between am and I’m as well as your and you’re. Like I mentioned earlier, it is not a white paper, nor is it time to show how vast your vocabulary is, trust me when I say less is more\
  6. Suggest a meetup
    Preferably public. Something you know that might interest her, in her comfort zone, if she’s into the arts, there’s the Heartbeat musical in a few days, here’s your chance to offer her a ticket and dinner at the Terra Kulture restaurant after. Do not invite her to your house or neighbourhood beer parlour. Just Don’t!
  7. Know when to retreat
    One of the most important things you need to know about sliding into a DM is realising when to retreat. If she hasn’t replied to your “hi” or well-constructed and tactical messages after a while, my brother please move on. Don’t succumb to those “perspire to aspire to respire” mantra and become a nuisance inside the DM, it’s not cute and doesn’t show that you’re determined, sometimes silence is the answer. Move on to the next one and prosper.

But if she does respond and she accepts your offer to a hangout (notice I did not call it a date), then my friend, you have understood and used the art of sliding into that DM, tastefully. Hopefully, you know what to do next, if not register here

If you’re a pro at DM sliding or you are a receiver of multiple unsolicited DMs, comment below on what you think has worked for you as a sender or sendee.


Miss Gidi 

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Mz Gidi

Writer | Poet | Thinker | Creator -|

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