If you haven’t read the introduction to the series, then do so now.
If you have, welcome back and let’s begin.
For the first post on the BYSY series, we address the question WHY?
Why do you want to get married? Is it because everybody is getting married? There’s so much pressure? You want to reenact your own Disney fairytale story? You want the white Cinderella or mermaid dress and cathedral veil? Or maybe you want our own cool hashtag?
Obviously, some of the above are not valid reasons but that’s the thing, a lot of us do not have valid reasons for wanting to get married. For some, it is just a box to be checked right after getting a degree and completing NYSC, while for others it’s so people can get off our backs and we can have our ‘freedom’. I once met a guy whose motivation to get married was so he could be promoted in his line of work (I guess that too counts as a reason).
The truth is, no one forces us to get married and dare I say, not all of us will get married, some will get married at 25, others at 35 or maybe 55, it makes no difference the age because marriage is a HUGE decision.
But before we talk about saying yes, the question really should be why you want to get married?
Here are a few reasons why you should NOT be saying yes or maybe taking some extra time to make that decision. I will explain some points further, however, some are quite simple:
- You want to be free from your parents.
- To have sex legally.
- You are tired of feeling lonely
Loneliness happens to be a very popular reason why a lot of people get into relationships. We somehow believe that the solution to filling the void we feel is by getting someone to do it for us. Which causes us to put such high expectations on their person and time. Marriage will not solve your loneliness, as a matter of fact, it will worsen it. So, if you’re with that person because you thought being with them would stop you from being lonely, chances are, you will still be lonely even after marriage. It’s not them, it’s you.
- To show you are an adult. Afterall that’s what adults do, have relationships.
- Just because he or she loves you. Better they love you more than you love them.
- You think you’re running out of options and time
The fear that no one else would want to be with you is not only a wrong reason but also a selfish reason. In your head you’re probably thinking ‘ah, this one I have found correct someone that likes me, let me do sharp sharp before they change their mind’. It shows that you are aware that you need some work, an unfinished product so why be a burden to someone else instead of working on yourself.
- For money and social status.
- Because all your friends have someone and you are tired of having asoebi on your monthly budget.
- To have someone to “complete” you.
- You are tired of being single
In that case, it’s not about the person you are with but anyone who can take away the feeling of being single? NEWSFLASH: some days you will get tired of being married 🙂
- There is so much pressure to be in a relationship and get married.
- Your good friend or family did the hookup and you don’t want to let them down.
- It is time to get married. By whose watch?
You need to evaluate your reasons for wanting to get married. Take a hard look at your motivations before you decide to answer that question. On the flip side, some of the RIGHT reasons for wanting to get married include
- You are in love with one another and you want to start your life with another.
- To have a lifetime companion.
- You both have realistic expectations and shared goals.
- You are willing to work on yourselves for the progress of each other and the relationship
- You have found someone who complements you and is your personal cheerleader.
- You both have spent enough time with each other and there is no pretense.
I wish I had this conversation before I took the plunge a few years back. It would have helped me a whole lot but hey that’s why I’m here now, so you don’t make the same mistakes I made.
In conclusion, take time out to write your list of reasons for wanting to get married. (I did say BYSY was going to be a little guide). You need to be able to answer this question truthfully before we can move on from here. If all of your reasons fall on the wrong side, then I’m sorry the time is not now for you. You need more time to sort out what exactly it is you want from marriage.
Let’s look at you before we look at the other person.
Have you ever thought about why you want to get married ? Do you think you have all the right reasons ? Use the comment box and let’s talk about it.