Dear Single women in Lagos, what is with the scarcity mentality?
What is it with women these days acting like men are running out of fashion, so they fight each other and do desperate things just to get and keep a man. I find this interesting because, men don’t do this and from experience, I know that a man cannot be gotten or kept unless he truly wants to be with you.
Remember my friend? Well, I have come to the conclusion that, she is officially addicted to being taken for granted by a man. She told me in March, that they were “somehow” back together, but she asked him, to be honest with her and describe his ideal woman. She said what he described was a complete opposite of who she is. So I asked, why are you with him? What is so attractive about being with someone who doesn’t see you as his type?
You can be spiritual about it and say looks don’t matter or you can be realistic enough to know that men are physical beings!
I eventually had to tell her that I was no longer interested in listening to her talk about her relationship with this man because I could not understand why my friend would believe she has a special power to change a man and make him want her when he has made it clear countless times.
I am slowly coming to the conclusion that wanting what doesn’t want you is really born out of entitlement and a control mentality.
Yes I know moments of unrequited love, crush or lust can be tough. Scratch that — they may feel sad, confusing, lonely, and vulnerable. And yet they are a tough reality of togetherness and separateness. Sometimes the person you most want just wants to have sex and doesn’t necessarily want to do the love/relationship thing with you. Sometimes it’s even harder: they may choose to not be clear about what they want, they will lead you on because they enjoy your company and intelligence but do not necessarily want a relationship with you. But I believe we owe it to ourselves to get clarity and move on if they are not on the same page.
See, we can’t control what other people decide to do with their lives. Not only can we not control it but sometimes the kindest, most compassionate response is to acknowledge that whatever the other person chose is perhaps best for them at the moment. Trying to rationalize their behavior or guilt trip them is actually selfish. Maybe they are not trying to be cruel or wicked to you. Perhaps they know themselves quite well and they’ve decided that they can’t look into your eyes, take your phone calls, or come home to you anymore. Sometimes people won’t want us and we should be adult enough to be okay with it, especially if it’s what helps the other person to move on with their life.
I know you may have read all of this and still think maybe I should try harder to win them over. And I agree with you, I mean we can all try for a second or tenth chance but at what point do you decide to let go and move on? Now that’s the mystery of love, lust, and obsession.
Categories: the urban dater