Ever asked someone what they were looking for in a partner and get ‘drama-free’ as one of the traits? Even a lot of online profiles and dating apps (cue in tinder) tend to have things like “no hookup and no drama please” in their bios, which usually makes me wonder what exactly it means to be drama free and do people really go about with drama posted on their heads (of course not).
I know that some people live lives full of drama, it’s either they cause it or they attract it. It’s the kind that comes from crazy exes, demanding baby daddies/mummies, bad debt, crazy colleagues or dysfunctional families. It’s perfectly okay to not want to have any of that stress added to your life from someone you are dating. I mean I wouldn’t want it either, then again drama in itself is relative, what maybe drama for me, may mean absolutely nothing to you.
For example, I once heard a young man say he had lost interest in someone he was talking to because she always seemed to have drama. When pushed further, he explained that she came to him to talk about her issues at home, with friends, and at work and it seemed to him that she was always fighting but never having a lasting solution to anything. Because of that, he decided it was best to keep his distance and avoid being caught up in the mix.
We all have difficulties, however, it’s not the difficulties that cause the drama, but how we deal with them. Some people have little or no control over their emotions and this unknowingly could be affecting your relationships.
Now, in the lady’s defense, it is perfectly normal to want to share your concerns with someone you are dating, it means you have gotten to that comfort level where you are free to lament about what goes on in your life and trust that the other person is listening. However, most men are wired to want to fix things, especially if it’s someone they care about. So your innocent rants may come across as drama signals that he must fix, even if you didn’t ask him to.
Be honest with yourself — would someone looking in think you had a lot of drama? do you give off the impression of having drama because of how often you talk about the difficulties in your life? If yes, how can you reduce the said drama or how can you reduce how often you talk about it? It’s important to be conscious of what you share as you don’t want to overwhelm people around you.
Personally, I don’t think I have that ‘much’ drama, however, I have learned to gradually ease whomever I am dating into the happenings of my life. It is important to know when to bring up certain topics in your new-found relationship least you come across as a drama queen/king.
So what’s your definition of drama? How much of it do you have in your life? What qualifies as too much drama? How do you communicate the drama that you may have in your life when dating?
Categories: Single Journals