WE FOUND LOVE IN A DISCO HALL

Hello SIGs, I know, I know, I have been away for too long, well I have not been in the right place mentally and I knew writing could reveal emotions and feelings I was not ready to talk about, so I didn’t write.

However, I am back and will have a new post on the #Depression & Dating Series up next week. I’ll give you a hint of what it’s about so you can anticipate (aha see me feeling like a hot shot); loneliness.  This will be a post about my own experience and conversations I have had with people about this word and what it means to them.

To show I’m contrite and ready to conform, I thought to share this piece I sort of wrote in a disco hall club last month. See ehn, you don’t argue when the writing gods hit you, I was the girl squinting and furiously typing away on her phone while people were going crazy because 2face and Tony Tetuila were in the VIP section (sitting beside me, if I might add, yup, I have blown!).

Before I forget, let me put up this disclaimer: you need to have a high sense of sarcasm to really enjoy this post.

Ehen we can now go back to the post….

Is the club the place to find a husband/boo? Can you find love in the disco hall club? Well I’m here to tell you that the disco hall club is actually not a bad place to find the man your soul pants for if you’re not bothered about the noise, second-hand smoking, ogling or impromptu groping.

Are you tired of attending singles meet and greets? Does that 21 days fasting and prayer service not seem to have yielded any results? Or are you’re just trying to cast your net wider? Well fret not, I think I have found the solution; Go clubbing!!! *Insert disco music*

Like I promised here are the few things to do when husband/bae-hunting in the club.

  • Dress well (I mean SLAY!) but not too slutty as you do not want to be mistaken for a lady of the night or in our Naija lingo ashawo. Remember, dress the way you want to be addressed; tasteful with a hint of this is what you will get when you become mine. Also if you wear glasses, ditch them like I did, what’s a little-blurred vision if it means he is able to gaze into your eyes and know you’re the one for him.
  • Go with a girlfriend that already has a husband/bae. Trust me on this, she will be your eyes (especially if you left your glasses at home) and resident bouncer. You know, in case you have one too many drinks and can’t properly assess the playing field. Wait, you didn’t know this is a game? Better sit up and learn from this great bae-finding strategy.
  • Be ready to be groped, you don’t know if the person doing it might be bae. Be humble and respectful, if he asks you to dance let him. Dance well but don’t outshine him oh, you have to show him that you’re not only submissive (by agreeing to dance with him) but humble (by letting him think he got the moves). Remember, you’re still a Proverbs 31 woman, club or not.
  • Get ready to listen to 1000 songs within 2 minutes and trying to calm your brain down when the DJ plays only .5 seconds of your favourite song. In short, every song the DJ plays is your song when you’re near potential husband/bae, you can’t be sulking anyhow, that’s not wife/boo material-like. Show excitement at each song change, let him know your taste for music is broad; hip hop, Naija pop, old school, hardcore rap, house, trap etc. girl, show him what you know about music genres. You don’t know if he is a music head, so flourish babes, flourish!!
  • Invest in a good great excellent primer and setting spray because you will sweat buckets, oh it’s not because the AC in the disco hall club is not working oh, it’s because there will be many human beings there. You don’t want to scare bae off with your joker-looking lipstick and your two-toned sweaty foundation, so prime away, bake and set that face!
  • Be ready to inhale copious amounts of cigarette fumes and fumes from other “smokable” things: shisha, weed, paper, money etc. You might leave there smelling like a tobacco factory but what is smoh smell when you meet the love of your life. Also just know the harder it is for you walk around or even dance, the better your chances of meeting bae. Why you ask? Cute-meet people, cute meet!!! You turn around and he spills his drink on your shoes or outfit, cue to go to a “quieter place (doesn’t really exist) to talk.
  • FINALLY…… scrap every single thing I’ve said, just go to the club (if you want to) and enjoy yourself! Bae can come from anywhere, “kam your navs”, live your best life and just have fun!!

Even uncle Ed Sheeran knows that club love is one kain and he was sure to state it in his song.  “The club isn’t the best place to find a lover, so the bar is where I go – Shape of You” So maybe I should explore bars and see what the love-o-meter is reading there…

Anyways, that’s it for this post, as usual, leave your comments and thoughts on this disco hall club love. Have you ever found love in a disco hall aka club or in a hopeless place like our Sistah Riri? If you haven’t please share your love or almost love experience in unexpected places.

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